Welcome to DU! The truly grassroots left-of-center political community where regular people, not algorithms, drive the discussions and set the standards. Join the community: Create a free account Support DU (and get rid of ads!): Become a Star Member Latest Breaking News Editorials & Other Articles General Discussion The DU Lounge All Forums Issue Forums Culture Forums Alliance Forums Region Forums Support Forums Help & Search

sinkingfeeling

(52,993 posts)
Tue Apr 18, 2017, 09:01 PM Apr 2017

My sister committed suicide today. I'm the one who.found her and

called 911. She has been depressed since her husband died 3 years ago today. I now have only my son and granddaughter as my family.

I've never had to deal directly with a death before. Right now I'm angry that she couldn't move forward with living.

I had thought we'd travel together and enjoy our senior years. She was 70 and I'm 68.

218 replies = new reply since forum marked as read
Highlight: NoneDon't highlight anything 5 newestHighlight 5 most recent replies
My sister committed suicide today. I'm the one who.found her and (Original Post) sinkingfeeling Apr 2017 OP
So very sorry for your loss. Dakotacrat Apr 2017 #1
So sorry for both you and for her. The grief and sorrow of losing a spouse can be overwhelming. SharonAnn Apr 2017 #126
No Words Me. Apr 2017 #2
That is sad Break time Apr 2017 #3
I am so sorry for you Hokie Apr 2017 #4
I am so very sorry for your loss. femmedem Apr 2017 #5
I'm so sorry elehhhhna Apr 2017 #6
so sorry kanda Apr 2017 #7
Oh my God I'm so sorry sharp_stick Apr 2017 #8
I am so sorry for your loss . Sibling stuff can be very hard... bettyellen Apr 2017 #9
I am so sorry for your loss sinkingfeeling. May the good memories livetohike Apr 2017 #10
I am so sorry KT2000 Apr 2017 #11
I am so sorry for your loss. Lifelong Protester Apr 2017 #12
I can't even imagine the pain you're feeling... Docreed2003 Apr 2017 #13
Oh you must have so much going through your head and heart right now. lunasun Apr 2017 #14
Oh no. I'm so sorry. Laffy Kat Apr 2017 #15
Really sorry for your loss. What you went through is so traumatic. I hope you have someone to still_one Apr 2017 #16
There are no words adequate to convey my sadness reading your post... hlthe2b Apr 2017 #17
I've lost several friends to suicide OceanChick Apr 2017 #18
Our local Hospice was a great help to my daughter and her 5 year old son when the baby died of SIDS Hekate Apr 2017 #66
I am so terribly sorry, sf. I want to add my support for Ocean's suggestion. BlancheSplanchnik Apr 2017 #181
So very sorry! Snarkoleptic Apr 2017 #19
How very sad. madaboutharry Apr 2017 #20
Condolences to you -- and I'm so sorry that you were the one who found her. spooky3 Apr 2017 #21
I am so, so sorry. PoindexterOglethorpe Apr 2017 #22
I am sorry for your loss. nt Gore1FL Apr 2017 #23
Oh, my dear, that babylonsister Apr 2017 #24
I'm very sorry for your loss. Ilsa Apr 2017 #25
My heart goes out to you... Jack-o-Lantern Apr 2017 #26
I'm so sorry you had to go through this. I cant imagine the horror williesgirl Apr 2017 #27
Thinking of you MFM008 Apr 2017 #28
I am so very sorry for your loss. SaveOurDemocracy Apr 2017 #29
There are no words... lapucelle Apr 2017 #30
My brother did it in 2010. It just crushed my Mom, who died in 2015. Chasstev365 Apr 2017 #31
So sorry!! All of us are here for you. n/t Tess49 Apr 2017 #32
I am very sorry. teezy Apr 2017 #33
I am so sorry this has happened. CousinIT Apr 2017 #34
I'm so very sorry ailsagirl Apr 2017 #35
I am so sorry AwakeAtLast Apr 2017 #36
I'm so sorry for your loss. yardwork Apr 2017 #37
I don't even know what to say except I'm so sorry. Hang in there. OregonBlue Apr 2017 #38
Oh dear! 2naSalit Apr 2017 #39
So very very sorry. 50 Shades Of Blue Apr 2017 #40
My dad hanged himself in 1973- This won't go away. Please find a group, a therapist, a clergy-person NBachers Apr 2017 #41
Sorry you had to experience a terrific loss this way. grantcart Apr 2017 #108
.. Cha Apr 2017 #42
My condolences for your loss. We never know how a person will handle the loss of a spouse. Frustratedlady Apr 2017 #43
I feel so sorry for you. It's a shame people who are depressed Lint Head Apr 2017 #44
I am very sorry shenmue Apr 2017 #45
I'm so so very sorry..... onecaliberal Apr 2017 #46
I am in tears ... NanceGreggs Apr 2017 #47
I was there too TrogL Apr 2017 #142
I am so sorry for your loss. NanceGreggs Apr 2017 #215
I'm so sorry. Greybnk48 Apr 2017 #48
I'm so sorry for your loss. MelissaB Apr 2017 #49
I'm so sorry. cate94 Apr 2017 #50
... FailureToCommunicate Apr 2017 #51
Words cannot express. . my Heart aches for You. furtheradu Apr 2017 #52
My mom did the same thing ten months after my father died. She was 78. I found her. notdarkyet Apr 2017 #53
I'm very sorry for your loss and pain luvMIdog Apr 2017 #54
So sorry. SleeplessinSoCal Apr 2017 #55
Thank you all. The worse to me was that she was a trained social worker, but I couldn't get her to sinkingfeeling Apr 2017 #56
People in the helping professions have a high suicide rate. missingthebigdog Apr 2017 #95
I am so sorry. My brother is in the hospital after a AJT Apr 2017 #57
I am so sorry :( meadowlark5 Apr 2017 #58
My sister did the same last November Xipe Totec Apr 2017 #59
My condolences on the loss of your sister. gademocrat7 Apr 2017 #60
How awful for you. I'm so very sorry for your staggering loss. Hekate Apr 2017 #61
That's terrible, so sorry for your loss hibbing Apr 2017 #62
Deep compassion Equinox Moon Apr 2017 #63
I'm sorry for your loss, but I have thought about doing the same thing rather than having my loved mia Apr 2017 #64
I am so sorry. redwitch Apr 2017 #65
I'm sorry for your loss and I'm even more sorry that you were the one who found her... TheDebbieDee Apr 2017 #67
I am so sorry. Glimmer of Hope Apr 2017 #68
Oh my goodness, you and the family are in my prayers. iluvtennis Apr 2017 #69
I'm so sorry Danmel Apr 2017 #70
I am so sorry Frances Apr 2017 #71
I too am so sorry, Hamlette Apr 2017 #72
So sorry for your loss. amerikat Apr 2017 #73
I'm so sorry for your loss. beveeheart Apr 2017 #74
Please accept my sincere sympathy for your loss. The human spirit endures. Enoki33 Apr 2017 #75
No words Omaha Steve Apr 2017 #76
How very sad for you both. 3catwoman3 Apr 2017 #77
Your anger is normal. brer cat Apr 2017 #78
I am so sorry for your loss. (eom) StevieM Apr 2017 #79
Very sorry for your loss Denis 11 Apr 2017 #80
Sorry to hear that......... Dyedinthewoolliberal Apr 2017 #81
My sincerest condolences to you and your family ornotna Apr 2017 #82
So sorry😞 we can do it Apr 2017 #83
I am so very sorry. CBHagman Apr 2017 #84
I am so sorry for your loss sinkingfeeling ... Greywing Apr 2017 #85
I am so so sorry irisblue Apr 2017 #86
I'm so very sorry for your loss. Depression is so rough kysrsoze Apr 2017 #87
I am so sorry for your loss... I have had several very, very close friends that committed suicide... Raster Apr 2017 #88
Prayers and Hayduke Bomgarte Apr 2017 #89
I am thinking of you BadgerMom Apr 2017 #90
