General Discussion
Related: Editorials & Other Articles, Issue Forums, Alliance Forums, Region ForumsSo.... my daughter got some terrible news, and it has her angry and terrified.
She learned last Friday that a close college friend, with whom she was very close with when they attended the same school, died suddently and unexpectedly late election night. Her friend was non-binary and strong LGBTQ activist. Their fiance was working that night and she came home to find them drowned in a bathtub.... and it appears they drank a lot and perhaps took some pills while in the bathtub. It is not clear if their death was deliberate, or not. But my daughter is convinced that they were despondant about the election and and if they didn't deliberately kill themselves, did so accidentally while trying to kill the pain.
She went to their funeral last night and she careens between being devasted and burning with a white hot anger.
I'm not sure what to tell her. What a terrible thing for her to go through.
EDIT: Thank you all for your kind words. I showed this to my daughter, and she started to cry, in a good way, in appreciation for your compassion. Thank you.
Hugin
(34,724 posts)When I hear stories such as this. Except that I am so sorry.
Irish_Dem
(58,939 posts)A number of groups have targets on their backs and it will be dismal.
Harker
(15,135 posts)Blind hatred unbridled at the root of both.
Irish_Dem
(58,939 posts)Even with young boys at school who are taunting and threatening girls with rape.
Harker
(15,135 posts)regardless of remoteness has instead become an insidious tool of misinformation, disinformation, and distraction... and about half the people think they're self-taught geniuses because they've done "their own research."
Cultural decay has kicked into overdrive.
Irish_Dem
(58,939 posts)OldBaldy1701E
(6,494 posts)We are not human in their eyes. We deserve to be dragged through the streets and hung up for public sport as far as they are concerned.
Scoff if you want to. We were not that far away from such antics even up until last year... now the darkness is no longer just on the horizon.
Gaia help us.
Irish_Dem
(58,939 posts)They will delight in it.
Harker
(15,135 posts)Isolated incidents at first, then momentum building.
Their propensity to assemble "militias" and to engage in mob behavior is about to go off the hook.
I have never been more contented that I am now living in a very blue state that (I sincerely hope) will be resistant to their hijinks.
I am now afraid to visit my home state, even though they were a conundrum this time around. They voted for Trump, but installed another Democratic governor and broke the supermajority in the Assembly after a long time of rethug rule.
Weird, right?
But it is still a state filled with rednecks (great people as well, but I am talking about ratios), so I cannot risk my hubby on a visit to see the Banks again, or visit my mother, or brothers, or other relatives, or the many friends I have there still.
I miss the ocean...
Harker
(15,135 posts)It saddens me greatly to hear that you two are fearful, and that it cuts you off from friends, family, and ocean, but I understand.
I am glad for our little blue dot in a red area of a blue state, but I hear the neighbors blasting away with their assault weapons, and I have to wonder.
Luckily, the most militant of them can't help themselves from raising identifying flags.
Damn them for their incivility.
OldBaldy1701E
(6,494 posts)Between the culture wars, and industries that are constantly convincing us that everything is out to get us and we are all doomed, it is no wonder that the entire concept of community went from a positive thing to a negative nightmare. I am not saying that communities necessarily did this in real time, but the concept was destroyed so that no one wanted to practice it anymore. We went from a time where I would do something wrong and I would get in trouble for it by other parents and the news of it would usually beat me home so that my own parents were standing there waiting to continue the berating to having a child dent the neighbors car with a ball and both sides end up in the emergency room with gunshot wounds. Assuming they did not kill each other.
You are right. Civility is also gone. We are all medieval merchants, always having to watch our backs while we try not to get screwed while we try to screw the other. It is untenable. We won't make it as things are without some serious societal changes, some of them rather fundamental. But, we won't do it because reasons.
This was all orchestrated by those in power so that they can remain in power. We have to stop this if we are to be a democratic republic. That means getting our hands dirty. Will we?
Harker
(15,135 posts)Phoney, ginned up fear and anger of the sort that resulted in the tragic death at the heart of the OP.
I'm retired. And tired. I'm thinking of ways I can best contribute to defeating the fascists. Maybe I'll take up my wife's challenge and officially join the Democratic Party... do some volunteer work. Not exactly getting my hands dirty, but with my supposed "golden years" suddenly turning to lead, it feels like I'm not doing enough.
OldBaldy1701E
(6,494 posts)I apologize. I was on a roll.
generalbetrayus
(662 posts)Wait until Obamacare is repealed and nothing substantial (or at all) is passed to replace it.
Irish_Dem
(58,939 posts)bdamomma
(66,637 posts)too. Mental Health issues are going to rise. And I see the death rate go up.
Irish_Dem
(58,939 posts)A sad time in this country.
jimfields33
(19,220 posts)Is so young. Its sucks a lot. It happens in every persons life eventually when they have to experience a family member, friend, etc. just tell her you love her and understand the pain of loss..
Jit423
(392 posts)I lost so many friends and family members who were sheltered in their closets until they though it was ok to come out and seek help but the help came way too late for them thanks to Ronnie.
