Ex girlfriend not allowing me to attend my friend's scattering of ashes

[RSherman]

My friend Scott and I dated for close to 5 years. He became disabled. I paid his bills for 3 months until he could be approved for SNAP, etc. He passed away in December. A mutual friend let me know his mother (83 with Parkinson's) had no money for the funeral home, so I paid. Even though he cashed out his 401k to buy out his ex for his property, her name is still on the deed. His family (who I am friendly with) is scattering his ashes at his home this Saturday. Today, our minister told me that the ex is adamant that I am not allowed at the ceremony because she technically owns the property. I do feel sympathy for her. I think they had been together for about 18 years. I think she basically helped to raise his youngest daughter. I would like to think if the situation were reversed that I would be more understanding.

I am devastated to not be allowed at his service. I'm trying so hard to find peace with this.

[Marthe48]

1. Is there a possibility that the family or funeral home would give you a vial of ashes?

WMy Mom passed away, and my daughter had already made plans to travel with a friend. She took a very small vial of my Mom's ashes with her, and left a bit in Vienna, Rome, Berlin and one other city she visited. The remaining ashes were scattered in Colorado as my Mom requested.

I remember your post about losing your friend. Sorry that the bad vibes continue.

[RSherman]

2. Thank you

Actually, I do have ashes. Thank goodness. I also ordered a memorial stone to place at the top of prospect mountain in lake george. I just wish this woman didn't see me as the enemy. He should be surrounded by everyone who loved him.

[MutantAndProud]

7. Glad to hear you can have your own memorial

The ceremony would already be tainted by that petty and irrational behavior, so at least you don’t have to have that around for your farewell

It’s not uncommon for people to turn out like that, I don’t know why it happens. I haven’t had to deal with that in my immediate family as far as funerals, but absolutely for other reasons.

[RSherman]

8. Thank you for understanding

[mahina]

3. I am so very sorry. I cant imagine. My only idea

Is to go somewhere you used to cruise together or somewhere you do, with paint cans and rollers and a couple of friends and paint out graffitti. Take rubbish bags and rakes and clean up. Take some flowers and dirt and tools if its somewhere you pass regularly and can water, or do a seed drop.

Find a piece of scrap wood and paint his name on it and write whatever you have to say and put it down to remember him so when you go by there it’ll lift your heart with love. That’s really all I’ve got. Good luck with forgiveness. She needs it.

[RSherman]

5. Thank you

Those are beautiful ideas

[LoisB]

4. How sad. If you paid for the funeral home (she must know this), it is very rude of her to not

not allow you to be present at the ceremony. Hopefully, she will one day see the light and apologize to you. I am sorry about the loss of your friend.

[RSherman]

6. Thank you so much

[badhair77]

9. I am so sorry this is happening to you

and I’m glad you are finding ways to honor Scott. As for the ex-girlfriend, I doubt that property and her ultimatum will bring her the satisfaction she thinks it will. I hope you can keep a positive attitude through this. I wish you peace.

[RSherman]

10. Thank you so much

[PoindexterOglethorpe]

11. I am so sorry.

When my younger son died, he was cremated, and I decided to have his ashes put into containers so that those who attended the memorial for him could take one (or more if they wanted) and scatter them wherever. He has been around the world, as many people posted videos or pictures on his FB page. It was wonderful.