Could You Detect a Coercive Controller Like Simon in 'Alice, Darling'? I Didn't--Until It Was Too La
(Warning: graphic and disturbing)
Could You Detect a Coercive Controller Like Simon in ‘Alice, Darling’? I Didn’t—Until It Was Too Late.
2/3/2023 by Amy Polacko
Coercive control is the foundation of all domestic abuse—and anyone can become a victim of these sophisticated perpetrators.
Wunmi Mosaku as Sophie, Anna Kendrick as Alice, and Kaniehtiio Horn as Tess in Alice, Darling. (Courtesy of Lionsgate)
“He doesn’t hurt me or anything.”
If there’s one line that sums up Alice, Darling—and every psychological abuse victim’s inner chaos—it’s this one. Alice, played by Anna Kendrick (Pitch Perfect), makes this excuse for her boyfriend’s behavior out loud to her friends in the new thriller. I said it to myself when imprisoned in an abusive relationship too. Why? As humans we long for love, stability and peace so if you’re kindhearted you can’t fathom that someone you love is out to destroy you. You doubt yourself—and the manipulator counts on that. You may reason that emotional abuse is not that bad because he hasn’t hit you. After all, our society reinforces that “abuse” means black eyes, bruises and scars.
But Alice, Darling, which hit theaters Jan. 20, smashes that definition to smithereens. “He doesn’t hurt you?” Alice’s straight-talking pal Sophie asks indignantly, after witnessing the manipulation, mind games and controlling behavior that pushes Alice to the brink of a breakdown on a girls weekend that was supposed to be fun. Alice goes without her boyfriend Simon, telling him she had a work trip to escape.
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It’s all about control. In fact, experts say, coercive control is the foundation of all domestic abuse. “I think a lot of times people talk about emotional abuse or psychological abuse when what they really mean is coercive control, which is a much broader term,” said Dr. Lisa Fontes, author of Invisible Chains: Overcoming Coercive Control in Your Intimate Relationship. “If you call your partner horrible names, that is psychological abuse and might happen only once or all the time. Coercive control is much more multifaceted. It involves isolating, which happens in the movie, tracking and monitoring, sexual coercion and sometimes—but not always—physical abuse.”
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alice-darling-film-coercive-control-abuse (Courtesy of Lionsgate)
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It’s called FEMICIDE (emphasis mine). Almost three women are killed by an intimate partner every day in the United States, according to the Violence Policy Center’s report “When Men Murder Women: An Analysis of 2018 Homicide Data.” During this sample year, 92 percent of intimate partner female homicide victims were murdered by a man they knew and 63 percent were killed by current boyfriends, husbands or ex-husbands. Most telling: A whopping 70 percent of femicide cases in high-income countries happen in America.
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For anonymous, confidential help available 24/7, call the National Domestic Violence Hotline at 1-800-799-7233 (SAFE) or 1-800-787-3224 (TTY) now.
https://msmagazine.com/2023/02/03/alice-darling-film-coercive-control-abuse/