Heartfelt condolences to you and your family - PAMod Apr 2017 #91
I'm so sorry, sinkingfeeling fishwax Apr 2017 #92
Understand your feelings. orangecrush Apr 2017 #93
I am so sorry. My heart goes out to you. Doreen Apr 2017 #94
I am so sorry. murielm99 Apr 2017 #96
I'm so sorry for your loss. YOHABLO Apr 2017 #97
So sorry, be well randr Apr 2017 #98
I'm very so sorry for your loss BainsBane Apr 2017 #99
I am sorry for the pain you must feel. LisaM Apr 2017 #100
Adding my prayers and thoughts tavernier Apr 2017 #101
There are no words to express chillfactor Apr 2017 #102
Please accept my most sincere and heartfelt condolences. colorado_ufo Apr 2017 #103
My profound condolences to you and family. kairos12 Apr 2017 #104
I'm so sorry. DesertRat Apr 2017 #105
That's rough duty. Very rough. Strength and honor. WheelWalker Apr 2017 #106
I have been there too, my sister tried 5 years ago ... RainCaster Apr 2017 #107
So sorry for you :( Anger is normal. sharedvalues Apr 2017 #109
How terrible. I'm deeply sorry. nolabear Apr 2017 #110
Oh, God. I am so sorry. My deepest condolence. nt jrthin Apr 2017 #111
I'm sorry. Please accept my prayers and condolences. Lyricalinklines Apr 2017 #112
First, condolences Algernon Moncrieff Apr 2017 #113
I'm very sorry for your loss. EllieBC Apr 2017 #114
I'm so sorry LeftInTX Apr 2017 #115
This is devastating. So very, very sorry. EOM elfin Apr 2017 #116
it's not you, it was her certainot Apr 2017 #117
I am so very sorry. susanna Apr 2017 #118
I'm very sorry as well. It is very hard to lose someone you love. PatrickforO Apr 2017 #119
I am very sorry for your terrible loss. Old Crow Apr 2017 #120
I'm sending compassion and strength to you in your time of sorrow. democrank Apr 2017 #121
Message deleted by DU the Administrators BarbaRosa Apr 2017 #122
I am so so sorry. I hope you can find a peace that passes understanding Maraya1969 Apr 2017 #123
I'm very sorry to hear that. SomethingNew Apr 2017 #124
I'm so sorry. TDale313 Apr 2017 #125
I'm so very sorry janterry Apr 2017 #127
I am so very sorry for your loss. WomenRising2017 Apr 2017 #128
There truly are no words... just hoping you find peace. InAbLuEsTaTe Apr 2017 #129
Your family is in our thoughts and prayers TeamPooka Apr 2017 #130
I am so sorry for your loss. CanonRay Apr 2017 #131
Oh sf. MontanaMama Apr 2017 #132
I'm sorry Afromania Apr 2017 #133
that is heartbreaking. orleans Apr 2017 #134
I am so very, very sorry for your loss. pdxflyboy Apr 2017 #135
Sometimes that is the best option for a person and it is not an easy decision, I KNOW TOO! BigmanPigman Apr 2017 #136
This Is Sooo RobinA Apr 2017 #177
I am so very sorry, sinkingfeeling. pnwmom Apr 2017 #137
So, so sorry for your loss Samantha Apr 2017 #138
... defacto7 Apr 2017 #139
So heartbreaking, sinkingfeeling. Granny M Apr 2017 #140
What a terrible thing lillypaddle Apr 2017 #141
I'm so sorry. area51 Apr 2017 #143
:( sakabatou Apr 2017 #144
I am so sorry for your loss. barbtries Apr 2017 #145
I am so very sorry for your loss TxDemChem Apr 2017 #146
There are no words. anniebelle Apr 2017 #147
(((hugs)), don't know what to say. sueh Apr 2017 #148
My deepest sympathies.... flygal Apr 2017 #149
Love and peace to you... Freedomofspeech Apr 2017 #150
OMG DinahMoeHum Apr 2017 #151
I am so sorry for your loss. But she obviously couldnt caroldansen Apr 2017 #152
So sorry for you. N_E_1 for Tennis Apr 2017 #153
I'm very sorry. Please find someone to talk to about it. Nitram Apr 2017 #154
Deepest sympathies. Scarsdale Apr 2017 #155
So very sorry redstateblues Apr 2017 #156
Ahhh shit friend retrowire Apr 2017 #157
Sorry for your loss. Paladin Apr 2017 #158
So sorry DownriverDem Apr 2017 #159
I'm so sorry Fresh_Start Apr 2017 #160
My condolences for your loss krakfiend Apr 2017 #161
This made me cry---so sorry panader0 Apr 2017 #162
I'm so very sad for you amuse bouche Apr 2017 #163
Sorry harun Apr 2017 #164
To echo what everyone else has said, I can't imagine tour loss Victor_c3 Apr 2017 #165
My condolences and prayers left-of-center2012 Apr 2017 #166
I am so sorry for your loss! LongTomH Apr 2017 #167
My deepest sympathy (((hug))) Arazi Apr 2017 #168
OMG! I'm so sorry sdfernando Apr 2017 #169
I'm so sorry for your loss kimbutgar Apr 2017 #170
Aw, I'm so sorry to hear this, sinkingfeeling. calimary Apr 2017 #171
(((((((((((sf)))))) so very, very sorry for your devastating loss. as others have said, niyad Apr 2017 #172
I am so sorry for your loss. sheshe2 Apr 2017 #173
So sorry for your loss. mithnanthy Apr 2017 #174
How terrible wryter2000 Apr 2017 #175
So sorry for your loss pandr32 Apr 2017 #176
Sorry for your loss Stuart G Apr 2017 #178
Heat JeaneRaye Apr 2017 #179
Did you not notice what forum this was posted in? I have been a member of DU sinkingfeeling Apr 2017 #185
everyone processes grief differently n/t deek Apr 2017 #192
It's obvious to me that this group isn't for you. We are a SUPPORT group not a tearing down group. auntAgonist Apr 2017 #216
I hope all of our replies give you some bit of comfort. bitterross Apr 2017 #180
My sympathies Fatemah2774 Apr 2017 #182
I am so very sorry for you... Useless in FL Apr 2017 #183
My deepest sympathies for your loss. ATL Ebony Apr 2017 #184
So sorry you have to experience such anguish and grief. Wishing you moments of peace JudyM Apr 2017 #186
Hugs to you, your son and your daughter lunatica Apr 2017 #187
Dear God Highway61 Apr 2017 #188
Wishing you comfort and strength BadGimp Apr 2017 #189
So very sorry ... Mme. Defarge Apr 2017 #190
So sorry for your loss deek Apr 2017 #191
Yea... Understand completely. busterbrown Apr 2017 #193
more than one life torn asunder oldcynic Apr 2017 #194
My sister committed suicide today. I'm the one who.found her and dembat Apr 2017 #195
I cannot possibly comprehend your loss ..but my deepest condolences are with you. Le Gaucher Apr 2017 #196
I'm so sorry Nwgirl503 Apr 2017 #197
She must have really suffered! Stellar Apr 2017 #198
Im so sorry for your loss. You have my condolences SummerSnow Apr 2017 #199
I'm so sorry Sienna86 Apr 2017 #200
Oh No! I am so sorry for this loss and WhiteTara Apr 2017 #201
I'm so sorry. nt raccoon Apr 2017 #202
I am so sorry. Worried senior Apr 2017 #203
So sorry oldtime dfl_er Apr 2017 #204
So very very sorry joeybee12 Apr 2017 #205
My deepest sympathy for you and your family. progressoid Apr 2017 #206
I so very sorry your sister lost lexington filly Apr 2017 #207
It's hard to lose a sister, but this way was brutal. Paka Apr 2017 #208
Sorry LiberalBrooke Apr 2017 #209
I'm so sorry for everything you and your family are going through tibbir Apr 2017 #210
I'm so sorry.. mountain grammy Apr 2017 #211
Tears shared. raven mad Apr 2017 #212
sinkingfeeling, please accept my sincerest condolences... ClusterFreak Apr 2017 #213
I am so sorry for your loss. nycbos Apr 2017 #214
I cannot begin to imagine your pain at this time. I hope you can find some comfort here auntAgonist Apr 2017 #217
Thank yoy. I'm doing pretty good so far. sinkingfeeling Apr 2017 #218

