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[DonP]

6. A few questions are in order

Just one opinion.

I go through this with all my concealed carry classes, as food for thought in the first session and ask the students to think it through.

Most ranges will rent you guns to try out for a minimum fee $10 to $12 for a session, if you buy a box of ammo from them. So test driving a few different choices is a smart way to see what works for both of you before spending a few $ hundred or more.

You'll get a lot of advice to; "Buy a shotgun, you don't even need to aim it". Reality is, you do need to aim it. At 30 feet even a 12 gauge shotgun has a pattern of less than .80 inches wide. They do require aiming, are heavy, difficult to maneuver in a home environment and also require practice to use reliably.

As a home defense gun size and weight (to a point) are irrelevant. You aren't looking to carry so having a bedside safe with biometric locks is probably sufficient for your needs. My daughter and SIL have one that only opens to just their fingerprints. Securing the gun, while still having fast access, is something to think about whether you have children or visitors in the home now or even just visiting occasionally.

1. How often are you willing to practice with it?
Semi automatics, like the Glock, are by design more complex and require more maintenance and care as well as more practice time at the range for both the gun and you both to remain reliable. Shooting, loading, clearing jams is a skill set that requires regular practice to maintain. At least once every other month or so is a good start and if you enjoy it, more often.

Revolvers tend to be lower maintenance, have fewer "jams" and are generally easier for people to shoot and use. They are simpler by design and require less practice to use efficiently. On the other hand they hold fewer rounds and are slower to reload. Trade offs are a fact of life. But, you both still need to make a commitment to practice and maintain whatever you have (better than your old .22).

2. How sensitive are you to recoil?
Its always a balancing act between caliber and recoil. The most common rounds are probably the .38 special and 9mm. Both are relatively low recoil and inexpensive, but recoil also depends on the weight of the firearm. Physics is a harsh mistress and a nice light gun like a Smith & Wesson Airweight that feels nice and light in the store is going to recoil more harshly than a heavier steel frame gun like a Ruger GP100 that will shoot .38 Special with the recoil of a .22 and will also handle .357 magnum as well. But is it too heavy for either of you to use accurately? Rent one and find out.

3. What's the best gun for you?
Short answer is always, the one that you can both shoot reliably and accurately at the distances you might need for home defense. E.g. nobody has a 75 foot long hallways to shoot down, so practice from 5-7 yards to maybe 50 feet or so max.

Rent a few guns until you find one that you can both handle, shoot, clean and load comfortably.

Hope this helps, but we have a lot of folks here that will chime in.