Watched a sickening drama unfold at a local grocery store the other evening.

[Midnight Writer]

I was in the check-out line waiting my turn when a young woman walked in carrying a 12 pack of soda pop. She was crying and she came up to the checker.

She was in a panic because she had been in the store earlier and accidently picked up the wrong flavor of soda for her husband. She asked the checker if she could return the soda she had and exchange it for the right one. She explained that she would simply buy the right one, but her husband goes over the receipts of everything she buys and she will be in "big trouble" if he finds out she mistakenly wasted money. She was shaking and really in a panic.

The young checker seemed not to know what to do, but fortunately a manager saw what was going on and came over. She walked her over to the soda aisle and let her put the 12-pack back and take the "right" one. The young woman was still crying and shaking and emotionally thanked the manager.

I've seen this kind of thing before; a woman living in fear of her husband.

Merely witnessing this made my stomach sink, made my skin crawl.

This is the kind of control MAGA men want over their wives, their children, their neighbors, their country. They want people to be so afraid to cross them that they will kowtow to their every whim. That is not manly, that is not patriotic, that is not Godly. It is simple Might Makes Right bullying, and it is disgusting.

[no_hypocrisy]

1. This gives me chills. Reminds me of my father.

[MFM008]

104. So sorry

For those who lived this shit
My dad usually screwed things up in our family, a forgetful professor sort.
My mom was resolved to it ...

[no_hypocrisy]

105. Yeah, my recovery is in daily increments.

I remember, I analyze, and I know I didn't cause the anger and angst.

I'm luckier than most.

Thanks for your sentiments and sorry about your experiences.

[redstatebluegirl]

2. Reminds me of my Dad.

[slightlv]

44. Reminds me of my ex husband..

Thankfully, I married a really good manner a few years later. He's not much on making money, but I don't have to live in fear of emotional abuse any longer!

[redstatebluegirl]

95. I will never forget how my Mom would lock herself

In the bathroom to get away from him. She died young, age 40. He married again 5 months later. Funny thing is, she was verbally abusive to HIM!

He was my Dad, but boy what he did to my mom was awful.

[claudette]

3. It is a reality

I have seen it with a friend of mine from high school. It is truly ugly. Some men are monsters

[Eliot Rosewater]

4. All maga hate all Women...period. They hate them more when they cant control them.

A Woman getting an abortion is someone who had sex without THEIR permission, and that wont be tolerated if the traitor and maga take over by force.

This was clear in 2016 when some folks whined about Hillary not willing to give them EVERYTHING they wanted.

[DonCoquixote]

26. permission?

More like the woman did not have sex only with them, upon command . These people are not merely evil, they are aggressively evil,and they use religion to hide behind.

[Eliot Rosewater]

91. Thanks because I usually make that point also

Decent Women will not have sex with maga males or females.

Trump and the Republican party believes the appropriate punishment for disobeying orders about sex is death.

[ArkansasDemocrat1]

96. I refused to date MAGA females

Why waste my time? I could meditate or work on my roux* or something.

*now I bake it. https://www.americastestkitchen.com/articles/3057-how-to-make-dry-roux-for-gumbo

[anciano]

5. No one should have to live like that....

but that is exactly what an authoritarian dystopia under magats would look like on a nationwide scale.

[Attilatheblond]

23. The American Oligarches are gonna trample men, but figure if men can abuse women, they won't see the root problem

I have faith that there are a lot of men who can see and know what the con is. And they are gonna back up their women family members.

[dslyahoo]

102. Best I can do is have hope.

It seems to me that as a society (not only our country) people are making the wrong or worse choice when there is an option. Examples that came to mind from our recent past:

Carter (best) vs Reagan (worst)
Dem. Platform (best) vs Contract w/America (worst)
Gore (best) vs Bush (worst - pushed by SCOTUS)
ACA w/public option (best) vs ACA crippled (worst)
Dem. Congress (best) vs Tea Party (worst)
Functioning gov’t (best) vs shutdowns (worst)
Clinton (best) vs Trump maga (worst)

MAGA republicans seem to be very loud and proud of their positions these days. I hope enough of us wake up on Election Day to make it very clear we are done with picking the worst choices and with maga hatred and dysfunction, and we want to grow up as a country and move forward.