Break time

(195 posts)
3. That is sad
Tue Apr 18, 2017, 09:05 PM
Apr 2017

So sorry to hear that....not much else anyone can say at a time like this but to tell you others among us care.

femmedem

(8,444 posts)
5. I am so very sorry for your loss.
Tue Apr 18, 2017, 09:05 PM
Apr 2017

I lost my fiancee to suicide several decades ago so I understand the shock.

I wish the two of you could have enjoyed your senior years together.

kanda

(183 posts)
7. so sorry
Tue Apr 18, 2017, 09:06 PM
Apr 2017

I am so very sorry for your loss. I'm at a loss for words. We expect to age with our siblings to our natural deaths, and when life doesn't go as planned, it can be devastating. Sending you healing prayers.

sharp_stick

(14,400 posts)
8. Oh my God I'm so sorry
Tue Apr 18, 2017, 09:06 PM
Apr 2017

Do you have anyone to talk to? Please reach out for help immediately, there are resources. Where are you, I'm sure someone will be able to help you set up.

livetohike

(22,968 posts)
10. I am so sorry for your loss sinkingfeeling. May the good memories
Tue Apr 18, 2017, 09:07 PM
Apr 2017

you have of your sister help ease the shock and sadness of the loss. My sympathy to the family and all who knew and loved your sister.

Docreed2003

(17,805 posts)
13. I can't even imagine the pain you're feeling...
Tue Apr 18, 2017, 09:09 PM
Apr 2017

So incredibly sorry for your loss...hope you are able to find some solace and peace after such a traumatic experience. Lean on the folks here...we may fight back and forth, but people genuinely care for each other. My thoughts and prayers are with you!

lunasun

(21,646 posts)
14. Oh you must have so much going through your head and heart right now.
Tue Apr 18, 2017, 09:11 PM
Apr 2017

I know someone who found thier brother who shot himself, he had so many different feelings from finding him , losing him and angry that his brother did it because of a romantic breakup ( again an issue of not being able to move on)
please take care and I wish you peace

still_one

(96,542 posts)
16. Really sorry for your loss. What you went through is so traumatic. I hope you have someone to
Tue Apr 18, 2017, 09:12 PM
Apr 2017

talk this through with

The arrangements and everything else are going to be tough, and I hope you don't have to do this alone

Take care

hlthe2b

(106,360 posts)
17. There are no words adequate to convey my sadness reading your post...
Tue Apr 18, 2017, 09:12 PM
Apr 2017

I am beyond inadequate in conveying how much concern I feel for you and all who loved your sister.

