Reliving my childhood. It's actually pretty awesome the second time around.

[Denninmi]

I don't think I need to go into elaborate detail about why my life as a boy was Hell on earth -- the phrase "psycho gun toting abusive father who made life like living in a North Korean gulag" pretty much sums it up.

So, what does a 47 year old guy do after a major life crisis and emotional breakdown?

Well, in my case, I am doing a lot of things I never got to do the first time around. This morning, even though I am absolutely awful at it, I was shooting baskets, well, attempting to shoot baskets, with a couple of guy at my gym. After I did my 10 laps and my fitness group.

You have no idea how much that made me feel like a kid again, in a very good way.

Anybody with the desire to throw a baseball around in the spring, let me know, I'm your guy.

So, anyone else have a "reliving my childhood" in a good way story?

[randr]

1. I went through a second childhood in my 40,s

It was more like my first childhood as I learned and experienced life in a brand new way.
Good luck and enjoy every minute.
Remember it is never too late to have a great childhood!

[TM99]

2. Definitely!

In my early 40's, I lost everything. I was self-employed, married for 15 years, and generally quite healthy. I underwent surgery and chemo. My wife left me for another man as she didn't want to clean up my vomit but rather have fun partying (that was her mid-life!). I could no longer work so I had to go on state aid and medicaid. But I made it through it all.

Now in my late 40's I am doing things I also always wanted to do as a young boy and man but never got the chance to. I am left with a lot of pain and the need for medication probably for the rest of my life, but I always wanted to get a black belt. I found a wonderful teacher in Shorin Ryu Karate who has been working with me now for a few years. He has helped me to modify what I need to but also keeps me pushing through the obstacles on the way to my goal. I am still a ways off but I am hopeful I will get the black belt by my early 50's.

I have been a musician playing piano and violin since I was 5 and 8 respectively. But I always wanted to play the lap steel guitar and the bass guitar. So I am doing so now. I have only been at it a few months but I am having so much fun figuring out running blues bass lines and am currently working on Sleepwalk, one of my favorite older lap steel numbers.

Lastly, I have always had severe allergies and so as a boy, I could never have a dog or a cat. I suffered so badly I couldn't even have a hamster. The wonderful woman I now share my life with is amazing with animals and a few years ago, she brought home a few hairless rats. I fell in love with the little fellas. Since then, we expanded to several cages and then got some females. And recently we have begun breeding them. Rats are amazing little creatures - friendly, smart, and playful. It is a joy every day to interact with them having never had a chance to have even one pet as a child.

I am back working, having rebuilt my private practice fairly well the last few years, and I definitely tell my 40+ clients that it is never, ever too late to redo and relive your childhood. One of the joys of being an adult with maturity and experience is the fact that we can confidently find ways to do so even with the limitations that may come with age and experience.

Hats off to you and thanks for starting a great topic of discussion.

[Denninmi]

3. Your post is very inspiring, too.

A black belt -- that's impressive. Keep plugging away until you get it.

My own particular fantasy in that area is boxing lessons. Not full contact, but they do offer no contact/minimal contact boxing lessons i some gyms. Not something right away, I have some other goals first, including learning to swim.

Have fun with the rats, I've always heard they are great pets.

[TM99]

4. Thanks

I guess I don't think of it as that inspiring at times as I still struggle so, but I do appreciate the sentiment.

I have a buddy in Tucson who is a 7th degree black belt in Kajukenbo. He really encouraged me to do it. It is definitely a challenge even without the health issues. I just have a different body than I did when I was 20 something and serving in the military. I told myself then that there was plenty of time to get one. Ah, the shortsightedness of youth.

Go for it on the boxing lessons. That friend in Tucson shares a gym with a boxer. It is great fun and great exercise. What else besides swimming to you have on the list?

I have a few other dreams. There are some places I always wanted to visit abroad that I hope to get to someday - Russia, Japan, and New Zealand. I also want to learn a few more languages including Russian & Japanese but also Italian and Kikongo.

