Empowered: Women Tell Family Court Judges of Experiences With Coercive Control Using New Domestic A

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Empowered: Women Tell Family Court Judges of Experiences With Coercive Control Using New Domestic Abuse Law
10/21/2022 by Amy Polacko
Lessons learned on the one-year anniversary of Jennifers’ Law in Connecticut

Meredith knew there were deep-seated issues in her marriage—but she didn’t bargain for the hell that raged after it went south.
She can’t use her real name because she’s scared for her safety and has a protective order against her ex-husband. Like so many women, she said the control her ex wielded over her escalated during her divorce and the legal battle after. This Fairfield County, Conn., mother of three is nine years and five lawyers into the war now—plus half a million dollars in legal debt. She’s trying to get court-ordered support her ex stopped paying and six-figures in expenses for their children’s medical bills, college costs and activities.


Women like Meredith of Fairfield County, Conn., often spend years and hundreds of thousands of dollars in family court battles—as evidenced by her mountain of legal documents that keeps growing. (Courtesy)

Meredith and her kids have moved three times, her house went into foreclosure and she’s cashing in her kids’ bonds to pay the rent this month. Sounds crazy? It’s not out of the ordinary in the U.S. family court system—especially when coercive control is involved.
“This should not be happening. I have three court dates this month and more to come. I cannot tell you how many people say, ‘You should be working,’ but what they don’t understand—and I didn’t at first either—is that it’s nearly impossible,” said Meredith, a former professional in New York City who desperately wants to return to her field.“There is emotional trauma every week, plus gathering documents and files, then showing up to multiple court hearings. I’ve been told I must do everything by the date required. Meanwhile, there’s never been a hearing date, deadline or document request where my ex has done a quarter of what he’s supposed to do.”

She has two words for this: litigation abuse. Connecticut’s new Jennifers’ Law, which went into effect last October, expanded domestic abuse to include coercive control—addressing the way perpetrators weaponize the court system. The law is named for two women who lost their lives to domestic violence—Jennifer Dulos and Jennifer Magnano. It makes stalking, isolation, financial abuse, intimidation, sexual coercion and legal abuse a factor in family court cases. But Meredith said it has been challenging to find an attorney who is willing to cite Jennifers’ Law. Many lawyers don’t understand the law yet, she said, and still equate abuse with only physical harm. So, she decided to go “pro se” in a recent hearing and addressed the court herself:
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Five states now have laws on the books that redefine domestic abuse to include coercive control: California, Hawaii, Washington, Maryland and Connecticut. “Coercive control is a pattern of behavior that encompasses other abuses that may be overt or covert,” said Dr. Christine Cocchiola, a coercive control advocate who testified in support of Jennifers’ Law. “This abuse is based on the need for control by the offender, and is the foundation of most domestic abuse.” Betsy Keller, head of the protective mothers group, said every stakeholder in the family court system needs to be educated on the broader definition of “domestic abuse”—from judges to law clerks to family relations officers. The Connecticut Judicial Branch declined my request for an interview and I received no response from the Connecticut Bar Association. So, it’s unclear how much is being done — and Keller’s moms can’t wait.

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A presentation on Jennifers’ Law with the Connecticut Bar Association in March. (Connecticut Protective Moms / @MomsProtective Twitter)
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https://msmagazine.com/2022/10/21/jennifers-law-divorce-family-court-coercive-control-domestic-abuse/

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1. Kicking for visibility

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2. Thank you.

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3. Ty for posting.