How to Throw a Measles Party to Remember - The American Prospect

[justaprogressive]

In the year 2000, America bid an NSYNC “Bye Bye Bye” to the measles, the infectious disease that killed 400 to 500 Americans and infected three to four million each year back in the 1950s. But given that 2025 is a year of throwback trends—from baggy bootcut jeans to segregation—this spring, none other than the contagious queen herself, measles, is back to claim her crown.

As a wife, mother to two not-fat homeschooled children, and best-selling author of the book Cod Liver: It’s What’s for Dinner, I want to speak to other women currently draped in an alpaca shawl on how to throw a totally adorable party for deliberately infecting your child with a life-threatening disease.

The key to a good measles party is having plenty of beverages to soothe that dry hack and rehydrate after ALL the diarrhea. Think raw milk, fluoride-free water, apple cider vinegar, and of course, urine. But instead of cups, opt for a trough so that the guests can lap up their liquids while also sharing as many germs as possible. Did I mention you don’t need to waste money on food? Your child’s loss of appetite will mean you can skip the pizza or fruit snacks full of HARMFUL ARTIFICIAL DYES, and head for the main course: measles.

One of the hardest parts about throwing a kids’ party is settling on a theme. Is it going to be trucks or unicorns? Barnyard or outer space? But with measles parties, there’s only one theme: RASH! We’re talking red polka dots on everything, from the napkins to the tablecloth to the raspberry-speckled vanilla icing on the NON-GMO cake. Remember, no forks allowed. You want each child’s mitts all over those slices of contagion.

https://prospect.org/health/2025-03-28-how-to-throw-measles-party-to-remember/

[Solly Mack]

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[Celerity]

2. kick