I fear that with all the hate and inhumanity around us the LBGTQ community will really be in danger from these deranged deplorables.
70sEraVet
(4,198 posts)that god is punishing them for their wickedness.
NNadir
(34,757 posts)Condolences.
Initech
(102,318 posts)NNadir
(34,757 posts)...puppet.
Initech
(102,318 posts)We already know Elon and RFK Jr are pulling his strings, and Rupert Murdoch is the puppet master. I don't think we're as much Nazi Germany as we are the beginning of Stalinist Russia. Things are going to get ugly fast.
Harker
(15,135 posts)FakeNoose
(35,914 posts)Perhaps your daughter might benefit from some counselling sessions.
Happy Hoosier
(8,509 posts)Her University offers free grief counselling, so we are poiting her that direction if she doesn;t want to pursue an outside therapist.
PortTack
(34,773 posts)Even sadder: its not terribly surprising.
Shit.
Hope22
(3,043 posts)When it hits our children we cant help but suffer with them. That makes searching for the right words even harder. My heart goes out to all of you. All you can do is tell her you love her and that you are here for her. Anytime. Take care of yourself and remember to breathe. Prayers for all who suffer here.
LoisB
(8,878 posts)Wild blueberry
(7,235 posts)Parental love is comforting and grounding. When she gets her feet back on earth, can sleep and eat well, she'll know what to do with her fury. We all need each other. She will be able to help others, and thus herself as well.
Hugs to both of you.
Happy Hoosier
(8,509 posts)... one GOOD thing is that she lives in town, at a house she shares with some roommates near campus, so she is within reach. But it's hard to know she is in pain and fear, and I can't keep an eye on her.
Wild blueberry
(7,235 posts)Enough for a feast for the roommates, too. Or something else practical and down-to-earth? Colorful?
(I would be comforted by food.)
Happy Hoosier
(8,509 posts)She loves my homemade spaghetti sauce, so, I cooked up a batch and brought it to her yesterday.
I like the way you think!
irisblue
(34,381 posts)Solly Mack
(93,082 posts)spooky3
(36,338 posts)MustLoveBeagles
(12,681 posts)Unfortunately this is going to become more frequent.
The_REAL_Ecumenist
(889 posts)Safe Journey Home, Friend...
Evolve Dammit
(18,975 posts)Doodley
(10,452 posts)Faux pas
(15,395 posts)hlthe2b
(106,585 posts)another. That is all we can do. Those marginalized and targeted groups need us the most, but everyone.
** My subject line comment references my own sad tale from Colorado. I woke up this morning to a story of two people and two dogs shot to death in their home in Evergreen, CO (a community just west of Denver in the mountain foothills). I am hearing it was double suicide or (technically) "murder"-suicide from friends of the daughter who saw her father's prone body through the window and called the police. Apparently, she'd not been able to reach them either since the election. One of her best friends is a close acquaintance of mine and is just beside herself trying to help the daughter.
Take care of one another. I know I will be trying to control my reactions to what is said or written to me (I know, admittedly the latter is a struggle for me quite often). We are ALL struggling-- some more than others who we can't always see.
FemDemERA
(412 posts)That your daughter is experiencing. Those words seem so inadequate for the immenseness of the situation, but they are heartfelt. I hope she does make use of the university counseling. Im glad she has a supportive family.
people
(706 posts)It is my understanding that many non-binary persons in this country already felt fear of being despised. The election no doubt increased her friend's fear and despondency. What we can do is care for one another and not be part of the fear of the "the other." Your delivering your daughter's favorite food to her and her household was such a good thing to do. Counseling for her is a great idea now. So sorry about this pain for you and her and all of us.
lindalou65
(298 posts)My heart just breaks reading this news. We are really in for dark days ahead. We must support one another as much as possible.
Clouds Passing
(2,568 posts)slightlv
(4,404 posts)I have a gender fluid grandson who's been careening since the election, too. We do nightly hate fests on trump and pep talks for each other. I don't know what else to do to support him, except be there and listen. I'm careening in my own right on my own issues. So, at least we feel we're there for each other.
I know it's impossible, but I'm still wishing for a magic "something" to make this nightmare go away, and give us back a country we can believe in once again.
SWBTATTReg
(24,270 posts)have survived him before. Pls., pls. reconsider not doing anything rash, and talk to some of your friends or family who love you or call a councilor. You are valuable. We want you as part of our community.
Ligyron
(7,904 posts)We are going to beat this RW takeover and sure could have used their help.
Saoirse9
(3,820 posts)The first death we know of caused by trump. Won't be the last.
A dear friend committed suicide *because of the hurricane* some weeks ago. And he was only our friend but we're devastated, trying to support his partner who is completely shocked and destroyed.
I would encourage your daughter to talk to a good therapist to process her grief. And just to be there for the Fiance who lost her partner. It is a shattering experience.
FWIW my prayers are with your daughter and her friend who lost their fiancee.
Ilsa
(62,269 posts)questionable circumstances. I can understand why they would be despondent.
I'll say a prayer and wish for your daughter and her friend and their family.