May many many many rally behind you, support you and may you find peace in that shower of caring.

OceanChick

(83 posts)
18. I've lost several friends to suicide
Tue Apr 18, 2017, 09:13 PM
Apr 2017

It's so hard to deal with. I encourage you to call Hospice. They have free counseling and it's very helpful. Suicide is a special type of loss and they will understand. Also, be very gentle with yourself and don't place expectations on how you should be feeling. Just try to flow with it and give yourself lots of time to heal and accept. Best to you.

Hekate

(94,665 posts)
66. Our local Hospice was a great help to my daughter and her 5 year old son when the baby died of SIDS
Tue Apr 18, 2017, 09:53 PM
Apr 2017

BlancheSplanchnik

(20,219 posts)
181. I am so terribly sorry, sf. I want to add my support for Ocean's suggestion.
Wed Apr 19, 2017, 01:00 PM
Apr 2017

I didn't know Hospice was a resource.
Please use every resource available to lean on.


My heart breaks for you....and there's lots of kindness here at DU anytime you need....but get in contact with support systems in real life. Please. When trauma hits, this is what we need most.

Ilsa

(62,239 posts)
25. I'm very sorry for your loss.
Tue Apr 18, 2017, 09:21 PM
Apr 2017

I can't even imagine how bad this is for your family. We are here, and we are thinking about you.

Jack-o-Lantern

(1,010 posts)
26. My heart goes out to you...
Tue Apr 18, 2017, 09:21 PM
Apr 2017

My sister Committed suicide in 1978 at the age of 34… her two small children found her…

williesgirl

(4,033 posts)
27. I'm so sorry you had to go through this. I cant imagine the horror
Tue Apr 18, 2017, 09:22 PM
Apr 2017

you felt. May your Sister rest in peace.

SaveOurDemocracy

(4,437 posts)
29. I am so very sorry for your loss.
Tue Apr 18, 2017, 09:24 PM
Apr 2017

Dealing with suicide is a difficult journey, so much confusion and conflicting emotions. Please do yourself a favor and look into getting some support to help you navigate this hard path.

Love, peace and hugs to you.

lapucelle

(19,532 posts)
30. There are no words...
Tue Apr 18, 2017, 09:24 PM
Apr 2017

how sad and tragic for both you and your sister. The shock of finding her is unimaginable.

I'm no expert on these things, but if you're feeling angry, then that's OK. We might be able to censor our words or modulate our public actions, but we can't control our feelings.

Be kind to yourself.



Chasstev365

(5,191 posts)
31. My brother did it in 2010. It just crushed my Mom, who died in 2015.
Tue Apr 18, 2017, 09:25 PM
Apr 2017

There has not been a single day since that I haven't though about him. So very sorry!

teezy

(269 posts)
33. I am very sorry.
Tue Apr 18, 2017, 09:27 PM
Apr 2017

I cannot imagine the pain you must be feeling. It's going to be hard moving forward from this, but you have a good support system here at DU. Thoughts for you, your son and your granddaughter at this difficult time.

CousinIT

(10,203 posts)
34. I am so sorry this has happened.
Tue Apr 18, 2017, 09:28 PM
Apr 2017

I hope you can somehow find peace although I know you're in a lot of pain right now.

2naSalit

(92,705 posts)
39. Oh dear!
Tue Apr 18, 2017, 09:30 PM
Apr 2017

I am so sorry to hear this. My sister did that almost two years ago now, she was 68. Her husband committed suicide eight yeas prior and she'd had a hard road on all levels thereafter. She left us with a house going into foreclosure and a big legal mess.

I am sorry for you and your family. I am noticing that I count how many siblings I have left lately, 3 out of 5, and it gives me an odd feeling.

I do hope that you are able to endure all that comes next, my thoughts and meditations will include you and your family for a while.


NBachers

(18,132 posts)
41. My dad hanged himself in 1973- This won't go away. Please find a group, a therapist, a clergy-person
Tue Apr 18, 2017, 09:31 PM
Apr 2017

a survivor's group; whatever you can do in the way of support. I know it's too recent and immediate right now, but your Democratic Underground family is here for you.

Alliance of Hope for Suicide Loss Survivors http://www.allianceofhope.org/

Survivors of suicide http://www.survivorsofsuicide.com/

Aftermath of Suicide: Help for Families https://www.elementsbehavioralhealth.com/mental-health/aftermath-of-suicide-help-for-families/

Frustratedlady

(16,254 posts)
43. My condolences for your loss. We never know how a person will handle the loss of a spouse.
Tue Apr 18, 2017, 09:32 PM
Apr 2017

I've seen strong people collapse under the strain of grieving and weak handle it with relative ease. It is a long road to go down and there is no time limit.

I'm sorry your sister took that turn in the road.

Lint Head

(15,064 posts)
44. I feel so sorry for you. It's a shame people who are depressed
Tue Apr 18, 2017, 09:33 PM
Apr 2017

don't have more sources to help them through their issues. Peace to you.

NanceGreggs

(27,835 posts)
47. I am in tears ...
Tue Apr 18, 2017, 09:35 PM
Apr 2017

... because I understand your anger - and I also understand your sister's pain.

In a few weeks, I will face the second anniversary of my beloved husband's passing. There have been times when I hoped I would fall asleep - and simply not wake up again.

I know I should feel an obligation to "be here" for my children, my siblings, my friends. And yet there is the overwhelming thought that the future I'd envisioned sharing with my husband is now a future of "me" instead of "we". The plans we'd made to retire together, maybe do some traveling, visit far-flung friends and relatives - it all disappeared overnight.

You have a right to be angry. Indulge in it - scream, cry, and curse the forces that led your sister to do what she did.

But remember that grief can be a force too powerful for some to fight, too overwhelming for some to overcome.