[OAITW r.2.0]

6. Just fucking awful.

How many women like this exist in our society? A lot more than we realize.

[Attilatheblond]

25. Read a report from the 90s about reasons for women to be hospitalized

Second only to childbirth and/or complications of childbirth, the next leading cause for women to be hospitalized was... domestic violence. And the most dangerous time in a woman's life, after pregnancy/childbirth was when a woman decides to leave an abusive relationship.

Some law enforcement departments are taking domestic violence more seriously since the 90s, but I chalk most of that up to the fact that there are more women cops, administrators, and prosecutors than there were.

And anybody needing to get rid of household goods and furniture, oh, and nicer clothes that may be out of style but in good shape, PLEASE consider donating to a local woman's shelter. Sometimes, when a woman escapes, it is with her kids and the clothes on her back. Can you imagine what it means when she gets herself sorted out, gets a job to support her and her children? Can you imagine what a few decent outfits can do to help her achieve that? How about what she feels when she gets her own place, leaves the shelter, and because of kind people who donated furniture and household items, she can cook a meal for her family and tuck her kids into safe beds?

We have done better in recent years. We have a long way to go and this election either moves us forward or imprisons more women and children under abusive, unstable, constantly angry men.

OK, I relinquish the soapbox. Thanks for reading.

[OAITW r.2.0]

28. I'm an old white guy, not close to being perfect.....but

I honored the women in my life and never had the idea of raising a hand to any of them.

[Attilatheblond]

31. Know, dear sir, that there are women who have known you & your type, and appreciated you for that.

A lot of us who hear from, know, or even helped a 'sister' escape, know there are good guys out there. We just wish more were aware of how many abusers there are.

One new thing in our culture that has me worried about domestic violence and poverty is this legalized online betting thing that is being pushed in ads. My dad had good days and bad days, but he was NOT a provider that things were bad enough just because of alcoholism. If online betting was a thing back then, things would have been a lot worse. We would have had to move even more and done without utilities even more.

And, yes, I recognize that gambling addiction and alcoholism is not gender specific. But if one partner is bigger, stronger, and has such low self esteem that beating the other is how they deal with emotional pain, making gambling so easy is NOT going to help our culture.

I truly fear what this glamorized new way to separate people from their paychecks will be doing to a lot of families struggling to keep a roof over their heads and food on the table.

[OAITW r.2.0]

34. On line betting is an efficient way of draining bank accounts.

Used to be illegal, now, FanDuels!!!!

[robbob]

84. Online betting is terrifying.

I listened to a show on gambling addiction. The “rush” is the bet, and waiting to see if it pays off. However, betting on the outcome of a game gives only ONE payout, one rush, and it takes hours to transpire, so the betting apps have come up with a new trick. In-game side bets. Users are presented with multiple opportunities to bet throughout the game. Will the pitcher get a shut out? What will the score differential be at half-time? Yards rushing, individual stats, will the kicker make the field goal, it goes on and on. And with each bet, the “rush” of putting your money on the line, the chance to win your losings back, bragging rights with friends.

Gambling apps are the crack cocaine of the betting world. It’s disgusting.

[OldBaldy1701E]

54. "We just wish more were aware of how many abusers there are."

I sometimes wonder if this is the issue or is it the fact that so many just don't see certain actions as 'sexist'. Which perpetuates the bias and de-stigmatizes their behavior. I am not saying that the awareness is not a good thing. I am just wondering how much is a lack of awareness and how much is a societal choice not to see actions and statements for what they are.

[LizBeth]

76. I mean yes, but I just do not think this is a pat on the back not hitting loved ones.

should be a norm, requirement and should not be an appreciation.

[slightlv]

45. When my weight dropped so drastically...

from a size 22/24 to a size 6, I boxed up all the clothes that no longer fit. These were "business work" clothes. And what you suggest is exactly what I did... saw to it that it went to the nearest woman's shelter. Business clothes, especially, are needed as women look for jobs and get interviews. Looking nice and business-presentable does wonders for a woman's self-esteem in a situation like this.

[Attilatheblond]

68. You are 100% correct! And did a VERY important think to help give a hand up for sisters we never met.

My sister had a really nice wardrobe. As she was slipping away, my brother-in-law asked if I could come up and take whatever clothes/accessories I liked. Reminded him that I, too, was infirm and no longer working so didn't need any of the beautiful things in her closet. But I suggested he take it all to a shelter. He did that, and I can't help but think the sister who did so much to empower other women to move up in the company where she worked would have been most pleased. Long ago, she fully understood need and the importance of confidence and 'fitting it' to get a decent job.

