How Trump affected my family

[onlyadream]

My mother, now 91, is an evangelical who voted for Trump every time. During the first round of this political nightmare, I tried to talk to her, but she literally covered her ears and said, “la la la la.” Growing up with her was incredibly challenging, and I have immense respect for my dad (now long gone) for managing to navigate life with her.

When my sister and I reached adolescence, she looked at us as if we had grown horns. She told me she hated me and that I was an accident, which fractured our relationship for decades. Communication was minimal at best. But when I got married and started a family, things shifted. For a while, she treated me like a real daughter, and I finally experienced what it felt like to have a mother.

It was wonderful—while it lasted. But then Trump came along and shattered it all.

I could blame her for the rift, but I know she endured an unimaginably harsh childhood. Her faith is like a life raft in a storm, something she clings to with every ounce of her being. Yet, that faith has also become a wall between us. When I visit her now, religious dogma blasts from every room, making even a short visit emotionally draining.

This Thanksgiving, my sister drove 250 miles to be with the family, but at the last minute, we were punished for expressing our fears about the future. We weren’t hostile; we simply shared how scared we are. Mom decided not to come to my house for Thanksgiving.

She later told us that, for a time, she had prioritized family over God—but she wouldn’t make that mistake again. It feels like we’re back to her old ways. She explained that she voted for Trump because he’s the “biblical candidate.” While she admits he’s flawed, she believes his policies align with scripture. She also brought up the story of the Tower of Babel, insisting that God doesn’t want globalism.

I hate Trump. I hate religious dogma. But I love my mom and am heartbroken.

[mobeau69]

1. You are not alone. :(

[Archae]

2. My Mom was religious also, but not that bad.

She would ask me to go to church with her, but that was the extent of her evangelizing.

My Dad was a prize hypocrite, spouting biblical verses to "justify" his white supremacy and other actions.
But he regularly ignored the rest of the Bible.
Especially his hatred of anyone not white or Christian.

Nowadays, with both my parents having died, it's the greedheads, hate spreaders and wannabe dictators among preachers I can't stand.

[Emile]

3. I'm sorry your mom is putting you through this

and all because of her political insanity.

[NameAlreadyTaken]

4. I'm sorry for your loss.

But she is lost forever. I would focus on good memories you have of her from the past. That person is long gone so you will have to grieve for her.

[Charging Triceratops]

5. Religion is a totalitarian state

Those who fall to their knees love the position and will lie and cheat and hate to justify their delusions.
I've seen it all my life.

[electric_blue68]

26. There are some very good Liberal Christian, and Baptist churches in NYC, and I'm sure elsewhere like

? Grace Church in ?San Francisco.

[Mariana]

42. And they are the minority in the US.

Most Christian voters cast their ballots for Trump, three times.

[electric_blue68]

44. I guess so(don't follow closely), but they Are there at least

[ProudMNDemocrat]

6. I am heart broken for you.

The last couple of years of my late Mother's life, she had nothing but FOX Noise on. When I would visit her for a few weeks each year in the Reno area, she would have it on and I would have to leave the room. We would discuss things afterwards, and often not resolve our differences.

I recalled one of our conversations when my mother told me she was a "Liberal Conservative". I let her know that such an animal did not exist. One was either "Liberal" or "Conservative" in their politics and life in general, but not both at the same time. I reminded her that she was not overly religious enough to be considered "Conservative", and her politics were more on the "Liberal" side in that she raised me to THINK for myself, rather than follow a set tenet that took away my ability to think. The last few years of her life, she grew even more conservative. It was painful to watch.

It was from my mother and her view of things, I am the person that I am today. Outspoken, passionate about issues, refusing to be controlled. Would she have voted for tRump? Perhaps. given her position that she told me in 2012 that she would support a Black man for President, but "Not that Black man(Obama)." That statement told me right there that FOX had brainwashed her.

My condolences. My advice to you would be, tell your mother the TRUTH when she brings up the subject of tRump, and that her vote for him puts you at odds with her. If she cannot handle the truth, she is the one who has lost out. I loved my mother to the end of her life and told her so. At least she knew that when she died.

[edbermac]

7. Trump is a biblical candidate?

Pretty bizarre considering he’s broken just about all of the 10 Commandments.

[onlyadream]

20. Totally frustrating

And we can't eve discuss it. She shuts it down immediately. Her reason for skipping Thanksgiving was that she "didn't feel comfortable" - when our Trump to Harris ratio would have been 4:3 (sadly).

[maxsolomon]

28. Read up on King Cyrus

He's their King Cyrus; God works through a non-believer. That's their rationalization.

Abortion is the #1 rationale for every Trumpist I'm related to.

