Anti-Feminist Press Crows Over Book Celebrating Domestic Abuse, Then Finds Out How Bad It Can Get

[Starry Messenger]

Barf alert, Christina Hoff Summers strikes again.

I had largely ignored the press around a memoir by Alisa Valdes called The Feminist and The Cowboy, which was being slobbered over by the anti-feminist press as some kind of massive truth-telling about the “nature” of men and women, sticking it to those stupid feminists who emasculate men with our bitchy demands to be regarded as people—which means that in relationships, we’re partners instead of as household appliances that provide clean homes, heirs, and sexual release. In the book, Valdes celebrates her boyfriend for forcing her into a submissive role, which she describes as letting go of feminism’s “dreary shroud of lies”* to embrace what she believes is a woman’s natural role, which is one with no autonomy: “We are the vessel. They are the elixir and the funnel. We are the earth. They are the plough and seed.”

<snip>

Christina Hoff Summers specifically singled out “taming” as exactly what uppity bitches need in her endorsement of this abuse-is-great-for-women memoir:

An irresistible, post-feminist Taming of the Shrew. Don’t be scared by the premise. This is not a story about a woman relinquishing her identity. Quite the opposite. It is a riveting tale about how a brilliant, strong-minded woman liberated herself from a dreary, male-bashing, reality-denying feminism.

I do not agree with Summers that hating abusers is “male-bashing” nor “reality-denying”. In fact, by conflating all men with abusers, it’s Summers that is the male-basher here. I believe that men are perfectly capable of treating women well—and that doing so not only can be sexy, but is sexier than treating women like trash—but also that reality demonstrates this every day. It’s Summers and her ilk that are male-bashing and reality-denying.

<snip>

I didn't post the disturbing passages on the actual abuse, since it could be triggering, but believe me, it is tragic. And not liberating.

[niyad]

1. I had really hoped that, by the time we reached the 21st century, that this kind of non-thinking

bs would have long been discredited. alas, it seems to be gaining strength.

[Starry Messenger]

2. I'll never understand how women get sucked into this pattern of total submission.

Religious sects I can understand, kind of. Not really, but a tiny bit. This whole hand your power over to someone who is harming you, actively, is deeply seated conditioning that goes against everything instinctive in your brain to protect yourself.

[get the red out]

4. Christian Domestic Discipline

Your mentioning religious sects reminded me of something. I read some writings and posts by women who had succumbed to CDD a few years ago and their mindset was disturbing. They obviously thought very little of themselves and felt they deserved to be punished by the men in their lives. They wanted the same kind of relationships for their children when they grew up as well. One woman praised her grown son for being what most people would consider controlling and verbally abusive to his girlfriend. Of course, this was the example that had been set for him. She also discussed dreading the beating she knew she would have to accept because the house was messy. Simply disturbed. People like this need help.

[catbyte]

3. The author's self justification is unconscionable. She posted an "update" on her blog

about The Cowboy that detailed a sexual assault, then, at her agent's urging, deleted the post. If anyone is interested, someone captured the post and has the url on Amazon.com reader's comments. The author is now denying any assault took place, but I was horrified reading her blog. Her "memoir" is nothing but a how-to book to become emotionally and physically abused. She horrifies me. Now she's with a man who she says is awesome because he relates to her the way Cesar Milan relates to his dogs. AWESOME! So, instead of being "trained" by a lunatic who raps her on the nose with a newspaper or rubs her nose in a mess, she responds to her new guy's "calm assertive energy." The woman clearly has issues.

It's both pathetic and heinous.

[Starry Messenger]

5. If her publisher had any integrity

they should not ever reprint the book.

http://m.gawker.com/5974949/how-one-writer-tried-to-defy-her-publisher-and-reveal-the-abusive-relationship-hidden-in-her-romantic-memoir

How many unfortunate women will read crap like she wrote and think they have to put up with abuse as a "growth experience?"

She also writes that she witnessed her father abuse her mother very badly, I'm sorry she is replaying the cycle in her own life, but it is irresponsible to have a memoir out there glorifying what her abuser did to her as somehow "liberating".

And she also says that it caused her to reexamine her former anti-conservative views, which gives some insight into the twisted rationale of the conservative woman. The whole thing is awful.

[catbyte]

6. You've got that right, Starry. It's just awful. Her memoir is just awful, and her publisher is

just awful.

[Gormy Cuss]

7. and the new bf wrote the cowboy a thank you letter for his part in training her.

This woman needs lots and lots of therapy. Her denial is deep.

[get the red out]

8. OMG, that's like a person would do with a dog!

Write a letter to the rescue org or dog trainer that taught Sparky not to pee in the house so he would be more adoptable!

We are simply animals to conservatives; useful once "trained". And they don't exactly buy into the positive training methods most people prefer to use with animals in modern times either, to add injury to insult.

[Starry Messenger]

9. Totally awful.

I would run, not walk from anyone who treated me like that. She has deep, deep issues. Why did all that rate a book contract??

[obamanut2012]

11. OMFG for real?!

[Gormy Cuss]

13. From the Gawker link...

My new boyfriend even wrote the cowboy a thank-you letter on my Facebook page, after he and I talked about the ways I changed after spending time in a different culture with a very different kind of man."

[Starry Messenger]

14. Yes. I'm shocked he didn't send him a fruit basket too.

I hope she never gets published again, unless it is her comeback "I'll never do that again, and feminism fucking rocks" memoir. If a man wants a servile creature, he can get a fucking dog.

[obamanut2012]

10. Yet she is an accepted source for DU

Ugh.

Thanks for posting this.

[obamanut2012]

12. This reminds me of Scott Glenn's character in "Urban Cowboy"

Remember? A real cowboy, and when Debra Winger's character's husband (John Travolta) left her because she wasn't servile enough, she became Glenn's woman. He physically and emotionally abused her, literally broke her sassy spirit.

Things ended happily in the movie, and it was just a movie, but this reminds me of that for some reason.

That woman has deep issues. This isn't a case of a consensual BSDM relationship.

[Zorra]

15. Why, bless her lil ol' damaged heart, the poor thing thinks she's a poodle.