It matters. It REALLY matters. And you, dear slightlv, are a wise and loving sister.

[slightlv]

98. Thank you for the kind words.

Some of us never forget the depths from which we climbed, and want to help all we can so others can climb out more readily, quickly, and self-confidently. (I'm still working on the self confidence thing...gryn)

[Attilatheblond]

100. You are a dear and worthy person and we all benefit from you sharing your experiences and lessons learned

[mountain grammy]

7. Reminds me of my first husband.

[Clouds Passing]

13. Mine too, he spent alot of money on alcohol, but I wasn't allowed to spend $20 on groceries

Glad we’re divorced.

[mountain grammy]

19. Yep me too

46 years now.

[Think. Again.]

8. That brought me very close to being physically sick.

I sincerely hope some kind of intervention will happen and that young woman can somehow get some support to help rebuild her strengh and life.

[BlueWaveNeverEnd]

16. This is why I like reading Reddit. People in these abusive situations are talked into / supported into leaving.

good comes from the internet.

Some have already been making a plan to leave... getting their ducks in order.

[SunSeeker]

52. Yes, leaving an abusive relationship requires a lot of planning.

Or you end up going back because you run out of money and have nowhere to go, with kids in tow. It’s brutal.

[Figarosmom]

9. Its abuse. Nt

[DownriverDem]

10. Totally explains

why we aren't going back!

[KS Toronado]

11. Hope someone got her name and a way to help her.

Or get him into anger management classes and use the red flag laws if you have them.

[llmart]

12. This was how my father treated my mother.

Extremely controlling and physically abusive. Growing up in my household we never knew what he'd be like on any given day. Living like that you learn to become hypervigilant about every little thing that might set him off.

[canuckledragger]

14. That's the way it was with abusive, alcoholic step father.

I learned to be hypervigilant to his moods, to try and anticipate what was coming my way.

Unfortunately (or not) the only way I made him stop was by being more violent than he was and fought back at 14, when I was the same size he was.

He was a small, weak coward that could only handle beating on kids that couldn't fight back... until they did and made him scared of ever doing it again.

[dflprincess]

18. I'm sorry you had to live with that

but I'm glad you were able to fight back. I also don't think you were "more violent" than him - you were defending yourself against a bully who terrorized you.

[slightlv]

46. You described my mother.

I could almost feel from the front porch, what kind of mood my mom was in. The energies would be so strong. I dreaded going home after school. She had the cops called on her twice. But she was a master manipulator. I finally gave up having a mother/daughter relationship, and much later in life when I could see the tracks that took her to that place, I got to the point where I could be friends with her. Good thing, too... since I'm her main caretaker!

[murielm99]

48. This is my mother, too.

But I have not gotten to the point where I can be friends with mine. I could never be her caretaker. She has a guardian.

[slightlv]

99. It's really hard... especially now that

dementia has brought out the anger and aggressiveness in her. Funny, it didn't do a thing to dampen the manipulation. I think I just learned enough to recognize it. In both her, and in my daughter (unfortunately). I lack enough self-confidence to be manipulative, and always found playing down the truth or outright lying to be so uncomfortable that it could never be pulled off. That's why my blood pressure goes up so much around campaign times. Too much lying and manipulation from narcissistic personality types. Trump to the max!

[tavernier]

15. I am so sorry for all the posters above who experienced this in their lives.

I was so fortunate to have a loving father and two gentle and kind husbands.

Thank you for sharing. I could feel the pain in your words.

[jfz9580m]

81. Yeah I second that.nt

[hlthe2b]

17. Thank heavens for an empathic and intelligent manager...

--and that the husband wasn't there... When there is obvious abuse going on (at least verbal) right in front of you, it is a real challenge to know how to deal with it without causing the woman even more problems later.

[NNadir]

20. How horrible. My father - who was pretty right wing - told me his father was this kind of guy, and thus my father...

...could not and would not tolerate a lack of respect for women. Having watched his mother live in terror until he was finally big and strong enough to kick his father out of the apartment forever, I guess - especially seeing some of the comments in this thread - I was very lucky to have been raised to respect women.

