Our son Brendan died suddenly on November 5th
Our son Brendan died suddenly on November 5th.
He was our baby, our first-born. We miss him so much.
He was a wonderful son and a good man. He was the mainstay of our family.
His children meant the world to him. He made tremendous sacrifices of his time and energy for them.
He enjoyed his work, and was very good at it. He was employed by an air freight company, where he rose from a driver to become operations manager.
His working at home this spring and summer gave us a chance to see him in operation, to appreciate his skill and aptitude for what he did. Co-ordinating shipments and deliveries all over the country, often with extremely time-sensitive cargoes, is as much an art as a business, because of the wide range of human factors involved, when several people must each perform a stage of the task for its successful completion. He kept things moving, and he knew how to do it. It was something to witness.
Cars and guitars are not uncommon devotions of a young man, and they ran deep with him. He found relaxation and artistic expression with his guitars, and had recently bought himself a new electric and a small amplifier. We can remember Brendan, as a toddler long ago, setting an empty doughnut box on the coffeetable, with the cellophane paneled lid tipped up, sitting there behind this 'windshield' to drive his car. He would inform us, when out on a walk, which of the cars we passed had happy tires.
He was an adventurous and curious child. He would often go wandering, beyond where we expected him to be. We would find people saying hello to him all about the neighborhood. Brendan charmed most of the people he met, and all of those he worked with. Even today, we are discovering friends we never knew he had, and over the years had occasion to learn of youthful adventures we'd never had a clue were going on.
Brendan was our family's memory. Events loom larger with children, and they recall things a parent will have long forgotten. He took a serious interest in genealogy, sparked by some oddities in our background. His mother's name is unusual, and he tracked down just about every stage of her ancestors' immigration and lives here back for several generations, and got a fix on current distant relatives. He laid to rest a myth I was raised to believe, about my own family background.
He had a passionate interest in Soviet and Latin American history, and his grasp of these far exceeds my own. His tastes in literature ran from the Heaney translation of Beowulf to Ulysses. He was a voracious reader.
Brendan took a great interest in politics and current affairs. He was angry and appalled at what has been happening to our country, and it is some small comfort at least to know he saw the turning of the tide before he passed. As events developed over that weekend, all we could think of was how glad he would have been to learn what we saw happening Thursday morning actually came true.
The loss is unfathomable. He simply fell dead of what must have been a massive heart attack, with no warning at all. His eyes were half-open but there was no one there anymore. The medical people tried but there was nothing they could do.
The standing desk Brendan made of the dining room table is covered with candles, and sometimes we stand there and just look at what he saw, what was on his mind, the open pads of notes, the computer that still lights up at the slightest nudge. Flowers, purple and white, are there as well. We brought him home this Friday, and the urn rests for now on his bed, above the crossed guitars, the acoustic and the electric.
We do hope to have a memorial service early in December, but in the current situation it is not possible to be certain.
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...please, know that we here at DU are always here for you...
The loss of a child. It is not how life is supposed to go.. My heart breaks
I wish there was something I could say but there isn't. I'm just very sorry.
I am so sorry for this tremendous loss. 
I am so very sorry to hear your sad news. It is heartbreaking.
Words are so inadequate. I wish I could convey my shock and dismay at your loss.
What a remarkable man you helped raise. He sounds like a force for good in the world, for all of us.
Please take care of yourselves during this time of grief.
A wise person once said: "The deeper the grief, the deeper the love." It is so true.
im so so so sorry.
Fate/life is unbelievably cruel.
http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-vnqmzSoXcKg/TevYO94cS3I/AAAAAAAAAZ8/utt6u8ybj6c/s1600/lilacs+purple+cropped.JPG
for your son.
thank you for sharing Brendan with us. He sounds like a lovely man. My most heartfelt condolences to you and your family. 
I cannot imagine how horrible this must be for you and your family.
Peace.
to everyone who knew and loved him.
heartbreaking loss, TM... What a beautiful tribute to your son.
hard to hear of anything this awful.
I am so so sorry for your heartbreaking news.
To say how utterly sorrowful I am for your loss.
Just know that my heart aches with yours
I can’t imagine what these days have been like. I am so sorry for your loss. I know if will be a long time but I hope someday Brendan’s memory will be a blessing. Peace to you and your family.
Sorry for your loss
I am so sorry to hear of your heartbreaking loss!
Brendan's memory will live on in your hearts and, I trust, will one day be a great comfort.
Healing vibes to you, your wife & family. 💗💗💗
You reared a wonderful man, Magistrate and your memorial speaks to that.
Please remember to engage in good self-care, remember to eat, sleep, and breathe deeply.
Nothing hurts like the loss of a child and I hope in time your hearts will find peace in your precious memories.
Usually I wish for cherished memories but here memories may just be painful, for a while.
I do hope that you and the family are surrounded by wonderful friends to take solace and to love and support each other.
You and your family have my deepest condolences!
It is always hard to lose a loved one, and especially so when it happens without warning. You have wonderful memories of Brendan to look back on. Please be kind to yourself and take care. You have a lot of friends and admirers here on DU. 
He sounds like a wonderful and cheerful young man who made a much too early departure.
Safe passage to him and strength and endurance for you and your loved ones to help one another through this unexpected event that life sends our way. But we help each other get back on our feet again.
You evoked him so beautifully in your post. I'm glad you have so many good memories of him to carry in your heart.
My deep sympathy for your loss.
who lived a full and exemplary life. I'm sure his memory will long live on in those whose life he touched.
a loss so profound, your son, unimaginable. A gifted son, productive son, his character which you shared describes a gifted soul, an angel.