Your anger will pass. Your own grief will be with you for a long time to come.

My thoughts are with you and your family.

TrogL

(32,825 posts)
142. I was there too
Wed Apr 19, 2017, 01:22 AM
Apr 2017

...after my third job loss in a year, the third being a job everybody was begging me to quit because it was driving me into dark places.

My first wife died in 1983 and I'm still grieving.

NanceGreggs

(27,835 posts)
215. I am so sorry for your loss.
Thu Apr 20, 2017, 02:21 AM
Apr 2017

It is hard to explain to anyone who has not "been there" how devastating such a loss can be.

Back in my younger days - my 30s and 40s - I befriended many widows who lived in my neighbourhood. I often wondered why they couldn't "just move on" with their lives after losing a spouse. I had NO idea how painful that process was, and how difficult it would be to "just move on" as though your world had not been turned upside-down in an instant.

My late husband had been my third marriage - I rejoiced daily in the idea that I had FINALLY met my soul-mate, the man with whom I would live "happily ever after".

As Cher (as Loretta Castorini in Moonstruck) said of her dead husband: "Who knew that man was a gift I couldn't keep."

Alas, my late husband truly was a "gift I couldn't keep". I wish I'd been able to - but sadly for me, life had other plans.

furtheradu

(1,865 posts)
52. Words cannot express. . my Heart aches for You.
Tue Apr 18, 2017, 09:40 PM
Apr 2017

Please be gentle with YourSelf now. . NO guilt.
I will do what I know to do, pray, & send You Love & Light. BLESS YOU, & Yours. 💖

notdarkyet

(2,226 posts)
53. My mom did the same thing ten months after my father died. She was 78. I found her.
Tue Apr 18, 2017, 09:41 PM
Apr 2017

I had just got done caring for my father when he died. I found him. The worst and hardest was my husband. Don't feel bad. My mom and I talked about it. I feel if people want to check out they should be able to.

SleeplessinSoCal

(9,671 posts)
55. So sorry.
Tue Apr 18, 2017, 09:45 PM
Apr 2017

One can't carry another's burden or understand the weight they feel. We just can't. But we can empathize.

sinkingfeeling

(52,993 posts)
56. Thank you all. The worse to me was that she was a trained social worker, but I couldn't get her to
Tue Apr 18, 2017, 09:46 PM
Apr 2017

try talking to somebody or even getting anti-depression medication. She moved from Florida to an apartment across the street from me in December. Said she'd be better leaving the house she and her husband had had for 43 years. But she only got worse.

missingthebigdog

(1,233 posts)
95. People in the helping professions have a high suicide rate.
Tue Apr 18, 2017, 10:21 PM
Apr 2017

Part of it comes from thinking that they are trained to handle their issues.

Take a few deep breaths, then a few more. Feel however you feel. Don't become overwhelmed with all of the stuff that comes with a death- there is no real urgency to make arrangements, or clear out her home, or settle her estate. All of that can wait until you are ready.

Let people take care of you. You need taken care of, even if you don't think so. And other people need to feel like they are doing something to help. If they offer casseroles or pizzas, accept. If they ask you what you need, tell them.

If no one is there to help you, tell us. I have seen this community come together and do awesome things. We are here for you.

Xipe Totec

(44,063 posts)
59. My sister did the same last November
Tue Apr 18, 2017, 09:48 PM
Apr 2017

I am so angry with her as well, for not being able to cope with her loss, which was purely monetary.

I hope that you can accept her choice and move on with your life.

I hope for my sake that I can do so as well.

mia

(8,420 posts)
64. I'm sorry for your loss, but I have thought about doing the same thing rather than having my loved
Tue Apr 18, 2017, 09:53 PM
Apr 2017

ones deal with the end of life traumas that I have witnessed. I have been with two relatives in their final months, days, and moments. Your sister loved you and wanted to spare you from dealing with her problems.

We all deserve the right go to our rest, in peace, on our own terms.

redwitch

(15,081 posts)
65. I am so sorry.
Tue Apr 18, 2017, 09:53 PM
Apr 2017

That is truly awful. Are your son and granddaughter close by? I hope that they can be with you through this terrible loss.

 

TheDebbieDee

(11,119 posts)
67. I'm sorry for your loss and I'm even more sorry that you were the one who found her...
Tue Apr 18, 2017, 09:54 PM
Apr 2017

I'm wishing you lots of eye bleach to blot what you saw from your memory.

Danmel

(5,233 posts)
70. I'm so sorry
Tue Apr 18, 2017, 09:57 PM
Apr 2017

How awful. I hope that in time sweet memories of your beloved sister will be a comfort to you. Don't be afraid to ask for help in dealing with this painful loss. People are here for you.

Frances

(8,579 posts)
71. I am so sorry
Tue Apr 18, 2017, 09:59 PM
Apr 2017

You must be in a state of shock now.

In a few weeks you may want to look for a suicide support group. I have been thinking of joining a group near me because of a suicide in my family.

Hamlette

(15,531 posts)
72. I too am so sorry,
Tue Apr 18, 2017, 10:01 PM
Apr 2017

someday you will forgive her but anger is the natural reaction to suicide. I read a book "The Angry God" many years ago trying to cope with a suicide (not nearly as close as a sister) and it helped. Not sure its still in print but any good bookstore or library could steer you to something that might help.

Wishing you well.

amerikat

(5,000 posts)
73. So sorry for your loss.
Tue Apr 18, 2017, 10:02 PM
Apr 2017

Don't be angry. She did the best she could. Grief is a process. Be kind to yourself.

3catwoman3

(25,441 posts)
77. How very sad for you both.
Tue Apr 18, 2017, 10:04 PM
Apr 2017

Many words of wisdom here in this thread.

My brother died when he was only 23, in a scuba diving adventure gone wrong, in 1978. I remember wondering if I was "doing it right," when it came to grieving, because I wasn't going thru the 5 stages delineated by Kubler-Ross.

