Learning the hard way

[Marthe48]

Just don't lend relatives money. It's nice to be helpful, especially when the recipient pays you back as promised. But it hits the skids when they think it's okay to let it go. And they have the means to repay.

Just blah.

[SheltieLover]

1. ...

[tazkcmo]

2. Anytime I lend family money

I don't expect to get it back so I never loan more than I can do without. If I get it back great! If I don't, it was as expected

[mitch96]

13. +1 same here. Give and don't expect it back. You will never get hurt and you will learn not

to give to that person again. Also works for friends... Think of it as "educational expense"..
m

[SallyHemmings]

3. It's hard not to be the family bank.

When I finally closed the bank, the repeat “borrowers” found another way.

[MontanaMama]

4. Dang it. I'm sorry.

That feels just plain bad.

[markie]

5. thanks...

I needed that kick in the head a few years ago!

[CrispyQ]

6. A close relative we loaned money to,

suspecting it probably wouldn't get paid back due to his poor job history, turned trumper in the meantime, & has made outrageous justifications on why he shouldn't have to pay back the loan, one being that we're socialists & therefore should be okay with giving our money to someone less fortunate. Whatthefuckever.

[Marthe48]

10. That sounds terrible

Sounds like your relative went out on a limb to justify their behavior. My relative is not responsible with money, and up till now, hasn't had to make good with other relatives.

[multigraincracker]

7. Collateral.

I have found that word to be worth it’s wait in gold.
Have to have the same value in my hand before the cash is let go of.

[Marthe48]

9. They live far away

Wish it could work like that

[multigraincracker]

11. Always my plan B

I don’t have $500 right now to loan you. But I’m sending this $50 as a gift.
They can’t complain as they got a gift and you save $450. Win, win.

[Marthe48]

12. That's a good idea

I hope my relative has no more emergencies. :/

[Marthe48]

8. I hate feeling like the bad guy because I asserted myself

I got a windfall last year and gave it to the same relative for a different emergency and explained that the timing was good to be generous. This year, I told them I was taking it from savings and I needed to be paid back. If I can be generous, I will be, but if I can't, respect that. Asserting myself hasn't ever been easy. If I let this go, the relative will assume I'll do the same from now on. That isn't any good for anyone.

Thanks, everyone who posted. As usual, it helps to discuss something, and dilute it.

[3Hotdogs]

14. If it's a relative, expect that you ain't getting it back.And if it's a close relative,

Kid or sibling or parent, almost guarantee you ain’t getting it back.


— not a universal law but a framework to limit how much you are willing to “donate,”