How to talk to MAGA relatives over the holidays

[yardwork]

Many of us are dreading upcoming holidays with MAGA kin we can't avoid. I've been thinking about this and I have two suggestions and a warning.

Let me know what you think. I value feedback and even pushback from my DU family.

Suggestion 1. Politely disagree with blatant falsehoods. Your BIL says some Trump lie at the Thanksgiving table? You're afraid to speak up, because manners. Politely say, "I don't think that's true." Repeat as necessary. Keep saying it, with slightly different words. "That's not what I read." "I don't agree." "That's not my understanding." Repeating, calmly but firmly, is very powerful. Don't feel obligated to cite a lot of facts and figures. You're not trying to change their mind. You're stating your disagreement. You're not going along with falsehoods and bigotry. Silence is complicity. Don't be silent. Don't let them get you emotional, either.

Suggestion 2. When Trump voters talk about how wonderful things will be as soon as Trump takes office, say "I hope that's true." Over and over again. "I hope that's true." Don't argue. Don't try to make them see how bad RFK Jr. will be. They won't listen. Just say, "I hope that's true."

The Warning. Trump has promised the moon and it's not possible for all those wonderful things to come true. When they don't, Republicans will try to shift the blame to Democrats. Don't let them.

Already, here on DU, we hear echoes of that "blame the Dems" strategy. Please don't give into that. Don't assume blame.

For once, let the Trump voters confront their disappointment without letting them shift the blame. Our democracy depends on this.

[Hugin]

1. All good suggestions...

I plan on gathering my MAGA relatives around a sumptuous table set with all the dishes they love so that they can watch me eat it and throw the rest to the dogs.

They really need to get used to it.

[yardwork]

2. I like your suggestion best!

[Hugin]

3. De nada.

[durablend]

16. Or even

Sit them outside, preferably in the snow (but cold will work). Enjoy your meal, give some to the dogs then what's left over throw in the trash. Put said trash can outside and say "Help yourselves!"

They'll need to start getting used to that.

[Hugin]

31. I must admit...

That would have a Libertarian up-by-the-boot-straps zing to it.

[yardwork]

42. I needed these laughs!

[keepthemhonestO]

63. Fucking

Hilarious. 🤣🤪

[MrWowWow]

4. Seat them in the garage, next to the garbage cans and cat litter box.

And have them then only be able to talk with you via cellphone.

[viva la]

5. Pre-Thanksgiving visit--

MAGA sister-in-law managed not to crow too loud, but made some crack about "illegals" and how their time is short...

I stared at her and said, "What do you mean?" like I was completely puzzled.
She just repeated it, and I repeated my question.
She mumbled something... I think she realized if she said, "Trump's going to put them all in camps!", it would sound bad. Typical. They actually know that the reality of what Trump wants to do violates even their own morality.

[yardwork]

18. Perfect response!

You didn't do the work for her. You expressed sincere puzzlement at an irrational statement.

Let them do the work.

[LisaM]

49. This is a great approach.

A lot of people just voted for a catch phrase. They don't really have facts or reason to back it up. Getting them to break it down is genius.

[AZ8theist]

68. Tell her to be prepared for SKYROCKETING food prices when all those workers are gone......

Who's going to pick the fruit and vegetables? Her??

[quaint]

98. I've asked a few people if they were going to clean their own toilets.

But I've calmed down now.

[No Vested Interest]

101. I asked a relative "who will wipe your fanny when you can no longer do it".

No response - just surprise...

[Think. Again.]

6. Good plan, DON'T PARTICIPATE!

Let them spout all the lies they want, by remaining silent and not engaging with their B.S., it will be clear you don't consider their lies to be worthy of consideration.

A well-meaning but obviously false smile and a quick pivot of topic is all you need to do, or simply finding somethin more interestin in another part of the room works also.

Don't give life to whatever discussion they are trying create. In fact, you really don't have to acknowledge their existence at all.

[yardwork]

19. That's not what I'm saying. At all.

Silence is complicity. Don't remain silent. Speak up. Disagree.

Please reread my OP. Changing the subject and pretending we don't hear is how they got away with this.

Speak up. Just don't do the work for them. Just say, "I disagree." Or, "I hope you're right."

[Think. Again.]

