Some women don't want you to say hello to them or talk to them.

[Bonobo]

Some do though....

So make sure you read their mind first, then check your belly button for food and make sure you're not old. Because old people are just gross and are not supposed to have feelings of a sexual nature.

Make sure you do not say the second syllable of "hello" for too long or it will sound like Hellooo~~~! and that is not acceptable. Unless you're young and good-looking perhaps and even then, it is important to read the person's mind FIRST. Then it's okay. Maybe.

To summarize:

1. If you're old, don't say hello to women you don't know or try to talk to them.

2. If you're young and good-looking, there may be a chance to do so and not be creepy IF you don't over-emphasize the 2nd syllable and if your motives are pure and if you have read their mind beforehand to make sure they want you to say hello (not helloooo~~~)

THIS HAS BEEN A PUBLIC SERVICE ANNOUNCEMENT.

[TreasonousBastard]

1. And make sure your fly is zipped...

getting forgetful as you age is no excuse.

[In_The_Wind]

2. But ~ It's so tacky to wear a Hello tag on my lapel.

How will he know when it's okay to say hello to me?

[LadyHawkAZ]

3. I hear tacky is "in" now

[Inkfreak]

4. Maybe Tinder & Grinder apps are on the forefront.

Instead of interacting with anyone, we can all just have an app that we check to see if the people nearby are feeling friendly enough for a hello.

[Sen. Walter Sobchak]

5. Is that what those are for?

[Sen. Walter Sobchak]

6. I don't want to talk to most people in public

I especially don't want to talk to random women in airport lounges, who are usually some sort of sales rep.

But how the hell has this become yet another "gender issue"?

[ProudToBeBlueInRhody]

7. Just remember men, they know what you're doing

Especially doormen. We know that thing about saying hello to everyone is bullshit.

[noamnety]

8. Hope you don't mind me posting this here.

I'm sure if it's okay for me to post this here. But just by way of explanation ... it's scary for me how quickly conversations that were totally innocent and fine - started with a hello by the avocados, for instance, have turned into a guy grabbing me and talking porn in my ear and not letting go even when I try to pull away. Even though we're in the middle of a grocery store, and I can't imagine what how he thinks that's gonna end.

I'll happily nod to a guy as I cruise past on a bike because I know there's no risk, but I am admittedly gun shy based on my experiences if we're both on foot. I'm probably not alone in that.

[Bonobo]

9. That is assault and is a crime.

There are laws against it. It is a terrible thing but I do not think it should change people's behavior to the point that a hello or other greeting in public becomes verboten.

[noamnety]

10. It's assault and a crime, yes.

But there's no real way to prosecute - in the moment, it's all about getting away and gathering my wits and the wtf reaction. And after - I have no record of who he was. There's really no way to prosecute. Now I just try to be less friendly, because I don't know how else to avoid it except by being more cautious and closed, even though I shouldn't be the one who has to change my behavior because I didn't do anything wrong.

[Bonobo]

11. I can certainly understand that.

I'm really sorry that happened to you.

[noamnety]

12. Thanks

I'm not really looking for sympathy, a heck of a lot worse things happen to all sorts of people than getting grabbed in a fairly public place. Just explaining from the receiving end why something so innocent as saying hi in a grocery store might make a person like me lock up and become defensive, sort of a flash back reaction.

[Bonobo]

13. I understand your reticence and defensiveness.

But men are not mind readers and people do not want to close off themselves to being friendly and smiling or talking to people in a public space just because there is a POSSIBILITY that someone might have had a bad experience.

So my problem with the "Don't talk to me" movement is that it is socially destructive. If a particular person does not want a social interaction, that is just going to have to remain that person's responsibility to deal with and they cannot expect everyone to change their behavior.

From a pretty woman's perspective, she may indeed get annoyed after receiving 100 comments in a day about how nice her dress is, but each one of those 100 people have no idea about the other 99 comments. See the problem?

If everyone just started to not talk to each other, it wouldn't exactly help improve the world.

Furthermore, the video in particular that annoyed me was one in which the young woman singled out men for the crime of being old. She used a variety of pejorative terms, insults and stereotypes against old people and it was just plain hateful and nasty of her. If a man did such a thing about old women, it would rightfully be called out as disgusting behavior.

[Eleanors38]

16. What video do you reference in your final paragraph? Thanx.

[lumberjack_jeff]

14. I take all my cues from Austin Powers movies.

Last edited Wed Jul 30, 2014, 01:50 PM - Edit history (1)

"Hello" followed by "rrowr" is usually best.

In conversation, the presumption that all men are pigs is best addressed by conforming to that stereotype up front.

Behaving like a normal well-adapted and socialized human being is suspect because you must be hiding a really serious freakshow.

[Springslips]

15. Just had an event 'saying hi.'

I was out bicycling on a local trail. When I do so I'll say hi to everyone: men, women, old, young, just to acknowledge my fellow human being. Most of the time they'll return the hello. Sometimes they don't, and I don't mind that.

