Radiation starts today.

[Ms. Toad]

More accurately - today is the dry run, then for the next 15 days I make the 39 mile trek (78 round trip) for roughly 15 minutes of treatment.

This is the most challenging part of my treatment. I am intentionally creating a very small risk of a very aggressive cancer, in order to prevent a much larger risk of a very well-behaved cancer. I've seen various numbers for the risk - the largest of which is 1 in 500. (Data is not very good because the risk increases with time since treatment - and radiation has changed so much over time that there is not good information about the precise kind of radiation therapy I'll be getting.) My daughter and I tend to collect medical unicorns, so the fact that the risk is very small risk is not comforting to me - I am used to being the "1 in," rather than the 499. My great-grandmother also died from a cancer that was almost certainly caused by radium implants used to treat her fibroids (a disease I inherited from her). Different time, much less sophistication in the treatment - but an iatrogenic cancer death.

I've decided to be very intentional about going through this process: I'll be making a meditative work of art (inspired by Zentangle), adding a section on a daily basis in connection with my radiation therapy. When I prepare food for others I enjoy it and think of it as I'm going through the process as a tangible act of caring for the recipient. I'm hoping to shift my thinking from resenting the very large amount of time I spend preparing food for diabetic self as an act of caring for me. I'm also going to make a mighty effort to drag my bicycle out of storage and ride it - next weekend would normally be the weekend I take a 150 mile ride, but I have not yet been on my bike this year. It's time.

Anyone else approach their radiation (or chemo) with an intentionality for self-care? Any practices you used?

[PennyK]

1. I wish you the best

I really like your ideas and thoughts about approaching your treatment.
Me, I'm not so deep. I've just tried to appreciate whatever I can at any time, whether it be feeling tired yet knowing it's OK for me to rest, eating terrible things like sugary applesauce or a Boost shake because that's all that's palatable to me, and now, when I've finished chemo and have a week or two before surgery, trying to enjoy getting myself somewhat back to normal. Everything that's "normal" just feels like a gift, after all the crazy side effects I've had.
The one creative thing I do is sewing...and I've continued that whenever I've had the energy. I did just complete two new sets of pajamas and a robe, because I realized that the ones I had were about twenty years old, and I deserved new ones (since I had been spending so much time in bed).
Let's hope the statistics are wrong.

[Ms. Toad]

4. I'd love to eat what I feel like, but alas my October diabetes diagnosis

throws a monkey wrench in those plans! That's why I've been so resentful of the time food preparation takes me - it is not by choice that I'm spending a couple of hours a day on food prep.

I haven't had my sewing machine out in ages - good for you, and you definitely deserve new pahamas and a robe!

[alfredo]

2. Mine was grim determination . I'll deal with it was I told myself.

Try to find a driver as you go through treatment. Radiation seems no big thing until after the second week.

Here's hoping for a good outcome and a recovery that doesn't suck.

[Ms. Toad]

3. I've got several offers of drivers.

I'm starting on my own - but if I need a driver, I can recruit one for the next day.

The doctor is predicting radiation won't hit me very hard - but the doctor isn't the one going through it.

Thanks for the positive thoughts.

[alfredo]

5. Good. When in doubt call your driver. You might have to stick your head in a pail on short notice

Be sure to carry a pail with you. I only had to use it once in the car. The pail at my bed has had use.

I did the same until the fog came over me.

[Solly Mack]

6. How's it going so far?

I went about my treatment with, I dunno, just open to whatever comes and the determination to get through it.

I was terrified for my first chemo treatment and numb for my first radiation treatment. Too scared to really absorb anything extra by then.

I had to drive 90 miles for treatment to one doctor and over 200 for the other. I did a lot of the driving myself because it was something I could control. There were days when I didn't want to drive though.

[Ms. Toad]

7. So far, so good.

I tend to handle medical things pretty well. This one is a bit different, since I'm deliberately creating a small risk of a very deadly cancer to decrease a much higher risk that this one will return. That doesn't sit well with me..