[OMGWTF]

8. My mother is a Talibangelical Trump-lover who is also a narcissist.

I have no contact with my mother after she sabotaged a project I worked on for two years, and other assorted terrible behavior like lying about me to make herself look good and me look bad. My mother had a harsh childhood too (as did I because of her's), but I went to therapy, read countless self-help books and got over most of it. My mother has done nothing to improve our relationship so on the advice of my therapist, I have ceased all contact. It's a no-win situation.

[onlyadream]

21. So sorry about your relationship

My sister is in therapy and she keeps nagging at me to start, but I'm very good at putting everything bad in a drawer and closing it. I'd be afraid therapy would open that drawer and ruin me.

[onecaliberal]

9. Trump is a child rapist that they can pretend is something else.

This is why we have no relationship with the daughter. I can’t abide this complete backward evil behavior that will kill a lot of people, just like last time.

[Hope22]

10. My heart goes out to you.

I’m Experiencing this plus a sister who’s extreme as well. I’m on my own now. I understand the extreme sadness all of this brings. My heart goes out to you. You are doing an amazing job. Lean into your sister. I’m so glad she is with you on this. Hugs love and more love to you. We will get through this.💗💗🙏🏼💐

[onlyadream]

22. I'm so sorry!

I have my sister and husband; I can't imagine going through this solo.

[Hope22]

36. Thank you for the hugs. I think it is hard either way. Don't short yourself.

We hope our mom’s can come around. It’s really been a lifetime of ups and downs as you explain. On a happy note I have a new, first grand baby on the way. Im really excited about him. This world won’t steal his shine! Thanks again for the caring words.💗🙏🏼

[Scrivener7]

11. I've been there. And here's the truth: those good years? They weren't good.

She was using you because your children made her feel some emotion she wanted to feel. If she was able to tell you when you were a child that she hated you and you were a mistake, she's damaged and she's not where actual love will ever come from. She may enjoy how some of the things you bring reflect on her, but that isn't love. That kind of bad doesn't go away. Her use of trump and her religion are just symptoms of her inner damage.

My mother and my one sibling who was her flying monkey always successfully guilted me with the "what if I die tomorrow" gambit. I finally cut my mother off two years before she died. When she did die, I didn't regret having cut her off one bit. I DID regret, deeply, and regret to this day, the time and effort I wasted trying to create a relationship with her. I wish I had cut her off decades sooner.

You can't get blood from a stone, and that lady is a stone. Don't beat your head against that wall.

[onlyadream]

23. Interestingly...

The day after TG my sister and I went to her house with a plate of food. We sat and talked for an hour (we tried to be as normal as possible). At some point, I yawned, then my sister yawned; it's theorized that contagious yawning is a sign of empathy. Mother did not yawn. I always thought she had no empathy. When I take her shopping (she stopped driving so it's on me to take her), she's pretty awful to other people. I chastise her saying, "How would you feel if someone said that to you?" Then I realized she's not empathetic, which makes sense because how can you be so awful to a child?

[Scrivener7]

30. Oh, my dear. I have been where you are.

The hardest part was admitting to myself what she was. Because, as children of women like that, we depend on them for survival so, as children, we have to convince ourselves they are other than what they are. The habit sticks as we get older and after we no longer need to do it.

And then there is usually a lot of manipulation coming from such personalities.

Have you wanted to ease away but felt it would make you a bad person? I did that. But I assure you, it doesn't.

And yes. How can you say that to a child?

[onlyadream]

34. I used to imagine my "real" mom tied up in a closet.

It really is terrible.

She doesn't really manipulate us, she's a loner and can go for long periods of time not "checking in". I worry that she's laying on the floor at the bottom of the stairs. She's 91 and relies on me to take her shopping and I wouldn't want to cut ties. I just learned to accept her and would never cut her off based on politics since I know she's flawed and had an abusive, horrible childhood. It's not her fault. I blame the entire GOP and their takeover of the evangelicals.

[Scrivener7]

37. I wish you all the best.

And no. Your imaginings were not terrible. They were very rational, given your situation. They helped get you through.

[MadameButterfly]

32. Yes, all of the damaged people have come out of the woodwork to vote for

Trump because they see something they identify with. So they have to call it good, because they want to feel good.

I'm not for encouraging more people to vote anymore. I preferred it when the damaged and uninformed people stayed home.

[ancianita]

12. I'm sorry your heart is broken through this.

But you should also know that your mom does not know whether or how trump is "biblical." However she comes to think this, it's because either someone she trusts misled her or she misread her bible.

I speak with the 53% of Democrats who are Christian when I tell you that she needs to actually sit down and read her New Testament more, because it clearly reveals that trump most definitely is neither Christian, nor about Jesus, nor biblical.
She, like other erring christians, will have to learn the hard way that she is being deceived.