21. I respect your position, but disagree...

Last edited Sun Nov 17, 2024, 01:58 PM - Edit history (1)

Apparently, the die is cast and they will be steering the train for the next four years.

I have no intention of helping them steer toward their goal in any way. If they want an argument that they are determined to win, they should argue with a mirror.

Edit to add:

Just remember at all times that you are in a room with nazis and act accordingly.

[yardwork]

46. I agree with the part about remembering who they are.

Each of us has different situations, and I respect that. In my case, I've been silent too often when all I had to say was "I disagree" and then leave it at that.

And telling them "I hope you're right" is going to scare them, because then they know they own it. They own what Trump is going to do, and I'm not going to help them with that.

[Mossfern]

43. I don't agree

It's not like you're going to change anyone's mind and most likely they already know where you stand politically.
My son's in-laws are Trumpers, and Trumpers love confrontation. Ignoring any political statements is the way to go - and deprives them of any twisted "reward" of an answer or comment.

There will be children and other relatives present and honestly, it's a better idea IMHO to enjoy family time and cut the political discussions off by just ignoring them.

[yardwork]

47. That's what a lot of us have done, and it didn't work.

Now I feel complicit by allowing their lies to be met with silence. I'm not suggesting getting angry. Just politely saying, "I disagree."

[Think. Again.]

50. As I mentioned earlier, these are nazis we're talking about....

...it's best not to engage.

[mopinko]

69. so just obey in advance then? lay down?

yeah, f that.

[Think. Again.]

74. No, non-cooperation resistance would be much more effective.

Resist-in-advance.

No use trying to play their game with them, we already handed them all the cards.

[Mossfern]

60. During the last election

my son's father-in-law walked into the house wearing a Trump shirt and tried to engage in political discussion knowing that I was the chair of my town's Democratic Committee. I very forcefully told him that this was a family gathering the political discussions were off the table.

It worked. Hopefully it will stick when we gather at my son's house for Thanksgiving this year.
I'm a small woman, but my therapist says that I can be very intimidating. If others feel compelled to talk election, I'll quietly get up and start helping, or pretend be helping in the kitchen - or conversely, I can bestow upon them my "mom" stare that can freeze fire.

[SWBTATTReg]

86. Well, I think that he was a d**k, being that he wore a tRUMP shirt to a family outing. I am glad you ignored him,

saying that this is a family outing, no political discussions.

Some people are so rude, in your face about tRUMP and his win. Talk about trying to be in your face. Disgusting and beyond rude too. He was looking for a fight, at a family event. Tells you everything about the scumbag and how rude they can be. I checked w/ my other half, who works at Home Depot, and they are (or formerly was there) tRUMP freaks. Other half told me that they haven't said a word since tRUMP's victory. Good.

[Betty Boom]

75. No. Why are you willing to put up with their disrespect?

If you have repeatedly asked them not to discuss politics and they continue to do so, that shows nothing but utter disrespect. There will come a time, as I did with my brother, that enough is enough. I love myself too much to continue to expose myself to people who do not enrich my life and who are in fact, toxic. Life is too short

[Cassidy]

66. I agree it is important, politely, to make it clear where you stand.

By speaking up, but not getting into a tangle, you are letting everyone know that it is OK not to be a MAGA.
You are not speaking up only for yourself, but for those too scared to speak.
And you are reminding those present who may be "undecided" that there is another side to the story.

[lastlib]

79. "How do you know?"

The Socratic method--question them until they either a) see the absurdity of their opinion, or b) persuade themselves that they've been wrong.

(warning: may not work, b/c MAGAts are so deep into their delusion that they can never see that they're in error. But keep trying--maybe a glimmer of light will penetrate the fog.....)

[NickB79]

7. I'm going to ask my farming relatives a question

WHEN Trump's tariffs destroy them economically, AGAIN, and if this time forces them to auction off their farms, can I get first dibs on 20 acres of hunting land?

Then I'll laugh all the way over to the pumpkin pie.

[OldBaldy1701E]

10. I like it! (n/t)

[standingtall]

8. I will not be engaging in debates with any maga family members this Holiday season

Trying to correct their lies is useless they spout a thousand lies per minute they got from Fox news and other right wing sources. My Sister's maga boyfriend did that Christmas Eve after Biden won and he wouldn't shut up. He psst me off so I kicked him out of my house. Now he has managed to brainwash my Sister into the maga cult. If either he or even my Sister start telling me how great Trump is. My only response is you got what wanted and now your going to get what you deserve.