There's no right way to grieve except whatever way turns out to be right for you, and there's no timetable. I echo those who encourage you to find support of some kind.

brer cat

(26,275 posts)
78. Your anger is normal.
Tue Apr 18, 2017, 10:08 PM
Apr 2017

What you are going through is horrific, and I hope you will find help to ease your suffering. You have my deepest condolences.

kysrsoze

(6,143 posts)
87. I'm so very sorry for your loss. Depression is so rough
Tue Apr 18, 2017, 10:12 PM
Apr 2017

My daughter attempted suicide last year and scared the living daylights out of me. If her friends hadn't called 911, she wouldn't be with me. She's fought depression for years. And I'm still worried for her.

And it's completely understandable that you're angry. They don't understand the magnitude of what they're doing, but you end up holding the bag. Hang in there - and like others have said, consider some counseling.

Raster

(20,999 posts)
88. I am so sorry for your loss... I have had several very, very close friends that committed suicide...
Tue Apr 18, 2017, 10:14 PM
Apr 2017

...I am so sorry you were the one who had to find her... that said, be angry, but realize, this wasn't about you. This was about her and how she felt she could not go on. And try to understand that she may have been dealing with depression and negative feelings that you really can't imagine at this time.

And now to you... please consider talking with someone, please consider seeing a Therapist, you are going to need to reach out to someone and talk with someone who can help you. And wonderful and supporting DU may be, you're probably going to need something more to help process this loss.

Bless your heart.



orangecrush

(21,796 posts)
93. Understand your feelings.
Tue Apr 18, 2017, 10:17 PM
Apr 2017

Been there.

It helped me to remember the person as they were when they were happy and healthy.

Wishing you healing and just know you are not alone.

chillfactor

(7,694 posts)
102. There are no words to express
Tue Apr 18, 2017, 10:39 PM
Apr 2017

what you must be going through...blessings on you, your son, and your granddaughter...may you sister finally find peace

RainCaster

(11,545 posts)
107. I have been there too, my sister tried 5 years ago ...
Tue Apr 18, 2017, 10:45 PM
Apr 2017

and as the oldest, it fell to me to pick up the mess for her and help her get her life back together. I'm so glad I did, because she has returned to the wonderful woman I always knew. I'm so sorry that you weren't able to reach your sister in time. I hope your heart can heal from this. Reach out to your friends and family please.

Algernon Moncrieff

(5,942 posts)
113. First, condolences
Tue Apr 18, 2017, 10:55 PM
Apr 2017

Second, I know their is the funeral/burial/cremation and the bureaucracy and family drama that comes with all of that. You should consider sharing your anger and grief with a counselor or minister. It's a large burden to carry.

 

certainot

(9,090 posts)
117. it's not you, it was her
Tue Apr 18, 2017, 10:57 PM
Apr 2017

she wanted it. don't let it eat you up.

it can eat people up for decades. fuck that.

Old Crow

(2,226 posts)
120. I am very sorry for your terrible loss.
Tue Apr 18, 2017, 11:01 PM
Apr 2017

The whole situation is terrible. I can't imagine what you're going through.

democrank

(11,250 posts)
121. I'm sending compassion and strength to you in your time of sorrow.
Tue Apr 18, 2017, 11:02 PM
Apr 2017

Please know you are not alone. There are caring people out there who will help and comfort you through your grief. When you're ready, reach out.

Maraya1969

(22,997 posts)
123. I am so so sorry. I hope you can find a peace that passes understanding
Tue Apr 18, 2017, 11:02 PM
Apr 2017

during this time.

When people commit suicide who are not under horrible outside forces they are not in their right minds. I believe at the time of her death your sister suffered from a mental problem that caused he to not see things clearly.

I am so sorry.

 

WomenRising2017

(203 posts)
128. I am so very sorry for your loss.
Tue Apr 18, 2017, 11:13 PM
Apr 2017

As someone who has also lost a loved one to suicide, I wish I could hug you right now.

It's a long journey to understanding, and acceptance of the loss.

I know you are in pain right now, but eventually the anger will subside.

Eventually, you won't see it as a selfish move on her part, but as an illness that she couldn't cope with.

She didn't mean to hurt you. She just simply wanted to stop feeling hurt.

It took me 30 years to understand that.

Much love to you. And again, I am so very sorry for your loss. I wish you peace and comfort.

Remember the love that you shared. Treasure the memories. And try to understand that her death was not meant to hurt you.

CanonRay

(14,864 posts)
131. I am so sorry for your loss.
Tue Apr 18, 2017, 11:29 PM
Apr 2017

I'm hoping the anger will pass, and I'm sending positive energy to help that happen.

MontanaMama

(24,023 posts)
132. Oh sf.
Tue Apr 18, 2017, 11:29 PM
Apr 2017

Pleas accept my condolences on the profound loss of your sister. There are no words. I'm just so sorry.

orleans

(34,965 posts)
134. that is heartbreaking.
Tue Apr 18, 2017, 11:55 PM
Apr 2017

what a tremendous loss and sorrow.

suicide can make losing a loved one even more difficult to cope with.

wishing both you and your sister some peace.

BigmanPigman

(52,259 posts)
136. Sometimes that is the best option for a person and it is not an easy decision, I KNOW TOO!
Tue Apr 18, 2017, 11:59 PM
Apr 2017

I am going to do this also. It is all planned and my sister knows and understands. I am planning to go to a foreign country for a pain free assisted suicide. Pain can be so unbearable (both mental and physical) and they do it as a humane form of death for pets. It is legal in CA but few doctors want to do it due to lawsuits. I have my passport renewed and I am ready to go and all of my affairs are in order. I am going to wait for my dog to die first. No one wants me to be in pain and if they are ever in my shoes they have told me that they probably will do the same. I am glad I have a close and loving support group of family and friends. Of course it is sad. I feel so badly that I won't be able to help my sister take care of our parents but she told me that she has her husband and my niece to help her. I am glad I don't have to keep it a secret. That would be difficult for everyone. I hope that you understand how enormous her pain must have been for her to do this. She is in peace now and that should be comforting for you. I am glad that she no longer has that constant aching pain. I understand how both of you feel and have felt. Carry on knowing that she is happy now. She hasn't been happy for so long and now she finally has been released from the tortuous pain she felt every moment of every day. Peace for all of you!