Also, this is most definitely not about dogma.

[Evolve Dammit]

18. It will always be someone else's fault

[onlyadream]

24. All she does it read her bible

It's the damn "Family Radio" (such irony there). I think they skew the messages to fit their power grab and she buys it for some reason.

[ancianita]

40. I see. Yes, it's a common mistake to believe what's on the radio over the Word.

[Nigrum Cattus]

13. The tower of babel story is one of the most ridiculous stories ever -

One would have to believe people could build a stone structure to heaven.
We have been in space and the moon, no heaven. The repugs have not
only caused problems on the family level but also the national level.
Religion will be the bane of the 21st century

[onlyadream]

25. Just another story how ancient people explained different languages.

Sadly, she believes all the stories are fact.

[Nigrum Cattus]

39. The Torah, Christian bible, Quran are collections of parables -

Not history books. They are suppose to guide you thru life.
Otherwise we would all live like the Amish. None of those
books say anything about electricity, phones, TV, radio, etc.

[ancianita]

41. How would you know. Have you read and actually understood even one of them?

I've taught World Literature at high school (college prep seniors) and college (100 and 300 levels), am well educated, well read, well traveled, and taught about those works (just 6 of the planet's 12 major religions) of humans coming to God consciousness as the God of the trillion universes revealed Himself (Itself, All That IS). I'm pretty sure if you read any two of the three on your shortlist, your broad brush judgment would change, even if to you we humans are nothing but stardust in the cosmic wind.

The Bible itself has writings that span 4,000 years, and more archaeological and antiquity documentation than any other book on the planet. Centuries old universities in the West -- Ivy League and major private & public universities with various majors in Antiquity ,Western culture, Western law, music, the arts, architecture, and the sciences originated with believers, starting at least 1,000 years ago.

[onlyadream]

45. I agree that there is history mixed up in the Bible

However, many of the stories in the Bible, seem to be an ancient people explaining their world. In addition, many stories are highly similar to prior religions that date before Judaism and Christianity. Many Christians today believe that the Bible is infallible as it’s the inherent word of God. However, you can quickly Google search and see how the Bible contradicts itself, therefore cannot be infallible.

[ancianita]

46. Any approach to the Bible is not merely about agreement or any logical frame of human understanding.

In human understanding the Bible has the structure of chronologically organized books thematically arranged under 'law', 'wisdom,' 'good news' etc, with attendant events and moral and societal concepts therein.

Overall, if Christian humans make the effort to understand what Jesus actually said humans should be and do, they'd know
-- that the scripture he studied and corrected the pharisees, scribes, & sadducees about;
-- that he proclaimed himself as "in the Father" and the Father "in Him";
-- that he came to fulfill all the Law and the prophets (through whom the Holy Spirit spoke);
-- that he revealed the existence of the Holy Spirit and thus, the Holy Trinity, and
-- how to be "in" the world but not "of" it, and how to have life beyond the material world
-- that beyond Israel he would build his Church that would last forever...

If they made the effort to understand the central buildup of the covenants God made to prepare Israel for Jesus' coming to the world, and then what Jesus says humans beyond Israel are all called to do from now on, they'd understand that the Bible is the telling of thousands of years of human preparation for a Being -- the Word made flesh -- and that for humanity he is the central figure of the Bible.

That kind of understanding of the Bible is only the beginning of an ongoing process of understanding "Thy kingdom come, thy will be done on earth as it is in heaven...."

Advent is the start of the liturgical year of Jesus' Church. It's a good time to learn of his Church and its relationship to him and for anyone who wants to learn, how and why he is at the center of the Bible.

Thank you for your thoughts, onlyadream.

[usonian]

14. They fell for lies and a false God.

Easier to say in pictures.

The lies:



Their "God"

[Mr.Bee]

17. What he said.

[barbtries]

15. That is a sad story.

She sounds unlovable to me, but I get that you are her daughter. I recommend counseling to help you with your grief over losing her.

[Johnny2X2X]

16. It's been hard

Both sides of our family.

My mother is a Trumpster and voted for him. She's 82 and kind of believes everything she sees on the internet. When my father (Harris voter) told her how upset her kids and grandkids are that Trump won, she responded, "I don't really care." Really has brought up some things about her that I had forgiven her for, she wasn't a very good mother. I always told myself that she did the best that she could do, but now I am not sure, I think she was selfish and cared more about herself than her children. I've talked to her once, but I just can't look at her the same anymore. She voted for someone because she wants him to hurt people, that's the way i see it. And she doesn't care that some of those people are members of her family, like her 2 gay grand children, or he half Mexican grandchildren. She's not in good health and she probably won't see 2026, but I am at peace with not being close with her again.

