Why it takes humour to sustain a long-term relationship

[Celerity]

Maintaining a long and happy relationship requires a specific skillset. Learning to laugh at yourself and together is key

https://psyche.co/ideas/why-it-takes-humour-to-sustain-a-long-term-relationship





Nowadays, the average age of first marriage in many countries around the world is in the 20s. Assuming these newlyweds live into their 70s or 80s (thanks to advances in modern medicine), and bullishly aspire to a life-long commitment, this would put their projected marriage length close to the 60-year range – far longer than the relationships experienced by the majority of humans for most of history.

The comedian Wanda Sykes put it less academically:

These days, for loving couples to coexist under the same roof for such extended periods of time, they must – among other pressures – undergo a challenging domestication process: whether the toilet seat should be left up or down; mail left sitting, or immediately opened; tinfoil placed in the recycle bin or in regular trash; dirty dishes left in the sink overnight, or cleaned off and stacked in the dishwasher before bedtime; the use of subtitles during TV shows, or not. The list is endless. And for many relationships, this is enough to upend them.

Relational boredom is another challenge – this is when a person’s marital or cohabiting situation goes through longer-than-expected phases of being unexciting and monotonous, while also seeming extraordinarily inconvenient and stressful to end. Battling the fear of missing out, taking flight, obsessively thinking about reinventing oneself, and going on a perennial odyssey to find one’s true soulmate are classic ways vulnerable people respond to ordinary relational boredom. No matter that realistically minded, conscientious, caring individuals do not abdicate intimate ties so impetuously. Having it in our psychological toolkit to somehow find a way to accept and adapt to the humdrum aspects of domestic life with significant others is imperative.



What is the most important tool in that box? Humour, irony and an appreciation for the absurd are often overlooked by marriage scholars as mindsets conducive to success at love. Yet I believe they provide the best way for intimate partners to adapt to all the mundane annoyances baked into marriage and long-term romantic partnerships.

snip

[LakeArenal]

1. After 49 married, 51 years together....

Mr Lake is the funniest person I know.
Bonus…. He’s smart ,too!

Not a day goes by without more than one out loud laughing.

🍀🍀❤️❤️💐💐

[Lulu KC]

2. Absolutely!

Funny is essential and in the women I know, funny is sexy! All those things about richer, poorer, in sickness and health etc. have one thing that can get you through: laughter.

It outlasts everything else. I need to go give my funny husband a big smooch right now.

Thanks for posting.

[AllaN01Bear]

3. me , im 66, going on 67 next month ,single , humor keeps me insane .

ohh , aahhh , a complex scentance .

[soldierant]

4. Unless their policy has changed,

Psyche's "ideas (and this is one - it says so in the URL) areunder a Creative Commons license, which means you may quote the full article in full as long as you follow the rules. (That applies, ir did, to ideas only). The details of the rules vary a little but each site that alows this (The Conversation, ProPublica, the New Mexico Political review) doesn't make it that hard to find what thye ask of you.

[Celerity]

5. I would rather they get some clicks (to read the rest). They are a wonderful site that deserves some click-love.

Same for their sister site, Aeon.

https://aeon.co/

[soldierant]

6. They are that indeed.