Samantha

(9,314 posts)
138. So, so sorry for your loss
Wed Apr 19, 2017, 12:07 AM
Apr 2017

I wanted to recommend to you that you might want to learn about the seven stages of grief. It is important as you travel through the time ahead to realize the different feelings you will have in this journey of grieving. Here is a link I found that when you feel up to it, you might want to read. Although the loss of your sister is tragic and will take time for you to accept, try to remember it is important to take care of yourself as well.

http://www.journey-through-grief.com/7-stages-of-grief.html

Best regards,

Sam

lillypaddle

(9,605 posts)
141. What a terrible thing
Wed Apr 19, 2017, 01:17 AM
Apr 2017

I don't blame you for being angry. I am sorry for your loss, and hope you take time for yourself to heal before trying to move forward.

anniebelle

(909 posts)
147. There are no words.
Wed Apr 19, 2017, 05:19 AM
Apr 2017

You will have moments, many, many, moments of unspeakable grief during the coming days and weeks and months and yes, years. My advice is to seek counsel to deal with your pain. Everyone handles their grief differently, but in the end, it's all about feeling helpless and lonely. I've been there and deal with it every day. First I was angry, then felt guilty that I couldn't have been of more help. I will have to say, I don't think it's helpful to blame the person who felt so alone, they felt the only way to escape their pain was to end it all. Until you've been in that exact same position, how could one possibly know what was going on in her heart and soul and mind. Please take care of yourself and express your grief openly and freely ~ it does help to get through the lonely days ahead.

flygal

(3,231 posts)
149. My deepest sympathies....
Wed Apr 19, 2017, 06:28 AM
Apr 2017

What a horrible shock. I know you're dealing with that now, but do not fret about your future.

My mother is single at 75 and even with family around, they rarely visit. She has found a great deal of happiness with her friends she made through volunteering at several places. They meet for coffee, lunch, and play bunko. Several of them also go hiking together.

There is still plenty for you to do and you can enjoy those years. Take care. so so sorry.

caroldansen

(725 posts)
152. I am so sorry for your loss. But she obviously couldnt
Wed Apr 19, 2017, 07:08 AM
Apr 2017

cope with her loss. Always try to think of all the beautiful times you shared together.

Scarsdale

(9,426 posts)
155. Deepest sympathies.
Wed Apr 19, 2017, 07:31 AM
Apr 2017

We have had suicides in our family, and it is devastating. You constantly ask yourself what else you could have done. Well, NOTHING, it is out of your hands. So very, very sorry.

retrowire

(10,345 posts)
157. Ahhh shit friend
Wed Apr 19, 2017, 07:43 AM
Apr 2017

I'm so sorry! Keep as close to us and family as possible. We do care about you! We may be the internet but we are real people!

Paladin

(28,763 posts)
158. Sorry for your loss.
Wed Apr 19, 2017, 07:52 AM
Apr 2017

Don't feel guilty over that anger you're feeling---the mixture of grief and anger is a very common reaction to the suicide of a loved one. I speak from experience on that. Treat yourself well, and know that time really does makes things better.

Victor_c3

(3,557 posts)
165. To echo what everyone else has said, I can't imagine tour loss
Wed Apr 19, 2017, 08:46 AM
Apr 2017

The only thing I can say is try to take it easy with the memory of your sister.

I personally have attempted suicide before and deal with severe depression from time to time. The state of mind that she was in right before the end of her life is something that, unless you've experienced before, there is no way to understand it. Suicide is a decision that is made by a very irrational state of mind and this does not at all reflect on the person she was.

Do your best to continue to love your sister and her memory. I sincerely hope that anger about how her life ended does not corrupt that for you. She still is and always will be the person you loved and remembered her being.

left-of-center2012

(34,195 posts)
166. My condolences and prayers
Wed Apr 19, 2017, 08:59 AM
Apr 2017

I'm sorry to hear this.
My dad killed himself.
He was in the last few weeks of "end stage" (?) Emphysema, fighting for every breath.

sdfernando

(5,381 posts)
169. OMG! I'm so sorry
Wed Apr 19, 2017, 10:27 AM
Apr 2017

I hope you are doing OK. Anger is a normal and healthy reaction. Its part of the grieving process.

calimary

(84,331 posts)
171. Aw, I'm so sorry to hear this, sinkingfeeling.
Wed Apr 19, 2017, 11:19 AM
Apr 2017


Dealing with death is NO picnic.

What sometimes helps is to seek support. There is grief counseling. There are support groups and bereavement groups. Thanks to your post, I now know, for example, that there's even a Bereavement Group here. Seek out support. There are many strong shoulders to lean on, at times like this. When my mother died, they sure came out for me, here. We certainly see that manifested in this thread of yours.

You're gonna have SOOOOOO many mixed feelings in the days, months, and even years ahead. So take comfort wherever you find it. It WILL be there. And remember this, too: "FAMILY" can be defined in many ways, not just by blood. You already have a big one right here, for example.

niyad

(119,931 posts)
172. (((((((((((sf)))))) so very, very sorry for your devastating loss. as others have said,
Wed Apr 19, 2017, 11:23 AM
Apr 2017

be kind and gentle with yourself.

JeaneRaye

(429 posts)
179. Heat
Wed Apr 19, 2017, 12:34 PM
Apr 2017

First of all, I am very sorry for your loss. It must have been horrible to experience the death of your sister in such a sad way.

That said, I don't for the life of me, understand how someone can experience this and be able to go on to the internet the very day that it happened, and air this sad thing in such a public forum to total strangers. Speaking for myself, that would be the very last thing that I would do in that situation. More likely, you would find me, curled up in a corner somewhere.

I have seen this kind of thing shared on this site in the past and have thought the same thing that I am sharing now. This time, I just had to say something.

sinkingfeeling

(52,993 posts)
185. Did you not notice what forum this was posted in? I have been a member of DU
Wed Apr 19, 2017, 01:48 PM
Apr 2017

for a long period of time and feel like sharing with these people is like speaking to my friends. My son is over 500 miles from me and he and my granddaughter are my only remaining 'real family'.

I don't curl up in corners. I needed to share this event.

auntAgonist

(17,257 posts)
216. It's obvious to me that this group isn't for you. We are a SUPPORT group not a tearing down group.
Thu Apr 20, 2017, 08:54 AM
Apr 2017

Your post is out of line.

kesha
auntAgonist.