My wife's family too. Her neices both voted for Trump, she is very close to them and cannot bring herself to speak to them since the election. The older one, who is about 30, says she's really sad, and wants to say, "But you know I'm still a good person don't you?" We're both like, "I am not sure about that." You can't be a good person and want to vote for someone who ran on doing harm to people. Either that or you're just really stupid and I don't think she's stupid.

It all feels so personal, like a vote for Trump was a vote to hurt people. Right or wrong, that's the way it feels right now, that anyone who voted for Trump is the type of person who gets joy from seeing the vulnerable suffer. They get a kick out of seeing young children go hungry if those children are poor or immigrants. They like it when trans people are tormented, they get a thrill when a gay person is beaten. I want to tell myself that this isn't true, but that's the way it feels, that we live in a country with 75 million sadists who are cheering for the pain and suffering Trump is going to inflct on millions of people on their behalf.

[Evolve Dammit]

19. X10000000000! Well stated

[onlyadream]

29. Your situation sound similar to mine

The way I see it, there's three reasons for this.
1. They think the immigrants are getting something they should have gotten and they're bitter.
2. They are religious (my mother) and whatever they listen to tapped into their heads and convinced them that Trump's "platform" is in alignment with God.
3. They hate taxes and will do anything to lower or get rid of them altogether.

My in-laws are #1, mother #2, and most of my college friends #3.

[Mike 03]

31. This is so key:

She voted for someone because she wants him to hurt people, that's the way i see it.

I have a friend who I am positive voted for Trump for exactly this reason.

That is a crucial insight. When a person realizes this about someone we call family or friend, it's very hard to move on from that, because it points directly at core values. People can say we "should overlook politics" or "politics shouldn't get in the way of love," but now we are talking about a set of values and beliefs that make us human, that are so fundamental to who we are. I think at that point it is no longer possible to say this is just about politics.

Thanks for your post. Both you and the OP are expressing something so important.

[Johnny2X2X]

35. Yeah, it's about morals and ethics, not politics

I keep trying to rationalize this, I keep trying to give people the benefit of a doubt. But then I think about the campaign Trump ran, and I don't see how anyone could think that he ran on improving anyone's lives. He ran on ruining the lives of the other, not on improving your life. He ran on rounding up 10 million undocumented immigrants, dragging them from their homes at gun point, putting them into concentration camps, and then sending them to countries that they either don't know at all or aren't safe places for them. He ran on making it so trans people would have to hide. He ran on making it so people could be fired from their jobs or denied housing for merely being homosexual. He ran on making it so law enforcement could muder young black men again without any fear of being brought to justice over it. That's why he won, people who voted for him want those things to.

[electric_blue68]

27. I'm so sorry you have gone/are going through this

[GreenWave]

33. My mom went from helping prove cigarette smoking does indeed cause cancer to...

a religious zombie. She listened to those brainwash shows and even added two rooms to the house to store all the bullshit they were selling. She did however, listen to me and I heard those guys spinning their heads with crazy analogies. I told her they were sending you down the rectangular spiral upturning staircase where the double helix meets with Felix...zapping her poor brain of its last resistance... Fortunately my younger brothers overheard this and they were not led astray...

[Festivito]

38. I like Keith Olbermann's idea: Send someone to pull her cable out.

Although, the new culprit is SOCIOPATHETIC MEDIA.

Her story is one of caring, un-caring, caring again, un-caring now. Good old logic may not apply. I hope the problem is not clinical. In case it's not, there are some things that seem out of whack from your post.

There is nothing wrong with putting God first, over family, friends, ... The idea that she once did is out of whack.
God is love, and she does not seem to have love within her priorities. That's out of whack.

Instead, she judges what is good and what is bad. It's practically the first story in the Bible that has us pick between a tree of life or "the knowledge of good and evil." She enjoys that ability to judge as did Adam and Eve and they were kicked out of a beautiful life. That's what your mom seems to have chosen, and it's a shame.

The tower of Babel was about the wrong way to get close to God, not about how bad it is that we all work together. Sometimes all you can do is shake your head in disbelief that people can be that short sighted.

When you expressed fear about the future, your judgment to fear stepped on her judgment, and she did not like that.

It's not a good thing to hate people. Don't hate stagnant things like Don or dogma. Hate what he does, not him. Hate that you do not change the dogma or see-through the dogma. Don't hate a stagnant dogma that even in your infinite wisdom you may not have yet seen what it could really mean to your life.

[Hassler]

43. I'm sorry for your situation. I guess it's true,

You can choose your friends, but not your family

[Initech]

47. So many people got brainwashed and duped by this awful nightmare.

I wonder what it's going to take for people to wake up and realize how tyrannical and brutal this shit is going to get? It's not American by any stretch of the imagination.