I've been naming my bathroom rituals to honor the First Family [View all]
At my age being regular can make or break my day. Worse, I've noticed that not every morning offers the same results.
On most days I get up and get moving before headed to the bathroom to drop a deuce. I call those "Dumping a Junior". After I flush that away I feel totally satisfied and ready to greet the new day.
Occasionally though, I may experience difficulty with little yield and a overall feeling of inadequacy. I call those sad disappointments "Pinching an Eric".
However, there are times when, depending of what cheap fast food I ate the previous day, I have an explosive sharting blow out. Those craps require two or three flushes and half a can of Fabreze to be rid of. Those bloated bombs are "Trump Dumps", or in extreme cases, a "Full On Donald". They usually happen after a couple frustrating days with Eric.
One more that doesn't happen often is when I don't feel like going at all. I feel sad and empty inside with a need that I can't satisfy. They often follow a morning of The Donald. Those are of course, called "Melania".
I'm sorry I did this you DUers, but I've been holding it inside... so to speak.
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