[yardwork]

20. I'm not saying to debate the lies. Quite the opposite.

I'm suggesting that we state, simply, politely, and firmly "I disagree." That's it. A barrage of lies can be handled with one "I don't think that's true."

If they keep telling lies, keep saying, "I don't agree." Don't be drawn into trying to provide facts and figures.

If they get rude, kick them out. "Now you've violated my house rules. Please leave."

[Hope22]

91. I wish you the best for a peaceful holiday.

You are a better person than I.

[Baitball Blogger]

9. If I had a choice between eating at Right-wing relatives house, or going out to Kobe's for Thanksgiving.

I'd pick hibachi.

[OldBaldy1701E]

11. Every time! (n/t)

[yardwork]

23. Some of us don't have that option, though.

People we love need us to gather.

[Baitball Blogger]

24. That's where we're different.

Toxic people seriously threaten my well-being.

But, I wish you luck. For some of us, it takes a last straw. Hope you'll recognize it, if it happens to you.

[yardwork]

48. The beauty of remaining polite and calm is that the disruption is on them.

If they can't behave, out they go.

[The Madcap]

44. I would even

Just make a PB&J

[canuckledragger]

84. I cut the the abusive alcoholics/addicts and their enablers out of my life long ago.

I don't know exactly what their politics are, but given their dishonest, self-serving natures and past actions, I'm pretty sure they're conservative.

Now I didn't cut them out because of politics, I cut them out because they're pathological liars, thieves, etc, that can't be counted on for anything at all...except to be scapegoated for whatever problems they cause for themselves.

Life is much more healthier and less chaotic without them in it. (and stuff doesn't randomly go missing either without said thieves in my life)

[John Shaft]

12. I don't associate with people

who condone rape and child molestation.

Period. End of story.

[hlthe2b]

13. I just slip them valium...

Kidding, of course... But, the thought remains...

[yardwork]

54. They'll be well "medicated" with liquor all by themselves.

That's when the little barbs start coming out. They'll try to start a fight without taking responsibility. Ignoring them makes me feel complicit. Arguing is self-defeating.

The solution for me is to speak up and move on.

[greatauntoftriplets]

14. I am so fortunate.

All family who will be at Thanksgiving and Christmas voted for Harris, except those too young to vote.

This includes my Republican brother-in-law who hates Trump and actually voted for the Democrat this time around. Last two times, he left president blank.

[MaryMagdaline]

80. Same here. One Republican brother who's a never Trumper

No one in the family voted Republican since 2016

[greatauntoftriplets]

85. There are some like that, hopefully more than we know of.

My brother-in-law now believes in climate change after years of denial. Plus, he has voted twice for J.B. Pritzker. He likes our governor a lot. What a change!

[MaryMagdaline]

94. Pritzker is great!

[greatauntoftriplets]

96. Best IL governor of my lifetime.

[NameAlreadyTaken]

15. Here is what to say:

" "

[kerouac2]

17. Serve yourself a huge serving and surround yourself with all the food

And then give each of the trumper relatives a super small serving. Like one pea, once cranberry and and a spoonful of yams.

Teach them trickle down economics lol.

Give your own kids a healthy serving with the best cutlery and the best seats so you can talk about nepotism.

Make sure only women prepare and serve everything so you have a nice chance to talk about chauvinism.

Good time to talk about how high the cost of produce can get due to mass deportations. May be the last time you can afford apple pie

[The Third Doctor]

22. I don't. I ignore politics. When around them.

They live in a entirely different reality.

[JustAnotherGen]

25. 3. Don't go

I'm serious.

[yardwork]

51. Can't avoid it without really upsetting older relatives.

But in general, I agree.

[Betty Boom]

72. Then make it clear to those older relatives...

… You expect them to enforce a strict, no politics rule. If they’re not willing to do that? Then they will have to deal with the consequences of you not attending.

