Ten Warnings the New Gabby Petito Netflix Doc Reveals About Coercive Control (trigger warning)
(lengthy, VERY important, very disturbing, read!!!)
Ten Warnings the New Gabby Petito Netflix Doc Reveals About Coercive Control (trigger warning)
PUBLISHED 2/20/2025 by Amy Polacko
They were the “Insta-perfect” couple that captivated a nation.
But a new Netflix documentary American Murder: Gabby Petito includes text messages never seen before, journal entries, social media footage, family interviews and body cam video that give a foreboding picture of exactly what led to the 22-year-old’s death at the hands of Brian Laundrie. It’s called coercive control—and this deeper dive into Petito’s story serves as a five-alarm warning to everyone, and their loved ones, about red flags to look for in relationships. Gabby Petito’s stepdad Jim Schmidt collapsed on the ground when investigators found her body in Wyoming’s Bridger-Teton National Forest on Sept. 19, 2021, after a nearly month-long search. He had the task of identifying Gabby, remembering her in the fetal position “laying on the ground for weeks, in the wild just left there like she was a piece of trash by somebody who was supposed to love her.”
Love. That’s how it all started. Brian Laundrie seemed to be the doting boyfriend-turned-fiancé at the beginning of their whirlwind romance. But almost all abusers are. The couple set off excitedly on a roadtrip in their van—an odyssey she wanted to document through a vlog—but only one of them returned. Now, Petito’s tragic story can educate others about the insidious nuances of coercive control—a pattern of threats, humiliation, intimidation and other abuse used to punish, hurt or scare victims. “If you call your partner horrible names, that is psychological abuse and might happen only once or all the time. Coercive control is much more multifaceted. It involves isolating … tracking and monitoring, sexual coercion and sometimes—but not always—physical abuse,” according to Dr. Lisa Fontes, who wrote Invisible Chains: Overcoming Coercive Control in Your Intimate Relationship. She and other experts believe coercive control is the foundation of all abuse.
As a divorce coach and domestic abuse survivor, I see this dynamic play out with my clients every day.
Here are 10 clues directly from the three-part series American Murder: Gabby Petito to look for in your relationship—or one of someone you care about—before it’s too late:
1. The courtship is out of a movie.
Laundrie said it was love at first sight when he spotted Petito outside a New York deli and pulled over to talk to her after high school. Nine months later, she moved to Florida with him. “It’s kind of quick … are you sure?” her mother, Nichole Schmidt, asked. Coercive controllers use love bombing to shower their targets with affection and convince them to take drastic steps early on. When he proposed after their one-year anniversary, he said a firefly landed on Petito’s ring finger; “that’s how we knew the universe wanted us to be together.” This emphasis on “soulmates” and “destiny” is a common tactic.
2. Look at what they do—not what they say.
Brian Laundrie also had flowery words for a woman only identified as “Brian and Gabby’s friend,” texting her when they were roommates after high school, “It’s national bluebird day (it is). The bluebird is known for its beauty and the joy it brings through it’s (sic) song … don’t sweat the small stuff bluebird, Happy birthday.” Another time, he left a note saying she could be the love of his life—but she didn’t reciprocate his feelings.
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In a small way, we hope this story continues that mission in Gabby Petito’s memory. If you or someone your love needs help, you can find resources at the Gabby Petito Foundation (https://gabbypetitofoundation.org/) or by calling The National Domestic Violence Hotline at 1-800-799-SAFE (7233).
https://msmagazine.com/2025/02/20/gabby-petito-documentary-netflix-coercive-control/