My father and I disagreed on politics, often vehemently, but we agreed as to husbands should treat wives, how boyfriends should treat girlfriends, and so on.

Strangely - I'm not sure how this happened - my brother, from whom I am completely estranged, was a control freak with all of his wives, which when I last saw him 20 years ago, were three in number.

I don't know if there is something you could have done. It's pretty damned horrible.

When my sister-in-law was being abused, it was very hard to get anything done, and she was family. (Happily I'd like to think I had something, if only a tiny bit, to do with getting her out of that situation.)

Thank you for at least caring; for at least being greatly disturbed and shaken by it.

[Martin68]

21. The country needs to take domestic abuse more seriously. Law enforcement needs to take it more seriously.

Courts need to take it more seriously.

[lostnfound]

42. I think men would be happier, too, if schools had SEL classes of some sort in grade school

But conservatives always fight against it.
SEL = social and emotional learning. How to get along with others, how to understand your self and your own emotions, and coping mechanisms.

[Martin68]

83. SEL is what we're supposed to learn in a good history class, social studies class, literature class, art class

- maybe even in physical education. Unfortunately, not every teacher gets that, and not every education system supports it.

[slightlv]

47. Women have to be more respected in society, as a whole,

before anything like what you say happens. And the SEL learning would just be described by Magas as "liberal wokeness" being indoctrinated into their kids!

[LoisB]

22. How distressing. I'm glad the manager made the right call. No one should have to live (exist) in fear.

I imagine "big trouble" meant a beating.

[chouchou]

24. Just Saying: If a case came up on a docket, where a beaten wife finally did something in order..

...to make sure that the monster...ah..husband, would never beat any female again, I and many posters (I just read)..the defendant
would certainly want us on the Jury.

[Hekate]

27. To all of you who escaped, thank you for saying so. I had a roommate once who had escaped...

…from vicious abuse. She only told me after she was moved in and settled — showed me a photo of a handsome man and said if he ever showed up on the doorstep, call the cops. He started in on their honeymoon and finished (because she never went back) by putting her in the hospital for 2 weeks.

But the other thing she told me: she always carried cards from the Women’s Shelter with her, said she could spot the ones who needed it, and would slip a card into someone’s hand and keep going.

Bless you Diane for the good you did.

[niyad]

37. I used to do the same thing. And one of the first things I would do when

moving to a new area was get the number for the domestic violence center, so I always had it handy for anyone who needed it. Now I always have the local number in my contact list.

Many years ago, I was in a small town on the Florida gulf coast. As per usual, I tried to look up the local DV center number. Couldn't find it in the phone book. Directory assistance couldn't find it. I called the local police and the county sheriff. Nothing. I was appalled. The dispatcher at the sheriff's department asked me if I was in danger. I explained I just wanted the number in case anybody needed it. And I blasted the sheriff and the police chief for not having that information handy. I had the time to track it down, a person in crisis would not.

[elleng]

29. ;-(

[SleeplessinSoCal]

30. And if there is any love there, he must deep down know how awful he is.

But if this is what MAGA thinks is great, they're all bound to live miserable lives.

[dlk]

32. This is what Republicans intend when they laud "trad wives"

The women-haters party, to be sure

[louslobbs]

33. Reading this turned my stomach.......my biological father was the same kind of

terrorist….and a psycho cop to boot!

[byronius]

35. My wife would just murder me.

Not really, but holy cow. That’s not love, that’s dysfunctional weirdity.

I hope she stands up and lays down the law. Men like that don’t deserve to be in relationships.

[niyad]

40. Sadly, she is not in the mental state to do that. She lives in fear and terror.

It is not a situation of "laying down the law". If she spoke back, fought back, he might kill her. If she tries to leave, he might kill her. We don't know, though many of us can guess, the kinds of threats he has made to enforce his will.

Domestic violence situations are far more diffficult and dangerous than those on the outside can even begin to imagine. This terrified young woman has all my prayers that she gets all the help and support she needs.

[cpamomfromtexas]

70. I had a plan as a child to grow up and get out.

That was my goal.

[RandomNumbers]

101. She may have kids.

I am old(ish) now and still remember times as a child when I wished my mom would just leave instead of putting up with it. But of course she wouldn't just leave, that would have left the kids with him, and what would have happened to us? And what I didn't know then, but know now - she couldn't have even gotten a credit card in her own name in those days. I doubt there were any shelters then, or at least it would have been very hard to find or get to.