It’s time to draw a line in the sand people. People need to understand the logical consequences of their actions

[NameAlreadyTaken]

110. That's their problem, not yours.

[yardwork]

115. I'm not going to reject my entire family and network of friends because of a few Trumpsters.

The Trumpsters in my circle have never once been rude to me, or anybody in the family. I'm not talking about the stereotypical loudmouth boors.

These few relatives - and relatives of close friends - are cagey about their politics. They drop little "innocuous" comments into conversation. In the past I've ignored them.

I'm not ignoring them anymore, but I'm not going to cancel celebrations just to avoid them.

I think quite a few Democrats have people like this in our lives.

[NameAlreadyTaken]

117. But what is there to celebrate, when

they just willfully voted to destroy you?

[onecaliberal]

64. We're not.

Three years ago they gave my compromised husband covid. We have not been back since.
There is no chance I’m going there.

[NameAlreadyTaken]

109. This is the only correct answer.

[RandySF]

26. I'd rather not.

[Voltaire2]

27. Bold of you to think we will have a democracy. nt.

[keithbvadu2]

28. Morse code. Semaphore. Flashing mirrors. Something with distance.

[JoseBalow]

29. I don't associate with Nazis

Enjoy your pie

[usonian]

30. Give them the bird. ⚠️ warning ⚠️

Or just go to a restaurant. They offer great Thanksgiving meals, and say you are meeting with a top scientist/entrepreneur/dignitary/Kanamit.

Use me as an excuse, even through I meet none of those criteria.

Haters have no place in my life, because my time is better spent with good people trying to do good things and in need.

People who are not grateful for their lives, their good fortune, and all that others have done for them in this highly-connected world and universe deserve the company of the elite: THEMSELVES.

Their "exceptionalism of derision" is their own prison. Don't volunteer to serve time with them. You are free.

[cstanleytech]

32. Don't invite them or decline to attend would be my choice.

[NoRethugFriends]

33. three words to them. "go fuck yourself"

[Jeebo]

34. Is it really true that he has "promised the moon"?

I don't think so. What he has promised is that a lot of bad things will stop happening. Those bad things, of course, are not even happening. Space lasers are not affecting our elections. Haitian immigrants are not eating their neighbors' dogs and cats. Democrats are not making hurricanes happen. Hillary Clinton is not running a child sex ring out of the basement of a pizza restaurant. What the orange con man has promised, over and over on the campaign trail, is that these ridiculous fictitious bad things are happening and that he'll stop them, not so much that he'll make good things happen. He's been making his incredibly gullible followers believe, through months and years of repetition, through ubiquitous social media that are devoid of any fact-checking, through word-of-mouth within their right-wing bubble, that these CRAZY things are really happening, and that he'll stop them. What we really need to do to stop these crazy notions from continuing to take hold in our collective public consciousness is to confront them firmly. "Oh come on, Uncle Fred, do you REALLY believe that is happening? Are you REALLY that GULLIBLE? How easy is it to make you believe stupid ideas like that? WHERE did you get that crazy notion? Grow up, man. LISTEN to how crazy that sounds." We need to confront these people with their own MADNESS, make them see how crazy they have become.

— Ron

[yardwork]

57. Good points. However, he did make promises.

At least, a lot of his voters believe he made promises. They expect prices to plummet, wages to go up, taxes to disappear, etc. he promised the big rock candy mountain.

I'll bet a bunch of Trumpsters are spending more than they can afford right now, because they expect manna from heaven to transform their lives come January.

I don't intend to help them shift the blame to me when their fantasies crumble. "I disagree."

[Arazi]

70. You're ignoring the stuff the GOP will do

Like destroying the ACA, Medicaid, and possibly Social Security.

Other items on the agenda feel very plausible - prosecuting Traitor’s “enemies of the state”, deporting “illegals” and Palestinian protesters, re-implementing stop and frisk, and eliminating entire departments like Education, NOAA, etc.

His latest “promise” to prosecute the military that carried out the Afghanistan withdrawal is especially chilling.

Musk has promised “substantial financial pain” for all Americans. I believe him.

The buffoonery masks real shit that’s almost assuredly going to happen.

[Jeebo]

89. Not ignoring, just keeping focus.

Trying to stay on the subject and not wander off on tangents. I am well aware of the things you mentioned, but even those are not really "good" things, but negative, ugly, vindictive, spiteful, mean-spirited things. In keeping with that con man's character. But I didn't want to wander off onto tangential things in a short post.

