When Good Guys Do Good Things.

[Inkfreak]

My wife came came home with a story about one of her employees, "Jane".

Jane is a 25 year old female who went out to party on NYE. And around 230 am she left the bar & started walking home. She lived roughly 2miles away. We live just outside of a college town here in NY. Its a walk she has taken many times.

On this night/morning she was very drunk. So drunk that as she walked thru a park she slipped and fell to her hands & knees. She was wearing a skirt and high heels with a "puffy" jacket. It was below freezing that night too.

She couldn't get up. She told my wife she was cold, drunk, and completely disoriented. After a bit of time passed, she began yelling at the top of her lungs for help. Over and over. A truck stopped and 2 guys got out. They asked her what was wrong and if they could help. She was unable to get up without help. These unknown guys carried her to her truck. Got her address and took her home. Carried her inside and put her on her couch. They then left & locked the door on the way out.

This is what her legs looked like the next day.

The Dr said it was a combo of frostbite & bruising.

I hear this story and I wonder how many other guys have done such good deeds and get little to no attention or gratitude. This story is not here to refute some of the harsher things guys have done to women. Just to show another side maybe. I mean how many of these threads about how guys suck are posted at DU? Lots. And I'll wager some would think I'm posting it as bait. That's why it's here in this forum. Some of you guys post tirelessly to point out that men are valuable to society and broad brush attacks of us suck. It's annoying. So thanks. And thanks to those guys who did that solid for "Jane". And to the many others out there who go unnoticed.

The picture was given to me by "Jane". I don't know if posting it is against some sorta rule. If so, please advise & ill edit immediately.

[Inkfreak]

1. I'll also add

That I think she was being irresponsible. To go out dressed for summer weather and not have a ride home is crazy. What if nobody heard her? She could have died.

[HappyMe]

9. She could have died from hypothermia.

My dad always made sure I had $20 and change to make a phone call when I went out on a date. Later on I always kept $20 to take a taxi home when I went out with friends. We also had a 'no man left behind' policy. We took care of the 'casualties' and made sure they got home safely. Having an exit plan and a Plan B is always a good idea for anybody going out on the town.

I think that there are more guys that would step up and do the right thing than not.

[nomorenomore08]

26. She could've wound up like that poor girl in Minnesota, who lost multiple fingers and toes IIRC.

Makes me glad to live on the West Coast, honestly. Mother Nature is generally far more forgiving around these parts.

[In_The_Wind]

2. IMO: There are many men who would have done the same thing.

Thanks for posting this thread.

[Inkfreak]

3. Me too. I really do.

It was an odd feeling hearing the story. Happy and upset. Happy because she ok. She is a friend of my wife's. And happy these guys did a solid thing for her. But upset because she didn't exercise a little more caution in her end of night plans.

I had a buddy many years ago who left a house party at his college. He decided to walk home. Home being 20+ miles away. He was struck by a bus and killed. Had a 1yr old baby. It was devastating. People do not think clearly when intoxicated (obviously) but add in youth..and it seems to double the chances of a bad choice.

[Bonobo]

7. That's the thing. There IS a rape culture.

Among rapists.

For the rest of us, nope. We would NEVER consider it. That culture is not anywhere I lived in the US.

Go to Northamptoin, MA and try to find a rape culture there. Good luck. It doesn't exist.

So it can be said that there is a rape culture in places with rape culture and no rape culture in places with no rape culture. Where does that leave us?

To me, it means that the term "rape culture" really has no meaning because it is arbitrarily deciding to base its own definition on the fact that if it is exists anywhere, it exists everywhere. Kind of like the idea that one drop of black blood makes a person black.

[Bonobo]

17. I'm sorry that my opinion offends you.

What I am trying to point out to you is the how the "rape culture" you described cannot be attributed to the country as a whole but rather is one mentality that can only exist in flourish in tiny enclaves.

As a whole, rape is soundly rejected and reviled. Thus, for me, it is absurd to say that there IS a rape culture.

A culture where rape was accepted, now THAT would be a rape culture. For example, if there is a fraternity or sports team where it is accepted that if a girl gets drunk, you can rape her. And such frats DO exist. THEY are rape mini-culturers, are they not? How then can you expect anyone to accept the same nomenclature for entire cities that reject it 100%? Is that not an "anti-rape culture" in that city?

[nomorenomore08]

27. Rape culture is not synonymous with American culture. More like a "mini-culture" within the larger

society, if anything. Not every individual subscribes to it or actively supports it, you and I as individuals certainly don't, but it's more of a generalized tendency that people often pass on to each other without even realizing it. Sort of like ingrained cultural racism - some people are overtly racist, whereas others participate more subconsciously. Honestly it would be hard to find an individual in this country who hasn't been shaped to some extent (however small) by "traditional" American racism. And much the same, I figure, goes for ingrained misogyny. Every individual man is not to blame - and certainly not someone as conscientious as you generally seem to be - but racism and misogyny are largely just sad facts of American life.

(Not that many other countries aren't just as bad or worse, far worse even. But as a lifelong resident of the United States I don't feel comfortable speaking authoritatively on cultures which aren't my own.)

[lumberjack_jeff]

18. I wonder if there's a victim of gang violence who would say that gang violence isn't a problem?

Of course rape victimization is a problem. The conceptual issue with "rape culture" is the implication that it is normalized. It is not, it is the most heavily punished crime next to murder, and for a variety of CULTURAL reasons, steadily decreasing in prevalence.