At least today there is some hope if a woman does find the avenue to escape. The "MAGA" forces would love to take those avenues and hope away.

And even without kids, as many others have pointed out, it is not so easy to escape an abusive relationship.

[Aussie105]

36. What in the first post identifies the controlling husband as MAGA?

Uneven power balance in a relationship or marriage transcends both politics and religion.
And gender.
It is bullying and control, often born from insecurity on the part of one person. And not necessarily the male, either.

It happens a lot, even in the 'best' households.

Be careful to not lump everything bad you see as being MAGA in origin.
Standing back and going 'EWWWWW! MAGA!' doesn't help.

[niyad]

41. Not "controlling". Abusive. And, yes, SOME women are DV perps, but not

at anywhhere near the level of male perps.

[OverBurn]

38. That is heartbreaking.

[LiberalFighter]

39. That is sickening. Can't imagine how bad it can be.

I wonder how it happens in a family?

[Backseat Driver]

58. Trauma, secrets, lies, and neglect become transgenerational - add religious fundamentalism and authoritarianism,

Last edited Fri Oct 4, 2024, 09:02 AM - Edit history (1)

willful ignorance, corporate greed and ageism for good measure, and you have the recipe for despair of many sorts that force people to make bad decisions as they descend into taking what appears to be modern "tough love" but more often descends towards physical abuse which is clearly seen. Emotional abuse, financial abuse, or elderly abuse OTOH goes largely invisible within the household unless it turns criminal. One or the other doesn't leave. Why? Hope was also in Pandora's box of evil troubles. Forgiving but not forgetting the bad decisions and emotional abuse over the years makes lives living Hells of control from the other as a form of "teaching moment." It never works. Death happens to all and is final and sometimes couples so attached ride each other to the grave in a race to the bottom as both agree to always disagree, making or accepting no changes of their circumstances and learning no better ways to function equitably. There's no physical violence, ever, just a constant fear of more of the same "bad luck." Meanwhile, prices of medical care, transportation, and social/digital communications, nutritional foods, and our toxic environments that include our own cultural vices take its toll on our bodies. So, the slippery slope to the end. I'm not a better person for living it still and hope (there's that emotion again) that it didn't do great damage to the kids who you know will have similar kinds of mental challenges but perhaps similar or fixable parental challenges in their journeys. I wish I could forget most of the rest in these contentious times. I know I stayed too long at the fair...my bad?

[calimary]

43. All that tells me about men like that is how PUNY they are, deep down inside.

How weasely and pathetic they are. THAT’S how they feel like they must prove their “manhood”? They have to menace, threaten, dominate and terrify women in order to feel how good and powerful and macho they supposedly are? Good grief! Absolutely shameful and deeply embarrassing!

“Men” like that DO NOT understand what REAL manhood is, and they probably never will.

SHAME on EVERY LAST DISGRACEFUL ONE of them!

[roamer65]

49. Smells like a religious extremist husband to me.

Just has the odor of it.

[MerryBlooms]

50. D9nt make a mistake. Sometimes you dont even know if you do.

It's him, not you.

[CTyankee]

51. I finally had to divorce my ex and the father of my kids.

Due to nonsupport and chronic infidelity. I was embarrassed and miserable for a long time but finally got a divorce. I was able to join a group called Parents Without Partners, where I found the husband I now have. It hasn't all been easy due to changes in his career situation that he was not responsible for but he has been a good faithful and loving husband. It makes a difference!

[brush]

53. You just know he's beating the crap out of her when he gets mad.

[augyboston]

55. An insecure bully who at his core is just a coward

There is absolutely nothing manly about bullying anyone, let alone your wife.

This poor woman is married to an insecure bully who at his core is just a coward. Sounds like the GOP nominee for President doesn't it?!?

I hope she seeks out the resources in her area and finds a way to get away from the pile of dung she mistakenly married.

In the meanwhile, let's all hope Karma takes care of her husband while Kamala takes care of day-glow.

[mucholderthandirt]

56. Way back before the Y2K stuff came along, I was on a "prepper" forum. I liked to read the stories members wrote, mostly.

