Desperately Seeking my Birth Father (Morgantown Area, 1978-79)

[Lyric]

I have no idea how to make this happen, though. My maternal Grandma claims not to know, though something in my guts makes me feel like she's lying to me. But I can't press her on this, unfortunately; she's very old and her health is frail. The stress of bad memories might hurt her.

I was born in late June of 1979, which means I was conceived in late September through very early October of 1978. The only information that I have to go on are a few things people have told me, that my mother supposedly told THEM. She and my Dad both died relatively young, so I have been a total orphan for 5 years, this year. No parents. No grandparents who actually WANT to see me, no full siblings, most of my extended "paternal" family are either dead, or have disowned me for telling the "Family Secret" in public (a.k.a., They're NOT lily-white. Grandpa Heinze's family is listed as "mulatto" in the 1910 census). For telling the world THAT, my two remaining aunts broke their vows to my Dad JUST to let me know that I have NEVER been a part of their family, and I'm unwelcome pretty much everywhere.

I have never felt so horribly alone in my whole life.

And it just EATS at me that my Dad's family decided to break their vow of secrecy to his poor murdered soul, and tell me the ONE thing that he asked all of his family to SWEAR they'd never tell me. That he truly meant that LITTLE to them. And they didn't even do it for a good REASON. They were just mad at me for revealing that the Heinze family is NOT pearl-white, and wanted to hurt me by revealing that I wasn't REALLY related to the family I had spent my whole life thinking I was a part of.

And my poor son. He's 18 now and struggling with identity issues even worse than MINE, because not only did he just lose half of his maternal family heritage--he was abandoned by his father before even being born, so we know almost NOTHING about his paternal family, either.

I am unbelievably angry with my late Mother right now. She HAD to know that SOMEDAY, my Dad's vicious, gossip-mongering family was going to tell me the truth in the WORST possible way. I HAD A RIGHT TO KNOW! She failed me...failed to protect me. And for all I know, she failed to give a man who might have WANTED me, any I notice that she was even pregnant, or any chance to be in my life.

That is WRONG. Just like every child deserves to know his/her parents, every PARENT deserves to know if they have a child out there. Maybe my biological father would have LOVED me, too. Maybe he was better off, financially, so I wouldn't have grown up in a household full of substance abuses, hunger, fear, and extreme poverty.

Or maybe not. Maybe he wouldn't have wanted me. Maybe he DID know about the pregnancy and deserted my Mom. Since SHE NEVER TOLD ME, I have no way to know what the truth of the matter is! And my Dad's family told me all of this when Mom and Dad are BOTH deceased, and aren't here to defend THEMSELVES, or ME.

Please...if you were friends with Debbora Jo Johnson (deceased) back in the late 70's, and you know of ANYONE she might have been intimate with, even briefly, during the late part of '78....come forward and let know me. My email address is [e-mail].

And to help jog memories:

Picture of my mother holding me when I was only 5-6 weeks old (summer of '79):


Closeup of Mom's face back then:


Closeup of Mom's beautiful green eye color--the same as my own.
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Photo of ME:
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Photo of my adult SON:


One source told me that the man who fathered me was a doctor of some kind. I have no idea what that means, or even if it's real, but if it IS real, then HE of all people should understand my desperate need for genetic information and my family medical history.

Her name was DEBBORA JO JOHNSON from the MORGANTOWN, WV area. She was working at Lum's department store while pregnant with me. Please, world. If you know ANYTHING, help me find out who I am?

Cross-posting to the West Virginia forum...

[TEB]

1. Good luck friend

You look like your mom

[Staph]

2. I was born and raised in Morgantown,

but I had moved away by the spring of 1977. I'll ask my sister, who was a WVU student until May of 1980.

May I suggest that you have your DNA tested? I just got back my results from Ancestry.com a month or so ago. They found more that 1000 possible relatives for me, from my mother (who had her DNA done as well!) out to fifth and sixth cousins.

You can look at your matches and click on the View Match button to see the relatives that you have in common. That helped me to separate maternal and paternal cousins.

It's even possible that your birth father or his close relations have had their DNA tested as well.

I wish you the best of luck. I have adopted children in my immediate family, and I understand the need to know where you come from.

[Arkansas Granny]

5. My nephew found his birth father through an Ancestry DNA test.

[snowybirdie]

3. Don't despair

My half sister found me her sister a 47. Unfortunately, our mother was gone, but we became family!

[Croney]

4. You are about the age of my youngest daughter.

She turns 40 in a couple of weeks. You, your mom, and your son are all very nice-looking people. I'm sorry you have so many unanswered questions, and mean relatives who don't appreciate having you in their lives. It is their loss.

My story has some similarities but I've been luckier when it comes to relatives being close to me. When I was 12, an aunt told me the man I called Daddy (my mother's second husband) was not my father. I was glad, because he abused me. My mother confessed that she was pregnant when she married her first husband, so he wasn't my father either, although at first she lied and said he was.

I found out because after #2 died, #1 ran into her on the street and they reconnected, and he tried to start up a relationship with me. My mother dumped him and told me to forget it, he wasn't my father anyway.

I think I wrangled the truth out of her when she was in her 80's (she's 95 now). I was the product of a one-night stand in the French Quarter, the night before she shipped out with the Navy.

I like that story and I'm sticking with it. After all, who am I, and who are you? Just products of a thousand generations of people of all colors and backgrounds. I understand your wanting a medical history, but I've done fine without mine, and with luck, you will too. You could look at yourself not as the end of some unknown bloodline, but as the beginning of a long line of people who will keep good records and hand down the family history you're creating now, to your descendants. You and your son are a family. Some people don't have a son, or a mother. I have half-siblings (some are Trumpsters, ugh) and kids and grandchildren and even great-grandchildren. But their history starts with me. That's just the way it is.

[Staph]

6. One more thing...

You say that your mom worked at Lum's Department Store in Morgantown. I never heard of Lum's, my mother (who lived in Morgantown from abut 1942 to 1971 and has been back to visit annually) never heard of Lum's. Was the store in Morgantown, or somewhere else?

Searching Google, I found a Lum's restaurant chain, specializing in hot dogs, but I don't remember one in Morgantown. The chain closed their last store in 1981.

Could she have worked at Hill's, or Heck's, or O. J. Morrison's?

[Lyric]

7. Yes, it was definitely Lum's (and IT WAS indeed a hot dog store)

It had a location in the old Mountaineer Mall, before the Morgantown Mall was ever built. Later, it got taken over by Weiner World(?). But it was definitely Lum's.

Updated with a little more info: my great-aunt and uncle say that they MET him, and think his name was Chuck or Charles. They said Mom met him at one of those religious youth retreats that were so common back then; but it was either Jewish or Mormon in nature. Both faiths DO tend to keep meticulous genealogical records, but they wouldn't be helpful if my father doesn't know that I even exist.

I would do ALL the DNA tests for fear of missing the "right" one, but we just can't afford it right now. Perhaps later.

Thank you guys for the help and comments. I feel so betrayed and alone...not a single full sibling in the world, unwanted by my own grandparents, who begged my mother to abort me. I just don't know HOW to feel anymore....