My Son Claims I'm A "Girly-girl"

[cali]

A few weeks ago, my son took me to see Ray LaMontagne perform. It was an awfully nice thing of him to do and we had a good time. In the car, on the long drive home, we were talking about this woman he's been involved with. Apropos of I'm not sure what, he said: "Well, you don't really understand her. She's not a girly-girl like you.

My initial reaction to his comment was umbrage and knee jerk denial.

A few days later I was at home trying on a funky vintage dress with new to me used Ferragamo shoes I'd just bought for a happy song from someone on Ebay and I started laughing- at myself. And then I started thinking about why his remark had offended me.

When you hear the term girly-girl, I think it's safe to say that you don't think "tough, smart, capable woman". More likely you think pink frills, manicures and frivolous.

I have never had a manicure. I loath frills- on cushions or clothes, and though I can certainly be frivolous, I consider myself fairly intelligent. I can argue politics as well as any man. I love hardware stores almost as much as vintage clothes and rearranging stuff in my home. I read voraciously- and not romance novels. I'm athletic and physically pretty damn strong.

My son knows all this so I don't think he meant to imply that I'm not smart or strong.

If he meant to say "you're feminine and interested in things that are considered feminine pursuits, he's right. I love playing with clothes, for example- though my fingernails are (at least in spring and summer) rimmed with stubborn garden dirt and I think manicures for me would be a complete bust.

So on rethinking it, I'll own the girly-girl label. But only if I get to define what it means.

[Drew Richards]

1. Come on darling give us a squinch and show us a pic of the vintage dress and shoes.

Be proud sounds to me like he loves and respects you for who you are. And can recognize how to respect others for how they are...

Good Job!

[kag]

2. After reading your post just now, I asked my son...

"Would you consider me a 'girly-girl'"? He just turned eighteen, and LOVES to argue about almost anything. But this question made him speechless. He sat and thought about it for full two minutes. I don't think I've ever seen him do that.

Now, I frankly would have a very hard time placing that label on myself. Like you, I have never had a manicure, nor do I even paint my own nails. I wear jeans and mens' t-shirts most places, but can dress up if I need to. I watch a lot of sports both live and on TV, but I don't garden because I have a brown thumb. (I don't even keep houseplants, 'cause I just kill them.)

On the other hand, i am not bad looking, am a great cook, and will allow my husband and son to open doors for me.

When my son finally spoke, he said, "If I have to choose 'yes' or 'no' I'll say no." So i pressed him for the long answer, and he said, "You're a mom. You fall outside the dichotomy."

He's pretty smart.

[cali]

3. lol. he is smart. man, what a clever way to get out of that spot.

[Brainstormy]

4. I get why your first reaction

was a little knee-jerk (your words) negative. I'm pretty sure I'd probably do a double-take, too. But you're right, we do get to define what it means, and very importantly, I think we need to defend ALL the feminine, feminist, womanly, girly, female, etc., etc., words so that they DON"T become automatically negative terms that we want to dissociate from.

BTW, I do like manicures, and some frills. But I also love hardware stores and dirt. Girls are complicated. Like most people.

Enjoyed your post.

[cali]

5. thank you so much for your comment

it added dimension to my op and made me think- more.

[valerief]

6. One thing we humans are are persony-persons. Corporations can't make that claim, at least. nt