Older LGBTQ adults fear going back "in the closet" upon entering assisted living

[Behind the Aegis]

When Ann Francis and her partner approached their 80s, their list of medical needs grew longer. But they don't have children, the circle of friends in their community that they relied on for care was also aging and they had their own medical problems to tend to.

So when Francis and her partner started looking around for assisted living facilities near their home in Lansing, Michigan, they were disappointed they did not find one in which, as a lesbian couple, they felt welcomed. Once, someone told her they accepted LGBTQ residents, but they "could not guarantee" the other residents would be understanding, she told Salon in a phone interview.

"That was sobering," Francis said. "We did not feel assured that if we had to go into assisted living or a nursing home that we would be respected, that we would be able to be together or that we would even have access to one another."

Eventually, they found a community 200 miles away in Oberlin, Ohio that they felt comfortable in. But that meant leaving behind the supportive community they had built over the past 40 years in Michigan.

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[roamer65]

1. I have a big worry of it as a gay man.

I have heard of stories of abuse by homophobic residents.

[Behind the Aegis]

2. So do I.

My husband and I are trying to prepare for the future, but with the Rethugs constantly fucking shit up, it has been a little difficult to know what we can count on, and what we need to do to do to prepare.

[roamer65]

3. My positive is I have good family support.

Also, I plan on looking for a place that has an active LGBTQ+ group if/when I go into an assisted living or home.

Personally, I hope I die before it comes to a home or assisted living. I hate the idea of being in one.

[Susan Calvin]

6. Even though I'm a cis straight female

I think I'd look for the same to feel safe for myself. And, like you, I do hope I never end up in one.

[roamer65]

7. We make great friends.

[Susan Calvin]

8. .

[marble falls]

4. Something I never thought about. Oberlin is a very nice place, but leaving everybody behind in ...

... Michigan in their eighties ... that in itself could be life shortening.

What a small world being small minded makes for. What a shame it is for a community to lose good, productive members over that small mindedness. My heart goes out to them and all couples facing an extra dose of heartache over other peoples inability to be open and loving, as they age and face elder care.

[lambchopp59]

5. Precisely why many of us pay relatively exorbitant rent

To stay in the blue zones across the age spectrum.
I could be where I'm paying 1/4th of my current rent.
I'd also be frightened out of my wits with the drunken, meth-head Rambo's there strapped with AK 47's in that local WalMart fantasizing to be the murdering "hero" of a hypothetical scenario. Getting radicalized that we're "the enemy". No, thank you. If I must eat chili dogs now and then to stay in the safer zones, I'll hazard it.