So very, very sorry.
Sending love, light and warmth your way, my friend. 
I am so very sorry.
I am so sorry for your loss.
May his memory be a blessing.
My sincere condolences and thoughts go out to you and your family in this extremely difficult time.
My condolences.
For your loss
I can only imagine how you and your family are reeling from this tragic loss. Take care of yourself. If it’s any comfort, reading your description of this fantastic son makes it plain how much richer your life is to have been graced by his presence.
A beloved and good-hearted person leaves reverberations that change us forever. We miss them so, even as we feel their imprint.
imagine. I will pray for you and that doesn't seem enough. If there is something else you need please PM me. You are in my thoughts .
I'm so so sorry for your loss
It made me smile at some moments and at others brought me close to tears. I am so very sorry that you and your family have had to drink from the sorrowful cup of losing Brendan. You obviously raised a fine son and I wish your family the very best in healing and with time reclaiming the joy he would have wanted you to have.
🌹
I'm so sorry for your loss. Your grief will always be there, but sometime in the future the pain of your loss will slowly diminish. The knowledge that Brendan didn't suffer should be a comfort, but I know you'll always miss your son and love his memory. May God bless you, dear Magistrate.
A vivid, beautiful memory sketch of his life; youth, work, family, passions. ❤️
How sweet his young wanderings through your neighborhood.
Strength to you all so dearly missing him.
Knowing you from the words you write on this board, it doesn't surprise me to hear what an amazing man he was.
May the universe surround you and your family with abundant love and support.
And all of us here, we are all here for you.
For Brendan
May the memories of your beloved son and the love of your family give you comfort during this difficult time.
I am sorry for you and your family’s loss.
My most sincere condolences to you and yours, Sir.
I hope it brings you some small comfort to share this loss with your friends in the DU Community.
I'm so sorry, dear Magistrate.
What a loss - for the world (said by the mother of a son who's also a guitar-player/lover, and was totally smitten by cars when he was little).
I'm so sorry. It's never easy to bear or understand. Especially something sudden and TOTALLY unexpected like this. The empty spot it leaves in your heart is beyond imagining. And it was your baby... I'm getting choked up as I write this.
I'm so sorry. Dear God...
I hate it when the world loses a musician.
He sounds like he was an amazing man with many interests and intellectual curiosity. You could have been describing my own precious son. I can't imagine a pain that would be worse than losing him.
Please know that you are in my thoughts during this awful grief. Thank you for sharing his life story with us.
. . .we all will understand if you're not around here for awhile.
There are no words, except to say you and your will be in my heart and prayers.
I can't imagine how painful it must be for you. That was a beautiful tribute to him. My deepest condolences to you and the rest of your family. May he rest in peace.
I can't imagine how painful it must be for you. That was a beautiful tribute to him. My deepest condolences to you and the rest of your family. May he rest in peace.
we lost our son last year... I feel your sorrow intimately
just love , light ,, and my deepest regrets .. Sir 
she lost two of her children. My heart goes out to you and your family.
Be strong and remember the many wonderful things you mentioned in the lovely tribute you shared with us...
My deepest, heartfelt sympathies to both you and and your family.
That's absolutely terrible.
Peace and love.
i'm so sorry
It’s an unfathomable loss.
RIP, Brendan.
A beautiful tribute dear Magistrate! Sending love and hugs to you and your family!
I am so very sorry.
That is devastating, I know. I hold you and your whole family in my heart, and wish that every comfort might come your way at this time, to soften your heartbreak in any possible measure.
Your son sounds like such an amazing man, and was surely a remarkable boy. He was a light in an otherwise dark world, and we need more like him.
I am so very, very sorry to hear of the loss of your son.
your pain! Parents are not supposed to outlive their children.
My most sincere condolences to you and your family!
What an amazing man your son was. I am truly sorry and I can only wish for you a peace that passes understanding during this very hard time.
what a terrible loss for you and Brendan's family. May he rest in peace.
I feel your pain.
He sounds like a wonderful person.
My heart goes out to you and your family.
Your grief must be extensive, but your tribute to your son is beautiful.
In your dark days I wish you and your family the peace of knowing how he loved you all, his life and your grandchildren. May you see him in their faces, feel him in their hugs.
What a magnificent son you raised. I know you're heartbroken but I'm still sending you and your family wishes for strength and peace at this extremely difficult time.
Deepest condolences to you and your family.
I'm so sorry for your loss. Hope time will soften the edges of your sorrow.
I cannot fathom what you are going through right now. Time will help heal your hearts.
President Biden gave a speech on grief back in 2012 that is quite amazing. I hope these words from his speech are comforting.
"There will come a day, I promise you and your parents, as well, when the thought of your son or daughter or your husband or wife brings a smile to your lips before it brings a tear to your eye. It will happen. My prayer for you is that day will come sooner or later.. But the only thing I have more experience than you in is this: I’m telling you it will come.”
Peace
I cannot imagine your pain
I'm so very sorry for your loss.
That was a wonderful eulogy, I'm deeply touched by your words.
Brendan ... pass gently ...
Your tribute to your beloved and remarkable son was eloquent and touching. I cannot imagine how difficult that was to write, but thank you for sharing with your DU family. Like the others, my heart goes out to you and SheWhoMustBeObeyed and take care of yourself and each other. M'Sahib
In a year full of tragedy, yours truly brings it home.
As you take your break from DU, know that we are thinking of you and wish you the peace that can only come from time and a lifetime of good memories with your son.
I look forward to welcoming you back upon your return.
the grief and sorrow that must arise from the loss of a child. May you celebrate the memories that emanated from your times spent with him.