 

bitterross

(4,066 posts)
180. I hope all of our replies give you some bit of comfort.
Wed Apr 19, 2017, 12:53 PM
Apr 2017

I am so sorry to hear about your loss. There is nothing really I can say but to hope you do feel the love and caring that is being sent your way by everyone here who takes the time to write a comment.

Fatemah2774

(245 posts)
182. My sympathies
Wed Apr 19, 2017, 01:12 PM
Apr 2017

I understand...loss is always sad, and having your sister go that route is sad. I hope you stay well....

ATL Ebony

(1,097 posts)
184. My deepest sympathies for your loss.
Wed Apr 19, 2017, 01:35 PM
Apr 2017

Hope you have friends/neighbors to help you through the difficult times ahead. If not, DU is here for you and possibly someone may live close to you that can help you through this. My prayers are with you and your family, please reach out for support.

JudyM

(29,517 posts)
186. So sorry you have to experience such anguish and grief. Wishing you moments of peace
Wed Apr 19, 2017, 02:05 PM
Apr 2017

whenever they can reach you, and strength. Feeling very sad for you, sf.

lunatica

(53,410 posts)
187. Hugs to you, your son and your daughter
Wed Apr 19, 2017, 02:07 PM
Apr 2017

Depression is terrible. I have suffered from it and many times I thought of suicide. The psychic pain can get so bad and you can sink so deeply into it that you truly believe it will never end, and if the onset of her depression was due to her husband's death it had to be even worse. She must have felt her life was over.

All of you need to go through all the stages of grief. Give yourself ample room to do so. Don't get stuck in your anger because neither you or your children deserve that.

busterbrown

(8,515 posts)
193. Yea... Understand completely.
Wed Apr 19, 2017, 03:11 PM
Apr 2017

But Depression is almost impossible to understand unless you have it..
I’m sure you’ll become more understanding towards her disease as time passes.

oldcynic

(385 posts)
194. more than one life torn asunder
Wed Apr 19, 2017, 03:19 PM
Apr 2017

Someone once told me "The pain will never go away but you can learn to live with it". That is no comfort for you now, but it is true.

http://grief.com/the-five-stages-of-grief/#

dembat

(47 posts)
195. My sister committed suicide today. I'm the one who.found her and
Wed Apr 19, 2017, 03:25 PM
Apr 2017

I am so sorry for your loss, my condolences.

 

Le Gaucher

(1,547 posts)
196. I cannot possibly comprehend your loss ..but my deepest condolences are with you.
Wed Apr 19, 2017, 03:51 PM
Apr 2017

I hope her end was not painful

Nwgirl503

(406 posts)
197. I'm so sorry
Wed Apr 19, 2017, 04:03 PM
Apr 2017

Be kind to, and take care of yourself. Try to focus on the good times you shared. Don't beat yourself up with guilt or regret. Suicide is almost impossible to wrap your head around unless you've been to the edge yourself. If you haven't been there, you're probably not going to understand what depths she must have been in to finally do it. Making sense of it is essentially impossible so please don't expend your energy trying to find an answer to the unanswerable.

Sending good vibes out into the universe for peace for you, your family and all her loved ones.

WhiteTara

(30,166 posts)
201. Oh No! I am so sorry for this loss and
Wed Apr 19, 2017, 05:07 PM
Apr 2017

the incredible pain and confusion and the absolute unreality of it all. I hope you can feel my

oldtime dfl_er

(6,988 posts)
204. So sorry
Wed Apr 19, 2017, 05:11 PM
Apr 2017

How hard for you. I'm so sorry you had to experience this. And to be the one who found her makes it 100 times more difficult.

Anger is, believe it or not, a healthy response. Grant yourself time and support.

Candle lit.

http://gratefulness.org/candle/otdflr-united-states-2/

lexington filly

(239 posts)
207. I so very sorry your sister lost
Wed Apr 19, 2017, 05:44 PM
Apr 2017

lost her life to depression and you lost her and your future with her. Someone caught up in depression is really trying and doing the very best they can. I think of your sister as I would someone with cancer. Some survive cancer and some lose their lives to cancer. And like that disease, there are different levels of depression. It's easier to understand a disease that can be scanned, tested for in a lab, something a surgeon might cut out. Yet depression is just as real. Again, I'm sorry.

Paka

(2,760 posts)
208. It's hard to lose a sister, but this way was brutal.
Wed Apr 19, 2017, 05:59 PM
Apr 2017

My heart goes out to you. Sending you oodles of healing vibes.

LiberalBrooke

(565 posts)
209. Sorry
Wed Apr 19, 2017, 06:22 PM
Apr 2017

I am so sorry. Our family also had a suicide and it is just plain sad and sucky. Take the time for yourself to cry and grieve.

tibbir

(1,170 posts)
210. I'm so sorry for everything you and your family are going through
Wed Apr 19, 2017, 06:40 PM
Apr 2017

Losing a loved one to death is very hard but to lose them to suicide is so much harder to deal with. My thoughts go out to your family.

raven mad

(4,940 posts)
212. Tears shared.
Wed Apr 19, 2017, 07:43 PM
Apr 2017

I am SO sorry.

Hugs from another old broad way up here, and yeah, you're welcome at our shack any time. It is the hardest thing to do; a loved one who is gone. May your other loved ones and your good memories keep you.



ClusterFreak

(3,112 posts)
213. sinkingfeeling, please accept my sincerest condolences...
Wed Apr 19, 2017, 08:10 PM
Apr 2017

I hope you find the peace you seek and will need going forward.

auntAgonist

(17,257 posts)
217. I cannot begin to imagine your pain at this time. I hope you can find some comfort here
Thu Apr 20, 2017, 08:59 AM
Apr 2017

in this group of loving people.

Many have been in your situation and fully understand how you are processing things.

Please know we are ALL here for you.

I will monitor this page and thread and will try to keep negative folks away. I'm sorry JeanRayes comment was made. She won't be commenting again.

kesha.

Latest Discussions»Support Forums»Bereavement»My sister committed suici...