I Didn't Want Co-Sleeping to End.

[elleng]

'Have you gotten used to sleeping alone?”

After my divorce in 2014, my married friends had a lot of questions. That one surprised me at first, but then it made sense. What could be more jarring, even scary, than an empty space where your spouse used to be? Than a bed that seems twice as large because it is half as full?

For years, I didn’t have to get used to sleeping alone, because I fell asleep with one child and woke up with the other.

My co-sleeping arrangement with my kids has persisted in some form or another since their father and I split up, when my son was 4 and my daughter was 2.

It started both by accident and necessity: A few weeks after the separation, I became really sick. What began as a sinus infection took over the rest of my body. I ran a low-grade fever, was intermittently nauseated, and coughed until I doubled over gagging. Weeks went by and I made multiple visits to the doctor. Nothing improved. . .

“I don’t want her to stop coming in.” I swallowed. “I am not ready to give that up.”

He resumed watching the swimming lesson.

What I told myself over the years was that sleeping side by side was important for my children because they were still vulnerable after the trauma of the divorce. Yes, they were becoming more independent, speaking in full sentences and even long fluid paragraphs. But they still needed me to cut up their food. They still reached for my hand.

What I told myself wasn’t really true, though. It was important for me, the parent, after the trauma of divorce. The physical immediacy of my children when I was at my most broken and vulnerable was healing in a primal way that nothing else was. Those of you who co-sleep too know exactly what I’m talking about.'

https://www.nytimes.com/2018/07/13/opinion/sunday/co-sleeping-with-toddlers.html?

[janterry]

1. It's not what you do, it's why you do it

My daughter and I co-slept until she was 5. But after that, she still - sometimes - came into bed with me. Then it slipped to perhaps once a month - or perhaps every other month. I guess that lasted until she was 10 or 11? IDK. Maybe less. Maybe it was every few months.. Sometimes she'd just fall asleep reading on my bed.

She's very independent - and, fwiw, has always had her own room (I slept in her room when she was little - so she never moved out.......I did).

It's not what you do, it's why you do it. In some cultures, kids co-sleep a long time. In other families, not at all.

But needs aren't universal. Nor is it possible to generalize about all co-sleeping. We did what worked for us. Neither of us has any regrets (honestly, it doesn't bear much thinking about).

I suppose - if you are doing it for your needs, well, that might be a problem.

So, meh. Follow what's best for your own family. Prioritize your kids. Take care of yourself.