— Ron

[Demobrat]

76. He promised no tax on tips, social security, or overtime.

Very specific items that will either happen or not. Of course they will not. A year from now we can start asking why not. Right now they are basking in the glow and best avoided. There is no good reason to engage with them. They will need to get slapped in the face by reality first.

[wnylib]

105. He might be telling the truth about no tax on Social Security

in ways that his voters don't yet understand.

You can't collect taxes on something that no longer exists.

[k0rs]

35. Bullshit

Avoidance isn't unavoidable.

It's mandatory.

These people are idiots. I refuse to pollute my existence with their presence. My wife and I are going to a local buffet for T-giving. There'll no doubt be maggots there but I don't have to interact with them.

[Ping Tung]

36. When listening to them just remember

"It is a tale told by an idiot, full of sound and fury, signifying nothing.” Shakespeare

[Skelly]

37. Not a problem in my house

Sorry, it is not about politics anymore. It is about morality. Those family members that voted for Trump have been dropped from family gatherings. Between myself and husband, kids and their partners, and grandchildren, we will have 12+ around our table. Don't get me wrong, there will be plenty of discussions and disagreement about how we are to move forward.

[orwell]

38. I won't...

...lose any more sleep worrying about this clusterf*ck.

They broke it. They bought it.

Enjoy the MAGAverse!

[orwell]

39. I won't...

...engage them because I won't be around them.

I'm done with these assholes...

[AverageOldGuy]

40. Are you kidding?

Here's my suggestions.

Your BIL says some Trump lie at the Thanksgiving table? You reply: "You are dumber than a box of rocks. Shove your lies up your ass."

When Trump voters talk about how wonderful things will be as soon as Trump takes office, say "You all are full of shit. Get the fuck out of my house and don't come back." Call the cops if they don't leave.

[yardwork]

53. That's a nice fantasy but the wife-approval factor is negative.

It's a nonstarter but I still love your post!

[drray23]

55. my wife looks out for me before her family and I do likewise.

otherwise what is the point of being married ?

[FoxNewsSucks]

62. I'm with you.

A simple FO is often enough

[kimbutgar]

41. I'll be around magas at Christmas this year in Arizona visiting my husband's family.

And I plan to keep my mouth shut.

I like the, I hope it’s true line though.

Also he used to say a lot in his first administration what he would do and we never got the healthcare, or a decent border wall etc.

[drray23]

45. I have a much simpler approach.

Anybody who voted for Trump, family or not is not invited nor would we go to their gathering if we get an invite. Acting politely and letting them drive the conversation with racist, xenophobic, misogynistic tropes is basically normalizing it.

[Lonestarblue]

52. I plan not to talk to them at all. Easier on everyone..

[crim son]

56. I think this is brilliant.

It isn't always possible to ignore the stupidity, so saying "I disagree" is a short and sweet way of responding if you feel forced to do so.

[yardwork]

59. Thanks!

[Demobrat]

58. I don't know how people do it. I can't. But if I had to

I wouldn’t try to argue. I would tape them. Then later when they bitched I would play it back to them. I’m soft-spoken and no match for the big loud ones. They just drown me out. But I’m a planner and I don’t forget. Revenge is a dish best served cold.

[dalton99a]

61. "No politics. Sorry. You wanna talk sex or religion?"

[sakabatou]

65. I'm thankful none of my relatives are cultists.

[rubbersole]

67. I'm just going to start with a prayer for my late Uncle Don...

He was loved by all. He was a relatively healthy 91 yo Christian man living independently in an assisted living facility in Texas. He got "viral pneumonia" and passed away in 2 days. March 2020. Covid wasn't mentioned in Texas hospitals then. A year later his doctor told my cousins it was definitely Covid. The whole family was angered. But it sure didn't stop them from voting for tsf. Enjoy your turkey. It tastes like crow.

[Betty Boom]

71. No. These are no-contact holidays

These people voted for more divisiveness? That’s exactly what they’re going to get. I’ve no desire to make nice with people who voted to endanger the lives of people I love and to destroy democracy. I’m gathering around the family of people that I can trust on Thanksgiving. The family I’ve made. Not the one I was born into.