I'm doing a variation on zentangle as an intentional effort to create something positive from the experience - I suppose controlling something I can control. (I did fire my first set of doctors, since they were creating chaos every time I turned around.) I've got a drawing started - I'll add a "tangle" to it each day for 17 days. I haven't decided whether I'll do anything on the weekends or not. I've included the radiation markers & the crane my radiological oncologist gave me at the first visit that I'll weave into the drawing.

Here's what it looks like on day 3:

A bit of swelling and pain - but nothing significant. The darn stickers & marks won't stay on. I redraw them 2x/day & they still have to redraw them.

[PennyK]

8. Your Zentangle is beautiful!

I've never done any, just glanced at one of the books once, but this is lovely. Nothing like taking an unpleasant situation and finding a way to create art from it.

I will most likely be getting radiation after my surgery, and I appreciate any advice you may be willing to share.

[Ms. Toad]

9. The two things I've found via research

Circumin (turmeric) - 6 grams/day helps prevent/repair DNA damage in healthy cells - but not in cancer cells. (The DNA damages is what creates the risk for sarcomas later on & decreases skin damage. (Redness is about the same - but the cracks/ulceration decreases)

Calendula cream - helps decrease skin damage.

I've also ordered a special bra designed for radiation - seams on the inside & designed to get softer with each washing.

I'll let you know if it seems to work for me . . .

(And thanks!)

[Ms. Toad]

11. So far, so good.

I love the bra - very soft and comfortable & the purple marks washed out on the first wash, at least.

The calendula cream (My Girls) is very pricy, but seems to be working. The radiologist's office was familiar with it - from a prior patient who used it very successfully.

I won't have a clue for years about the circumin (at least for its primary purpose of assisting DNA repair of healthy cells damaged by radiation)

[Ms. Toad]

10. Halfway through radiation.

Eight days down - eight to go.

So far - two days of feeling like a truck ran over me. Likely due to packing, moving, & unpacking boxes of books weighing between 50 & 100 lbs, followed by 2 days of cleaning a year's worth of grime from my temporary office and furniture.

Slightly pink skin that comes and goes overnight.

So far, so good!

Here's my (inspired by) Zentangle piece so far:



(The faint marks are where I planned out the last 8 days. The crane at the bottom was colored in on the anniversary of Nagasaki - it was given to me by my radiological oncologist at our first meeting.)

[PennyK]

12. Thanks for your information

I've saved the site with the calendula cream. And I LOVE your almost-Zentangle.
I go back today for my one month after chemo checkup, probably get my port flushed, and later this week, see my surgeon to see when my surgery will be. I think they biopsy then and decide about whether I get the radiation at that point.

[slipslidingaway]

13. Finished with radiation??? Check in when you are feeling up to it :) nt

[Ms. Toad]

14. Two days left!!!

Pink - like a moderate sunburn. Some swelling (and mild pain because of the swelling), and one day of fatigue that I can't explain because of my crazy life (burning the candle at both ends & shlepping around 100 lb boxes of books - for example).

I will be so glad when Wednesday arrives! No more purple marks or stickers. I get two hours (or a bit more) back every day.

[slipslidingaway]

15. Wonderful, so glad to hear you are almost finished, although it sounds as if you ...

might take a little break, maybe use those two hours for a little R&R

[Ms. Toad]

16. I'd love to -

Unfortunately, classes start a week from tomorrow & my boss decided to resign, so I will be picking up tons of extra duties without much notice and need to make sure I'm prepared.

I'm still contemplating an October dive trip - but I'm betting I won't get to take it.

[slipslidingaway]

17. Well then I meant to say R&R is overrated :) Sounds as if you have your hands full ...

and distractions can be a good thing, now that is always true. Just take some time for yourself!

Hope you can find the time for that dive trip, you deserve it.

[PennyK]

18. Well, Ms. Toad, you celebrate when you can

Sounds like you'll be quite busy, so do make time to appreciate when you can.
I'm a nonworking senior and I'm lucky. Both of us have the time to spend on our hobbies, and a little cash to spend on them.