[nomorenomore08]

28. Virtually everyone agrees that rape is wrong. Problem is, some have an overly narrow and/or vague

definition of what "rape" entails. And yes, some radfems have been guilty of this in their own way as well, but I don't see their ideas as having the same social or political clout (currently at least) as those of the more extreme MRA's. No one of any significance is out there trying to redefine ordinary sexual relations as rape - legally speaking at least - whereas victim-blaming RE: rape almost seems to be on the rise, if Twitter and the Internet are any indication.

[PeaceNikki]

4. Good on them! I'm glad she's ok and that those guys were there!

I believe that, in general, people are kind, compassionate and good. Men and women alike.

[Upton]

5. Good for these guys..

Helping a lady in distress is always the right thing to do..though now they run the risk of being labeled benevolent sexists..

[Bonobo]

6. I've done such things. Many times. Always will. nt

[Inkfreak]

8. And I believe you would.

As an avid reader of your posts, I can see that. Along with other longtime posters of this group. Which makes the derisive comments towards this group so dang annoying to me. Trolls & shit-stirrers get banned eventually. But active posters who try to bring a male point of view to a variety of issues bring a great deal to the discussions. I value the opinions expressed here.

[Bonobo]

11. That's very nice of you to say.

There is a lot less free discussions and sharing of ideas here. It used to be much more open, a more intellectual exercise. Almost a University atmosphere.

But it has been poisoned by the type of gun/anti-gun, Israel/anti-Israel, gender wars bullshit type of speaking to each other and now it is impossible to say anything challenging without someone accusing you of being a nazi.

[westerebus]

10. "The evil men do lives after them, the good interred with their bones"

Bill Shakespeare

[rrneck]

12. Been there done that. nt

[Exultant Democracy]

13. The overwhelmingly vast majority of men would, criminals are outliers

anyone who uses and outliers to make a statement about a group is probably a bigot.

[lumberjack_jeff]

14. Well and succinctly said. n/t

[nomorenomore08]

29. I agree. I don't support the blanket demonization of men any more than you guys do.

I'm a man, and I certainly try my best day to day to be a decent human being, so guilt by association certainly does bother me, even if it might be somewhat understandable in certain cases. Understanding something, mind you, is not the same as condoning it.

[radicalliberal]

19. My intention was not to cause a disruption in this topic.

I have no problem with the basic purpose of this group. I do see a need for it. After all, I'm a man.

I was sympathetic to women before I even heard of the feminist movement. (Hey, as a boy in the 7th grade in the spring of 1964, I supported Margaret Chase Smith in the Republican presidential primaries -- although I was hooted at by my fellow classmates, most of whom supported Goldwater. I simply thought to myself, "Why shouldn't a woman serve as President?&quot But I am aware of the lunatic fringe of feminism. They should be opposed.

I hope I was not misconstrued. I was not making a statement against the majority of men. After all, I'm a -- yeah, I know, I've already said that! LOL I know there are men who could never be forced against their will to rape a woman, that such men would die first.

I've not read any of the replies to my "rape culture" posts above. I just don't see any point. Everyone's mind is already made up, including my own. The successful promotion of understanding is rare, indeed, in Internet forums. It's often just a bunch of yelling, which can be entertaining at times or depressing on other occasions. At least that's my opinion.

I wasn't trying to insult anyone or encourage another gender war or seek the preeminence -- as I'm just an eccentric outsider in this forum, anyway, as I am in most of the forums where I post. I was only expressing my own heartfelt conviction -- which, in the scheme of things, is worth little or nothing.

I probably will post again eventually, but now I'm not in the best frame of mind. At the same time I end up worrying about possibly hurting someone else's feelings (usually after losing my temper), I'm probably thin-skinned myself. Probably? I'm just fooling myself. LOL I'm quite depressed for several reasons, and I need to devote my full attention to a major health problem -- namely, a chronic sleep disorder I've not had the self-discipline to deal with until now. As one of my personal trainers told me, good sleep is essential in bodybuilding. Besides, I'm afraid there's even more at stake. If I slept well and was making faster progress in my bodybuilding program, perhaps I'd have a better frame of mind for posting in most forums.

Best wishes to everyone. Including you, Proud.

[LanternWaste]

20. We do good deeds for their own sake-- otherwise, it's merely self-promotion.

I don't do good deeds for recognition, admiration, gratitude or advertise how honorable I may be. We do good deeds for their own sake-- otherwise, it's merely self-promotion.

[Warren DeMontague]

21. And yet, you feel the need to inform other people of this fact.

..why?

[Warren DeMontague]

24. Well shit, don't leave on my account!

Especially since that question wasn't even directed at you!

[nomorenomore08]

30. FWIW, I get what you're trying to do. And it's completely legitimate and understandable.

The good in people (men included) should be highlighted as well as the bad. At the same time, though, you shouldn't take things people say on here personally. Anonymity often tends to bring out one's nastier side.

[Major Nikon]

22. I don't see how the motivation detracts from the merit of the deed

If you help someone and then tell someone else about it for whatever reason, does that make the person you helped any less helped?

[Inkfreak]

25. They would agree, since they never identified themselves.

I do like to promote others good deeds when I get the chance tho.