I met, while crossing a street, a woman and I said, " how's it going," with no special pitch to indicate a hit-on. ( which I don't do anyways; I have no particular compulsion to hit-on people I don't know.) what she does is sighs and rolls her eyes. Jesus! Come on. I don't mind if you don't answer back-- maybe you are having a bad day, you just don't want to use the energy, didn't hear me, had other things on your mind--no one has an obligation to answer back. But the eyeroll was done particularly to shame me, for saying hi! Lol. I obviously wasn't hitting on her, I going the opposite direction, and had a standard salutation while passing by.

It won't stop me though; she's the one breaking social protocol. Some people are just asshole.

[dawg]

18. I tend to give people the benefit of the doubt.

Perhaps this woman has been harassed so often that she has come to expect it. I'm sure it's easy to become cynical and to reject the possibility that any man is just being friendly. The way you describe it, however, it was still rude.

[kjones]

19. Man, I'm from the midwest

I feel unfriendly if I don't return a wave or nod to a passing motorist.
I know old guys whose retirement means sitting on the porch and
waving at people. I'm a young person too, so, it's not like I'm fondly
remembering some past.

We seem to complain all the time about people being anti-social,
spending to much time alone, online, on phones....damn teenagers.
But then we turn around and complain about friendliness?

Now I know there's harassment, there's really no positive way to
interpret a cat call unless you just like that sort of thing, but come
on.

Like you, I don't get bent out of shape if I initiate an exchange and
the is no reply, so I would hope people don't get bent out of shape
about being friendly.

Society....social...

[Springslips]

20. Yep.

I just don't want there to be some meme spread around that all hellos by men or woman are a hit-on. There's context to understand. Yeah, a "helloooo," or a "Hello there" has a sexual connotation, but a " how's it going" while passing on the street is not-- usually. Now some guys might use a reply to that as an invitation to proceed-- a truth which I can certainly understand would make some cat-call/ hit upon weary women careful. That's why it's perfectly fine to not answer. I get that. But to roll your eyes is a step too far--for he situation as it happened. That was done to humiliate-- which was uncalled for concerning the context. It all goes back to a socially unhealthy meme.

[kjones]

21. Of course, I don't dwell on any of it. It just kinda makes people seem rude.

However, after thinking about it, it seems odd that people hung up on it consider
context important in some contexts and not others.(that sounds so odd, but I
can't think of another way to say it)

I don't really agree with the OP's way of saying "mind reading" and such.
I agree with the sentiment, but I think it's a little hyperbolic, social context
isn't the most complicated thing in the world, after all, it seems like plenty of
well adjusted men and women are able to negotiate the troubles of social context
despite the difficulties. Of course the assertion that "all men" are somehow hitting
on you, probably said with a "literally" inserted somewhere in there, is quite hyperbolic.

I would always argue that context is important, and people should know when/when not
to make a comment that could be interpreted as salacious or making innocuous comments
in an inappropriate or unfortunate way...
AND they should be able to know, and be discerning enough, not to expect that every
innocent hail and acknowledgment is harassment. It's a two way street.

It's fine to demand awareness of context. It's not fine to then precede to ignore it
yourself.

But long, long story short...life is life and mistakes and miscalculations ARE going to happen,
and then there are people who are just going to be troglodytes anyway. If it's serious, report
it, if not, walk it off. I do that every time I'm alone with a woman in an elevator and she eyes me
which a certain amount of suspicion (thankfully, the vast majority don't). I do that every time I'm
on the street and somebody (female or male) looks over their shoulder with the same look of
suspicion. I've done that every one of the hundreds (thousands?) of times in my life my greetings,
verbal or otherwise, are ignored or, yes, occasionally scoffed at.

I suppose the existence of "social nature" dictates that "unsocial nature" will also exist.
I'll focus on the social part, and I encourage others to do the same.

Edit: To clarify, when I talk about hypocritical use of context, I refer to the insistence that "the
context was harassment" (it may very well be), while rejecting that context is important to an
innocent greeting. If you are aware enough to identify guised harassment, you ought to be
savvy enough to identify genuine greetings (and on top of that, should be savvy enough NOT
to insult, belittle, or dismiss large swathes of people. In this case, genuinely friendly people, and
apparently, old people.)

[dawg]

17. I think it's okay to attempt to start a conversation with a stranger ...

especially if you are both stuck waiting somewhere with nothing else to do. But if the stranger gives any indication at all that he or she doesn't want to interact, then that should be it. No one is owed a response to their overtures, innocent or not.

[Sen. Walter Sobchak]

22. Wow... so this is actually a thing.

So it turns out this no talking rule extends to attempting to return a dropped passport at the airport... I was definitely not expecting psychotic hostility in this situation.

[Shankapotomus]

23. I actually like the "don't talk to me" movement

That means if a woman wants to talk to me on a personal level the onus is all on her. What could be easier?

I put this into practice as my own personal policy long before I heard women complaining about it. I acknowledge women when it is socially expected to acknowledge them as anyone else, but I don't go out of my way to pursue them (especially women I don't know) or throw awkward hellos at them because I'm "biologically supposed to do so".

What I discovered is women (at least some of the ones who approached me) tend to be as incompetent and even as sexually objectifying as men when they want to approach a man. I totally felt like my mind and who I was as a person was totally beside to point to them; an attitude that did not raise my interest in them.

Sure, I get a lot less approaches from women than women do from men, but the vast majority of it is motivated by the same shallowness; just visual based interest from women who knew nothing about me, my beliefs, my interests, my politics.