The Medea Complex and the Parental Alienation Syndrome

[Bonobo]

67. It's not just about divorce. In fact, forget about divorce.

Let's talk about fathers who are away from the house depending on the support of their wives vis a vis the kids. So that the kids understand how important the role of a father is.

Let's talk about mothers not bringing emotional issues between the parents to the children's feet and dropping them there accompanied by tears.

I grew up thinking my dad was a real shit and my mom was a real saint. As I look back now, I see that it was MOSTLY true, but I still wonder how much my mom let her issues with my dad invade my life. At the end of it, my Dad was so estranged from all of us that he found a second wife and left us all out of his will. I was in my mid-twenties when they finally divorced and was always stuck in the middle of their issues.

Was my father as bad as he was portrayed by my mom? Were we manipulated a bit to fill the hole in my mom's heart left there by a distant husband? Were the kids needs put first? Did my father have the opportunity to manipulate us as effectively as my mom?

These are complex issues and surely vary marriage by marriage. Having said that, if you want to see who used tears, by and large, as a weapon, it is women. And when you cry in front of your kids and they say "Why are you crying Mommy?" and they know it is because of Daddy, that is a very solid starting point for emotional manipulation. And my guess is that it is RAMPANT and as common as water.