[LilElf70]

73. Maga relatives?

This is how I deal with them around the holidays. My feeling is they dishonored themselves and the country. I almost see it as treason. I have no place for that shit in my life. I mean, who votes for a felon, rapist, fraud an con man to be president of this great country? I will not be associating with any of them for the next 4 years, maybe more.

[PortTack]

77. Here's my suggestion...hey...STFU

[Martin Eden]

78. First, I'll ask if they have a good appetite and a strong stomach

Then I'll say (regarding whatever the Magat said):

You'll be eating those words as the consequences of the Kakistocracy unfold.

When they get a confused look on their faces I'll tell them to look up "Kakistocracy" (no doubt have to spell it for them).

[proud patriot]

81. I agree

that's my plan

[ibegurpard]

82. I don't

Cut them out of my life in 2016 and am only more determined to keep my distance now.

[Scrivener7]

83. Anyone bringing up politics should be told not to.

[AkFemDem]

87. This won't work for those with loud mouth relatives who can't shut up about it or those who...

suffer that affliction themselves, and feel its a duty to democracy to speak up- but what works for my very politically mixed family is "NO POLITICS!" and none of us are shy about tossing that reminder out if one of us starts to tiptoe into it. The world is full of a lot of stuff to talk about that isn't politics.

I'll add that I understand that some feel they simply can NOT tolerate people in their lives at all who voted for Trump- I respect them making that choice. For me and mine though, we're able to maintain decent relationships with family by invoking the "No Politics Dumbass!" rule.

[Fish700]

88. Thankfully I have no MAGA relatives

But I still don't think the election was rigged.

[Hope22]

90. My answer is don't!

It took 10 minutes on the phone with my family member, the one that waited until I was alone with her to immediately go for the throat about politics last time we were together. I called her yesterday and let her know we weren’t having a dinner this year. To be honest my daughter in law is pregnant and all of this politics in healthcare is more than I can bear. She’s high risk and February Can’t come soon enough for me! I’m sure she voted for the monster. I don’t need that energy.

[Seeking Serenity]

92. How I plan to talk to my relatives, some of whom probably voted Trump, others I know didn't:

Hello!! It's been too long since we've spoken! How's everything in [city or state]? Oh, come here and hug your Auntie [Serenity]'s neck! You've gotten so big! How is school? You're in sixth grade now? Moving on up! Is [nephew's wife] pregnant? Oh, how exciting!! Do you have any pictures? I can't believe you're already a senior! Seems like yesterday you were just a toddler. You got accepted to where? How wonderful! You've got to be so excited!

That sort of thing. Y'know, normal catching up stuff.

[Seinan Sensei]

93. My personal "favorite" is when someone says

Well, everyone is entitled to their own opinion

Uhmmmm ... no.
Part of me wants to start singing "One of These Things Is Not Like the Others" from Sesame Street.
Part of me wants to use one of umpteen (good) examples (e.g. Baked Chicken vs. Boiled Sh*t, for supper is NOT just a "matter of opinion" )
I just don't know how to respond to these chuckleheads.

[CTyankee]

95. I don't even KNOW any Maga assholes. We will all be Democrats. Our motto: Living well is the best revenge

[bluestarone]

97. Not one of them assholes will be welcome at our house!

Problem solved!!

[Hassler]

99. Put on a sign that reads "I'm taking a vow of silence"

Then say absolutely nothing. Just stare at them with a big grin.They want a reaction and not giving one is guaranteed to piss them off.

[bmichaelh]

100. MAGA now owns this

I do not plan on letting any MAGA off the hook.

They now own this.

I will not go out of my way to confront them.

But if they bring up Trump, I will remind them of his failures.

[Skittles]

102. bring Leslie

[wryter2000]

103. How about...

"No politics," repeated as necessary.

[Littlered]

104. As we usually host for the holidays, it's quite simple.

We have a zero tolerance policy, regarding political discussion. And drama, as far as that goes. There is zero, and I mean zero, political discussion at family functions. As a matter of fact. We just had an early “thanksgiving” this evening. Today was the only day we could get everyone together. There was no political discussion, and zero drama. It was great.

[Meowmee]

106. tg I do not have any relatives crazy enough to support the psycho

If I did they would have been disowned by now.

