Since I grew up in the 60s, I think the whole idea
of feminists as "man-haters" was a construct of men who were threatened in some way by any feminism at all. I don't ever remember any sense that feminists hated men, and I have known many feminists. I do remember a lot of men who weren't self-confident enough to accept that women were 100% equal, and who railed against any feminism or semblance of it they saw.
It was inaccurate then and it's inaccurate now. It's another example of men attempting to define a women's movement instead of accepting the definition of the women themselves. I never felt that was ever an aspect of feminism.
= new reply since forum marked as read
...is arguably the most extreme form of feminist (and I say that somewhat tongue-in-cheek, so be cool): an academic feminist who researches and teaches women's studies, sociology, sexuality, and so on. I can unequivocally attest that she has never hated men in any general sense. 
i love this story about your mom, and i appreciate hearing it from you, in here. thank you
to you mom for doing a bang up job and
for you doing your own.
that there are women who hate men, and men who hate women, but they're extremists. 
I'm mostly interested in how these things are perceived. As a person who frequents feminist sites, I'm unfortunately quite familiar with the "man-hating feminists" canard.
deep, deep anger or rage at what men (as a class) under patriarchy have done to women (as a class) -- OR, the results of deep wounds suffered at the hand(s) of individual male(s), as discussed in post #8.
When I discovered feminism -- and really, I've been a feminist all my life I just didn't have a word for it or an ideology until I stumbled into it in the early 70s -- I read everything I could get my hands on and at that time there was an enormous proliferation of feminist books and materials. I spent 3 solid months doing nothing but reading one book after another, and I read pretty fast. That's how I got my own consciousness-raising.
But it made me very, very angry -- with an anger that's not fully gone away (and maybe never will). The anger was about my own limited opportunities (up to that point), the actual suffering that I'd witnessed women endure and knew about women enduring for milennia, etc. That anger isn't that difficult to trip even if I don't haul it out and put it on display every day. In fact, I'd really rather not -- it's pretty uncomfortable.
So I don't hate men, but I strongly prefer (and celebrate) what I call "educable men," those wonderful, darlingmen who actually try not to be sexist and who are willing to listen about issues of sexism and misogyny. There are many who are not, most dishearteningly here at DU. Unfortunately -- and I'm not proud of it but also not willing to apologize for it -- they tend to trip triggers and the result is they earn my contempt or probably more accurately disgust.
This is a side of you I'd not seen before, MineralMan. I Iike it. 
But they self-identified as feminists (probably because that was the only way they could express the hatred). Almost every one of the women I knew who were like that had been hurt VERY badly by a male in their life and so, I didn't really blame them. But the feminism was secondary to the pain and rage.
Feminists, as a general rule, do not hate men, though. That is true. Feminism is supposed to be about equality for all. All of us is equal to everyone else. Therein lies my simple definition of feminism
We really are all in this together
"I'm not a feminist BUT..." or anything like it, you're a feminist. 
Now, whether you want to own it or not is another matter.
Love your name, btw. And hope you'll take on the mantle, the joy -- the agony and the ecstasy, one could say, of being a full-fledged feminist.
I said I've seen it here on DU. That is not an inaccurate statement.
I totally agree with what you state. It's similar to Redqueen's calling to start using feminine pronouns as the default.
Democrats were silent when repubs went on the attack on the word liberal. We've been silent on their misrepresenting policies - clean skies, healthy forests.
WORDS MATTER! And when we sit meekly by & let them diminish words that express our ideals, or use good words to hide hideous policy, it's the same as an attack on our values. No wonder the dem party has swayed so far to the right. Too few of our leaders have defended these values.
But that's another thread. You get my drift. This is the same.
I am a flaming liberal atheist feminist. 
a woundedness I can empathize with, as I wrote upthread.
If I were lesbian, I could easily have been or be a separatist, and in fact REALLY prefer having some space in my life where men simply aren't, whether it's a knitting group or some online space. I've not in the past been overly welcoming to men here on the feminist group, and that's why -- I believe strongly in private space which can be for women only, yes, even from men who fully support our goals.
Women-only is clearly not going to happen here at DU, but that doesn't mean I will stop wishing it would. If people want to fault me for having my own parttime "separatist" sensibilities, they are free to. I don't think people can get it about how having men in a space DOES change the energy of a space until they've experienced it until they get it themselves. The presence of men doesn't make it inferior or worse or bad, and it's not about how men are bad or anything else, it's just that the energy is definitely different. Not wanting to have to be in that energy everywhere you are at all times unless you are alone in your house by yourself, LOL, is not a unreasonable goal. I certainly won't press it here, but ... well, I can dream, can't I?
I'll say something more. When I was active in N.O.W., we were glad to have male members, especially if they were willing and interested in participating. But DAMN if they didn't -- ALWAYS and without exception that I know of, not just where I was but in many other places around the country-- try to step in and tell us what to do and how to do it or otherwise try to run things. And if you tried to tell them, gently and sweetly, that they should let US be the leaders and do the organizing in our own group, they were offended and took a lot of time and energy with all those unnecessary and usually divisive dramas (because most of them were there because of wife/mother/girlfriend/sister who loved them and didn't want them hurt). So I got thoroughly over-sensitized to that whole issue early on.
Ok, with that good laugh, I'm off to work.
Happy Friday!
I've always loved your posts, this one being no exeception.