Rats are great pets, and I never would have known it. The only downside is their relatively short lifespans. Most only live about 2 to 3 years. But the life they get with us (especially as my girl spoils the hell out of them!) is well worth it.

[Denninmi]

5. Right now, swimming, "boot camp" fitness class, and eventually the boxing.

Plus, I'm researching mountain bikes right now so I can pick out my "fantasy bike" in the spring. BUT, the owner of the local bike shop wants to take me out on a couple of practice rides, one on a mountain bike, and one on a street bike. He seems to think I would enjoy speed/distance riding as much, if not more, than rough trail riding/cross country mountain biking. I may have to try both and see what appeals more.

[LeftofObama]

6. I've wanted to respond to this post since yesterday morning

and I couldn't quite figure out how to do it without writing a novel but I'll try...

I never really got to enjoy my childhood because I was raised by an abusive father and a domineering/abusive mother. I spent most of the days of my childhood figuring out how to avoid getting the crap beat out of me with a belt by my dad or being belittled and made to feel ashamed by my mom.

One of the easier chores I had as a kid was to take the trash out. There was a particular way the trash was to be assembled to be taken to the curb. I had to put 2 white kitchen trash bags into a large green lawn trash bag before it was set to the curb. One particular morning I grabbed my dad's jacket on the way out the door because it was cold outside, but I figured it wouldn't take long and I'd be right back in so I just grabbed the first coat I saw. When I got back inside my dad was waiting for me with his belt in his hand and I was beat black and blue because I used his coat and now it supposedly smelled like garbage.

When I was about 10 some neighbor kids parents were taking them to the zoo and they wanted me to go along. I ran home and asked my mom and I was absolutely elated when she said yes. Well, we left around 9:00 am and and got back that afternoon around 2 pm. I went home to tell my mom about all the animals I had seen but before I got a chance to tell her she had been thinking of extra chores for me to do while I was gone. Evidently, since I was having fun earlier in the day it had to be countered by work. I had to go upstairs and strip the beds, wash down the bed frames, launder the sheets, and remake the beds.

I could go on and on for hours about some of this stuff but, like I said, I don't want to turn it into a book.

I didn't really find a good paying job until I was about 25, but when I did I was able to get an apartment and move out on my own. What freedom I felt! I could take as long of a shower as I wanted. I could sit down and read a book for as long as I wanted to and not have to worry about what the punishment was gong to be for not being productive. I could go to a restaurant and order anything I wanted and take as long as I wanted to eat it. My time was truly my own!

I joined a gym and started running. Freedom! I took road trips to neighboring towns just because I wanted to. I started traveling to other states just to say I had been there. Talk about finally having a childhood! After years I was free!

My dad died a few years ago and I have never missed him. Not once! I went to his funeral and when everyone bowed their heads for a prayer I was thanking God for finally ridding me of that asshole! My sisters and I are now taking turns taking care of our mom because she's in her 80's and can't get around very well. It's easier now because while she can still be domineering I can brush it off and go on about my business and not have to think about it until it's my turn again. I'll be 100% honest and say that when she's gone I don't think I will miss her either.

I guess my adult life has been lived trying to relive my childhood and do all the things I didn't get to do back then without some sort of punishment.

Thanks for posting this thread and giving me a chance to vent. It's been quite cathartic!

[Denninmi]

7. Hey, I'm not one to say anything about writing a novel in a post.

I do it all of the time.

Talk about having a lot in common, we sure do, a lot of bad stuff, but the good too.

That sense of freedom you get from running, that is the exact feeling I get hopping onto my bike knowing I'm heading out for 2 or 3 hours on the trails. Few things in life feel better to me, I forget ALL of the crap most times, although I do use the time for deep introspection once in a while.

Freedom to chart your own course is the ultimate empowerment, and living well is the best revenge, I think we both are doing that now. Dude, way to go!

[marble falls]

9. The message here is it does get better.