[pat_k]

107. Book on How to Have Fearlessly Curious Conversations in Dangerously Divided Times

Recommended book:

I Never Thought of It That Way: How to Have Fearlessly Curious Conversations in Dangerously Divided Times
By Monica Guzman

It is possible to have respectful conversations with many people on the "other side." (But certainly not all.) I think the recommendations in the book can be very helpful. And when the techniques don't work and the other person is just being contrary, or when your own anger or hurt or whatever kicks in, disengage, respectfully.

Some of my takeaways from the book

-- Don't go into the conversation to change minds. Just let that go. Completely.

-- Ask genuinely curious questions (not "gotcha" questions). The book has a lot of guidance on this.

-- Don't argue conclusions. Reserve debating facts for later in the conversation. Shift to the personal as much as possible. What experiences in their life shaped their views? Share the experiences in your life that shaped your views.

For example, the author's father is a Trump voter. Part of the reason is that growing up in Mexico he saw a lot of corruption. His own father was a very honest, law-abiding man and instilled those values in him. He saw his father ridiculed for being law-abiding. When the author's father was able, he immigrated here legally. He came because he saw America as a nation of laws – not corrupt like Mexico. He believes people coming across the border without following the rules should be stopped. Try to change the laws, sure, but until the law is changed, for him, the law is the law. Period.

Sometimes, when you understand where someone is actually coming from -- not what you assume they are thinking -- it's a little easier to understand why they are where they are.

-- Listen. Show you've listened by paraphrasing what you heard them say. Sometimes when you do that an assumption of yours that is wrong sneaks in. You are giving them a chance to correct you before responding to what you've heard.) No one is ready to hear what you have to say if they don't feel you heard what they have to say.

-- When responding, stick with what is going on with you. (When I hear you say (whatever) I (whatever)...)

-- Be honest and clear. If you can't state your values and what led to them without being confrontational, disengage, respectfully. ("I am feeling very hurt/emotional/angry/vulnerable/whatever right now and need to stop talking about this. No need to explain. Just state what is going on for you. Don't blame (don't say "You are making me very ..." )

[geomon666]

108. It's very simple. I won't.

I'll be spending time with close family who I know didn't vote Red and if put into a position if one had, I simply wouldn't be there and I'd politely tell them why and that would be the end of the interaction.

[Raine]

111. Should be plenty of other things to talk about other then politics

with family.

[Emile]

112. Our MAGA relatives we have nothing to do with. They would never be invited

into my house to begin with.

[travelingthrulife]

113. Sounds like torture. Why attend?

Decline and tell the host as politely as you can, why you are declining.

[PennRalphie]

114. This thread is sad.

Did your MAGA relatives tell you to take a hike in 2020? During Obama’s two terms?

When I see my family and friends, the first thing we talk about isn’t politics. Maybe it’s all consuming to you, but maybe not them?

I know it’s popular here to brag about how you’ve disowned family and stopped being friends with people over politics.

If your family has been abusive, that’s a different story. But disowning a family member over a sign in their yard? Over a political view? Over a politician who has no clue you exist? Please think hard before you cut them out of your life altogether. I think this is how people end up so lonely in their later years. Political views evolve. You may disown someone, never talking to them again, who years down the road, ends up agreeing with you. But the tie has been severed.

My home on Thanksgiving will be full. Will politics be brought up? Maybe. But with family and friends, there is far more to talk about.

[yardwork]

116. That's what my OP is about.

I'm not going to stop attending friends' celebrations because a handful of "known Republicans" are there, nor am I going to upset my family by being rude to Trumpsters who've never been rude to me.

However, I am going to begin speaking up, politely, when they drop falsehoods into the conversation. They do this. They don't keep to the "no politics" rule. They sneak around it, and I feel as if I'm the bad guy if I respond.

So, I thought of a way to respond that maintains dignity and calm. I'm sharing it.

Like you, I'm kind of shocked and sad at many of the responses here.

[Raine]

118. TOTALLY Agree... nt

[hamsterjill]

119. I cannot imagine anyone sitting down at a holiday meal with someone they know voted for Trump.

Why? Life is too short and there are too many other people in the world who you can eat with.

I don’t mingle socially with anyone that I know voted for him. I simply deserve better. That includes family and friends.