And there were good tips about doing things, building stuff, and being frugal with food and what all. They were pretty much all Republicans, but a few of us "libruls" hung around, without any problems.

Anyway, as the whole "the computers are going to fail, people will die" crazy started, there were a lot of women who were worried, about having food and the usual comforts for their family. Many of them were upset because their husbands wouldn't let them stock up more, get better generators and so on. It was crazy, seeing them post about being afraid if the husband caught them spending money on things he didn't think were necessary.

I never understood it, but I knew how it felt. My ex always tried to tell me what to do, what the family needed, how I was supposed to act as a wife. Read that as being his slave, really. The husband is the head of the family, his word is law, he's always right, always knows better, obey or else.

Trump is a joke, with he protects women. But the MAGA cult is exactly looking for that. Big Daddy who listens to the Sky Daddy and will tell them what to do. Boss man says jump, froggy asks how high.

I don't need a man to protect me. I've been doing it myself almost all my life. If I ever looked to a man for anything, all I ever got was disappointment. So, I do it myself. I make the decisions. I mostly do the work. I raised my children on my own, and they turned out fine. All three grown men, responsible, caring, supportive, not MAGA. Even the Republican son is really more of a Democrat, but he has father issues and went stupid in that area. The youngest married a woman whose family are Trumpers, but they're in an alternative lifestyle now so I think that link has been severed.

[Aussie105]

57. Never saw my parents exchange cruel words.

Never treated women with disrespect.

But you can tell those who don't trust men. It is in their eyes, their body language.

How do you say . . . ok, I'm sorry you were hurt, I'm sorry you are angry and distrustful, but I'm not one of those men?

These stories though - they outline how common it is.

Humans just need to respect each other. (Easier said than done, unfortunately)

Currently having a media and police blitz on domestic violence in Australia.
I hope it helps.

[Kaleva]

59. I bet the woman really appreciated the Thoughts & Prayers you sent

It gave her comfort knowing that you made a post where you said how disgusted you are.

What stopped you from offering the woman any kind of assistance?

[niyad]

60. This thread was not aimed at the young woman, and you know it. Tthere is not

a person on this thread who thinks that she might see this. It was about witnessing an event that, horrifically, far too many of us have seen or experienced ourselves, and how we see/feel/deal with it.

The snark and disdain and superiority of your post on this difficult thread was completely uncalled for.

[Kaleva]

61. You can tell how a person feels about an event by how they respond to it

Something that isn't important will generate little to no response. Something that is of great importance will illicit a vigorous response.

What would you have done?

[niyad]

63. Nice deflection, but it won't work.

[Kaleva]

64. What would you have done in that situation.

Offered to buy the pop she needed in exchange for the soda she mistakenly purchased even if that meant losing your place in line?

Went up to her and offered to be someone she could talk to?

[niyad]

66. see post 63

[Kaleva]

74. A great non answer

Maybe your opinion is that it's nobody's business so it's best to not get involved ? But I'm just guessing.

[niyad]

75. Keep trying. I truly need the laughs.

[Linda ladeewolf]

71. How would

The woman have explained two cases of soda to her husband. That might have made it worse. You learn in abusive situations not to deviate from the expected. Any deviation might attract questions and then wrath. I was married to one of these men too. I couldn’t leave, the threats were made, that he would take the kids, he would hunt me down on and on. He did try. Many things happened to me during that marriage. The last straw was when he knocked me down, after 16 years of marriage. I won’t tell you what I did, but that ended it. I haven’t seen the man in over 30 years, I think he may have died. I don’t care.

[Kaleva]

72. Like I said, keep the one she mistakenly bought

[niyad]

78. JFC, that post indicates absolutely NO comprehension, either of the post

to which you responded, or, indeed, of this entire thread. I am no longer laughing, I am sickened.

[Kaleva]

89. Are you advocating non-involvement?

It's non of our business?

[niyad]

93. REMDI95

[Kaleva]

97. I'll take that as an affirmative then?

You ( might) think it's best not to get involved.

[IronLionZion]

62. MAGA want American Taliban

and rule with fear and manipulation

[jfz9580m]

65. Man..

I have never known any men like that..
wtf?
I can’t imagine that life..
Good god..
But yeah it is there everywhere and it does jar you when you encounter it. I once asked a much older lady about a scar she had and she told me casually it was something her (thankfully long deceased) husband had inflicted on her. I was taken aback.

