January 15, 2023

Here's what I think about the classified documents found near Biden's Corvette

So, after Biden was on Jay Leno’s garage, Leno expressed unusual interest in the Vette, which troubled Biden, as Leno asked a lot of questions about the car, Biden’s mechanic and so forth. At their weekly lunch, Biden expressed his concern to Obama that Leno might try to purloin his beloved ride and that he should be careful with all the maintenance records, registration and so forth. “Heck!” said Joe, “Those records should be top secret!”
So Obama thought about this and later DID order that they be classified, but forgot to tell Biden.

So of course all the records went home to Delaware where they were later discovered.

But a series of tune-up receipts is a little different from the bundle of documents found at Trump’s place, which had a cover sheet labeled “Possible Buyers” scrawled in Sharpie.

January 5, 2023

Need some help here. I can't get C-SPAN right now.

I need to know who the latest Goober (or Gooper, if you prefer) doing nomination #10. He’s from Arizona.

Been looking all the ones I don’t know in WikiInfamy.

Thank you in advance.

September 3, 2021

I propose a new Texas vigilante law.

Anyone who suspects that a man is mistreating a woman (anything from sexual assault to psychological harassment) can call an anonymous tip line to report a violation of common decency.
If a court, properly appointed by Cecile Richards and Wendy Davis, finds the charges to be valid, the offender must pay the complainant $10K, plus attorney’s fees (all cases will be handled by NOW legal defense fund). In cases handled by private attorneys, said private attorneys will be entitled to collect legal fees, but an equal amount must be paid to Planned Parenthood.
When the court finds the offense to be particularly egregious to a woman or womankind, or if it is a repeat offense, a sliding scale of further punishment shall be established, ranging from a court order forbidding the offender from drinking beer and/or watching football ( terms ranging from 6 months to a lifetime ban) to castration with a dull spoon (the offender shall also bear all spoon-dulling costs).
Since the Texas governor, lieutenant governor, legislative members, and gubment officials will undoubtedly be the first to be brought before the court, a lottery will be established for those wishing to administer the dull spoon process.
Those wishing to file a complaint may do so at www. what an a**hole.gov.
Costs to the state shall be covered by taxes on mega-churches.

Did I forget any stereotypes? Oh yeah, line dancing.

Don’t crash the website, y’all.

I’m sure some will find this proposal to be a bit extreme, but I think it more reasonable than the current Texas law.

February 8, 2021

Aw, thanks to whoever sent me my first heart of the season!

Much appreciated and needed.

October 8, 2020

All I can hear when Pence talks is "Der..Der". Is it just me?

October 8, 2020

Forest management? In US owned lands? Their plan seems to be clear cutting.

I'm waiting for the tRump/Pence administration to tell the Gulf States to "rake their waterways".

September 30, 2020

Hey BLOTUS, why aren't you saying that the gulf states should be raking their water ways

to prevent hurricanes?

September 30, 2020

Why are there no questions about climate change?

Oh yeah, Chris Wallace. Maybe next time.

September 23, 2020

Borowitz: Expanding the court

Democrats Favor Expanding Supreme Court by Adding Entire Obama Family

Acknowledging that the Obamas “already have a lot on their plates,” the activist asserted that serving on the Court could be worked into the family’s busy schedule.



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September 10, 2020

Borowitz: The downside of Trump never having read a book

WASHINGTON (The Borowitz Report)—Donald J. Trump’s decision to talk to Bob Woodward demonstrates the downside of never having read a book in his entire life, experts say.

While millions of Americans were astonished that Trump would voluntarily speak at great length to an author famous for his takedowns of Presidents, experts believe that a total obliviousness to books and what is inside them might have played a pivotal role.

Davis Logsdon, a University of Minnesota professor who studies the psychology of people who have never read a book in their lives, said that such people might be overconfident about how they would be portrayed if a book were ever written about them.

“If you’ve never read a book in your life, you might be under the impression that all books are flattering,” he said. “You would have no idea that a book could portray you as a human dumpster fire.”

As for Trump, Logsdon said that the President would “definitely benefit” from reading a book someday, but added, “It’s a little late for that now.”

Edit to include link

https://www.newyorker.com/humor/borowitz-report/trumps-agreeing-to-talk-to-woodward-shows-downside-of-never-having-read-a-book-in-entire-life?utm_source=nl&utm_brand=tny&utm_mailing=TNY_Borowitz_091020&utm_campaign=aud-dev&utm_medium=email&bxid=5be5ca70fbd2976368715f24&cndid=49787632&hasha=22ffff498c4858274348f4b4acc455d6&hashb=599bbf974bf4cade7ccd0536c884e7c4a3ad5d98&hashc=24a04332b8c3582bbccd0342f89e84f1dbcb2b6847011fce0a30cc3f0acd9c66&esrc=article-newsletter&utm_term=TNY_Borowitz