Please give me your thoughts.

[no_hypocrisy]

My father died in April.

I don't miss him. He was almost 91 and got meaner to me as he aged. The last "meaningful" communication from Dad to me was a voicemail where he shouted at me to move my car from his driveway. (I know, reminds me of "Hey kids! Get off my lawn!&quot And we had a contentious past together.

While I can try to write his attitude off as part of some kind of age-related dementia that was subtle and incremental, I find myself more angry than prone to grieve. I didn't cry at his memorial service and have no sentiment with clearing out his possessions from his home.

Don't get me wrong. I'm NOT glad he died (and no, I'm not in denial).

It's just weird not to grieve when society on the whole expects you to do that.

[auntAgonist]

1. I understand (I think) what you're talking about .. I suppose I will face the same

when my Father passes. Not that I wish that he'd pass you understand.

I have been thinking about this for quite some time as he ages. He'll be 89 in October.
He and I never have had a good relationship. We are congenial and that's about it.
I have a lot of issues with our past. Issues that I have never spoken about to anyone. Perhaps my attitudes would change if I sought therapy, but then I'd have to feel it important enough.

I can't see me sobbing and grieving in the way many will and do.

Bottom line here.
We all grieve differently. Your grieving and mine are similar only in the fact that we both have fathers.
There is NO wrong way and NO proper way to grieve.

I think I will be angry too and finally let go of the hurt. (make sense?)

I'm sorry for your loss. It is a loss, a different loss.

aA
kesha

[Arkansas Granny]

2. I felt no sorrow when my grandmother died.

Through her hateful remarks and spiteful actions she was responsible for a lot of bad feelings and painful memories for many of my family members. She was not missed.

[no_hypocrisy]

4. Thanks to you both. You get it.

Yes it's a loss but a loss that took place long before Dad died.

[Downwinder]

5. Get your tricycle out of the drive, it is blocking the garage door.

[orleans]

7. maybe a lot of this relationship was lost a long time ago?

"Grief is a multifaceted response to loss, particularly to the loss of someone or something to which a bond was formed. Although conventionally focused on the emotional response to loss, it also has physical, cognitive, behavioral, social, spiritual, and philosophical dimensions. While the terms are often used interchangeably, bereavement refers to the state of loss, and grief is the reaction to loss.
Grief is a natural response to loss. It is the emotional suffering one feels when something or someone the individual loves is taken away"
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Grief

it seems you were/are angry with him (and resentful?) and that overrides and overshadows other feelings and emotions.

and because of his age i'm guessing there was some responsibility, stress, and pressure put on you to help him/watch over him/take care of him. ?

not everyone gets along, personalities clash, family dynamics get skewed. and we are all far from perfect. and i think that's when the idea of forgiveness comes into play--to forgive someone else for their indifference, inconsideration, imperfections, and unintentional cruelties. (and just because you forgive them doesn't make you instantly like them or care about them)

i suppose no one can grieve over someone when they do not consider their absence a loss.

i had a pretty good relationship with my dad but we would still get into some really stupid, loud fights. i remember him saying, in the middle of one of our fights, that i would miss him when he was gone. and i shouted back at him that of course i would miss him but i wouldn't miss these fucking fights!

and that turned out to be true. i never missed our fights/arguments. but i missed him and all the positive things he brought to my life. (unlike my mom where i continue to miss every aspect we shared--both good and bad, including the fights.)

i'm sorry you didn't have a better relationship with your father.
i'm sorry you missed out on having a positive relationship with him but plenty of people do not have positive relationships with their parents or other family members; you are certainly not alone when it comes to that.

in a way, you and i are in similar boats headed in the opposite direction.
while you said "It's just weird not to grieve when society on the whole expects you to do that" i could say about myself: "it's just weird not to get over it and move on when society on the whole expects you to do that."

and i think either way, whichever direction we're headed, it's okay.

[PasadenaTrudy]

8. I don't miss my mom

I never had an emotional connection with her. I cried when I got the news of her passing, but I don't grieve for her. My sis died two months after mom and that has been a bear for me.