It is shocking. Makes me feel like I have lead a rather sheltered life.

[niyad]

77. You have been most fortunate if you have never encountered them.

Thy are everywhere, sadly enough, and patriarchal, misogynist societies simply don't care, in fact encourage it.

In my DV work, I actually dealt with any number of them, received a number of death threats, promises of physical harm and retribution. They never understood that they did not frighten, intimidate, nor impress me. But what pisses me off most are the politicians, the clergy, law enforcement, our entire social network, that either turns a blind eye, or quotes some ancient, patriarchal, male-written BS about how this is woman's deserved lot.

[jfz9580m]

79. I have been lucky in that regard

Until about a decade ago, I had not even met any creeps (well I mean bus groping in my teens - the sort of thing that every female is sadly used to) but certainly nothing close to my actual life till I met a creep in 2014. I thought of him as a scientific mentor and he turned out to be a creepy guy. Thankfully, he had no power over me and I quickly left the place. That certainly left a foul impression for years afterward. I was especially taken aback as I was used to thinking of the mentor mentee relationship as sacrosanct (which it is).

I wouldn’t say it is like a parent-child relationship precisely, but in that respect it is.

I have worked only in scientific research/education and in those areas I have only met the better kinds of men (no Geoff Marcies etc.). I have generally had pretty cool mentors and so it was extra shocking.

I have had my share of very stressful interactions with street thug types (even posted about it here). But still while those encounters stressed me out a lot, it is not the same as the stuff you describe. That was more a case of people pushing the limits on how much you can annoy and creep out your neighbours.

But yeah I can’t even imagine a spouse/boyfriend or male relative (my family is pretty progressive in that respect) of this type. Creeps on the street are bad enough..Imagine having one right in your house. That would be hell...

[twodogsbarking]

67. Around 1980 I was working in PA town. A woman shoved a knife through her husbands chest and he, well, died.

She called the police four hours later and they came and arrested her. After many interviews with neighbors
the decision was not to charge her. I don't think I need to explain why.

[Warpy]

85. That's unusual

Most women who have grabbed a knife or gun to defend themselves when their partners are trying to kill them are in prison.

Her own injuries must have been pretty horrific. The justice system is usually hostile to battered women who fight back. Ut makes the patriarchy collectively nervous.

[634-5789]

69. Truly a sad, but daily tale of woe.

I know of wives like this, and that's not living, that's plain torture.

[MorbidButterflyTat]

73. I'm surprised he let her out of the house without him, twice

Trading pop seems like the least the store manager could do.

[Maru Kitteh]

88. They have to allow you to make mistakes so they have a "reason" to beat you.

And, in my case, to make the money.

[ProfessorGAC]

80. Awful

I don't want to ever see that!
That had to be tough to see.

[Duncanpup]

86. I'd like drop her husband with baseball bat therapy

Fucking pig.

[Maru Kitteh]

87. That was my ex-husband. I was severely beaten without warning.

That was me. It's not me anymore.

[ewest02]

90. Alas. Not limited to MAGA types

The sad truth is that this woman's situation is not limited to MAGA types.

[Coventina]

94. Very true! I know of one abuser who is very leftist, into social justice, etc.

He falls into the "sensitive guy" abuser profile.

See below:

The sensitive guy uses guilt to control you.

When we talked about emotional caretaking in signs of an abuser, this is the type of guy who demands it the most.
He will not scream if your dinner is late, but he will go berserk if you don’t sacrifice yourself for his emotional well-being.

Sensitive abusers tend to know some psychoanalysis and psychologist lingo, which they will use to play up their pain and to find faults within you.

He blames you for his pain, but when you are hurt, of course, he ignores it or minimizes it.
With time, he can get threatening and intimidating.

[SWBTATTReg]

92. How terrible. I know that Thoughts and Prayers ran through my mind, as I read these, and it does. God, how my

heart aches when I read these stories of the horrible and terrible treatment so many have rec'd. Just to even share them, has got to be Trama-inducing.

May God bless all of them, all those who suffered, at the hands of these terrible people.

[LetMyPeopleVote]

103. Thank you for posting this account

[iemanja]

106. This is a domestic abuse situation

She was frightened because her husband hits her.

That's a problem not unique to Magas.