"all the experiences of grief become part of the narrative of love for the one who died"

[orleans]

"Based on my own and my patients’ experiences, I now like to say that the story of loss has three “chapters.” Chapter 1 has to do with attachment: the strength of the bond with the person who has been lost. Understanding the relationship between degree of attachment and intensity of grief brings great relief for most patients. I often tell them that the size of their grief corresponds to the depth of their love.

snip

"All sorrows can be borne if you put them in a story or tell a story about them,” said the writer Isak Dinesen. When loss is a story, there is no right or wrong way to grieve. There is no pressure to move on. There is no shame in intensity or duration. Sadness, regret, confusion, yearning and all the experiences of grief become part of the narrative of love for the one who died.

http://opinionator.blogs.nytimes.com/2015/01/10/getting-grief-right/?smid=fb-nytimes&smtyp=pay&smvar=mapkwp&kwp_0=9727&_r=0

above essay written by psychotherapist Patrick O'Malley

[CaliforniaPeggy]

1. Thank you, my dear orleans, for this article.

I have not experienced this huge loss yet, but the day is coming, and I know I will need to read this again. It is superbly written!

[roguevalley]

2. this means a lot to me. I spent four years spiraling downward when my folks died

ten months apart. I actually died and was revived by my sister. That is how deep the rabbit hole went for me. That is how deep the love. I still feel like I lost both legs but its better. You do get better.

[fizzgig]

3. i needed to see this

thank you for posting it.