🚨Biden issues pre-emptive pardons for potential Trump targets

With just hours remaining, the retiring Democrat issued pardons for Mark Milley, Anthony Fauci and several people related to the Jan. 6 investigation

For weeks, there's been speculation and White House debate about whether President Joe Biden would issue pre-emptive pardons for those who might be targeted by Donald Trump. As Inauguration Day approached, it appeared that the retiring Democrat had decided not to pursue such an approach.

Those appearances were wrong. With just hours remaining in his term, Biden issued pardons for:

Ret. Gen. Mark Milley
Dr. Anthony Fauci
Members and staffers of the House Jan. 6 committee
Police officers who testified before the Jan. 6 committee

......"Our nation relies on dedicated, selfless public servants every day," the outgoing president said in a written statement, which did not reference his Republican successor by name. "They are the lifeblood of our democracy. Yet alarmingly, public servants have been subjected to ongoing threats and intimidation for faithfully discharging their duties."

"In certain cases, some have even been threatened with criminal prosecutions, including General Mark A. Milley, Dr. Anthony S. Fauci, and the members and staff of the Select Committee to Investigate the January 6th Attack on the United States Capitol. These public servants have served our nation with honor and distinction and do not deserve to be the targets of unjustified and politically motivated prosecutions."....

"I believe in the rule of law, and I am optimistic that the strength of our legal institutions will ultimately prevail over politics. But these are exceptional circumstances, and I cannot in good conscience do nothing," the outgoing president added in his statement. "Baseless and politically motivated investigations wreak havoc on the lives, safety, and financial security of targeted individuals and their families. Even when individuals have done nothing wrong — and in fact have done the right thing — and will ultimately be exonerated, the mere fact of being investigated or prosecuted can irreparably damage reputations and finances."

Biden concluded, "The issuance of these pardons should not be mistaken as an acknowledgment that any individual engaged in any wrongdoing, nor should acceptance be misconstrued as an admission of guilt for any offense. Our nation owes these public servants a debt of gratitude for their tireless commitment to our country."

WASHINGTON (The Borowitz Report)—Monday’s Inauguration will see the temperature and IQ dive into the twenties, according to official forecasts.

That figure will not be a historically low temperature but will be a record low IQ, experts say.

According to record-keepers, the IQ will plummet to a level seen only during the Inauguration of 2017, which notched the modern low for that metric.

To stay safe amid the plunging IQ, Americans are urged to remain indoors and use caution for the next 4 years.

As the nation braces for the inauguration of President-elect Donald Trump, grassroots organizations across the country are mobilizing in protest. Under the banner of “We Fight Back 2025,” more than 700 protests are reportedly planned nationwide on Jan. 20. Initial conveners include the People’s Forum and the Palestinian Youth Movement, among others.

In a written statement, organizers from People’s Forum said that on Inauguration Day, “people from across New York City will come together in Washington Square Park to demand a future that centers the needs of the people over the interests of the wealthy elite. With voices raised for workers’ rights, immigrant rights, and environmental justice, we will call for an end to the genocide in Gaza, the U.S. war machine, and the rule of billionaires.”.....

The protest is scheduled to take place at the city’s Torch of Friendship at 6:30 p.m. ET and has been in the works for weeks. Medina said the protest aims to deliver a resounding rebuke to the Trump administration’s anticipated agenda.

Again, just to underscore: As long as the forecast stays on track, travel is going to be nearly impossible Monday after midnight and all day Tuesday. You will almost certainly be stuck where you are until at least later Wednesday morning. The exception to this may be the far north now (like north of Highway 105), where snow may end up lighter, no ice occurs, and roads may clear off a bit after the snow stops Tuesday afternoon. But even that may be optimistic. More to come on this.

Historical context
Realistically, this is the most significant snow threat to the region since Christmas Eve 2004. The 1895 storm stands alone as the greatest on record in Texas and Louisiana, and this storm will not dethrone that one. However, with that in mind, this has the potential to set a modern official snowfall record in Houston, which currently sits at a mere 3 inches back in February 1960. January 1940 also sits at 3 inches. While a few storms since then, including Christmas Eve 2004 have produced higher amounts in parts of the area, from a record-keeping perspective, we have a chance to make some noise.

WASHINGTON (The Borowitz Report)—In an eleventh-hour decision on Sunday, the Inauguration of Donald J. Trump has been moved from the Capitol Rotunda to the interior of a Tesla Cybertruck.

The change of venue, dictated by Elon Musk’s Department of Government Efficiency (DOGE), means that only people with a net worth of over 100 billion will be able to attend.

“There’s room for me, Zuckerberg, and Bezos, but, unfortunately, not JD Vance,” Musk said. “I usually don’t let employees work remotely, but JD will be allowed to call in.”

The decision to hold the Inauguration inside the electric vehicle pleased Trump, who estimated the number of people inside the truck at 4 million.

CNN anchor Jim Acosta was offered a graveyard shift at the network to banish him to “the Siberia of television news” as Donald Trump returns to the presidency, a former CNN media reporter wrote Thursday.

Acosta, a notable Trump antagonist who had his White House press credential suspended temporarily during the president-elect’s first term, was caught “off guard” by chief executive Mark Thompson’s proposal, Oliver Darcy reported in his “Status” newsletter.

The move from Acosta’s current 10 a.m. Eastern time slot to between midnight and 2 a.m. would accommodate reported changes ahead in the news network’s schedule, according to Darcy. The CNN alum previously reported, along with other outlets, that Wolf Blitzer was moving to mornings as part of a shake-up.

CNN’s average viewership dropped a whopping 49% between Election Day and near the end of 2024, Deadline reported on Dec. 31.

But the “CNN Newsroom With Jim Acosta” star may be contending with other forces as well.

“Sidelining Acosta would also work to curry favor with Donald Trump, who very much despises the CNN anchor,” Darcy wrote.