From the 'you can't make shit up this funny' file [View all]

[Major Nikon]

Today I noticed a wingnut put two of his campaign signs in my yard. To be fair, it's not readily apparent this is my yard since it's on the main street front and there's a brick wall between the sidewalk and my yard. Next to the sign is some utility equipment for which they have an easement on my property, but it's still my property all the way to the street and I pay taxes on it (which in Texas is significant).

There's actually three signs on my property. Evidently the first was placed by one wingnut and another wingnut placed a sign in front of his in true asshole fashion and another sign for good measure.

My first impulse was to take the signs down, but then I had a better idea. A quick search revealed one dude's web site with email and another search of county property records got me his home address.

Come to find out, he's a self described "real estate investor". So what better investment than to rent space on my property for his signs, amiright?

So here's the email I sent him followed up with a certified letter:

Dear Robert Slattery,

On your web site it states: Show Me the Money. Real Estate Investing is only fun if it is profitable…

I noticed today that two of your campaign signs were placed on my property of Redacted (see attached picture). I charge $10 per day per sign to rent that space for this purpose. Billing is in 30 day increments. Enclosed is my invoice for 30 days. If you would like to rent this space for less than 30 days, then I will pro-rate the number of days used plus a $50 processing fee for less than 30 days.

This payment is due upon receipt via check or money order to the address on the invoice. Please note that late charges for non-payment will accrue at the rate of $5 per day, per sign after 30 days from April 20, 2024.

Thank you for your business!

Sincerely,
Redacted, President
Redacted, LLC

cc:
[e-mail]
Certified mail to Robert Slattery, 812 Gallant Fox Trail, Keller, TX 76248