Okay. That did NOT go well.

[Vanje]

How on earth did I get these bruises?
Am I lying on the porch?...In vomit?
What is a baked ham doing on the front lawn, and why isnt anyone speaking to me?

I behaved badly last weekend. Very badly.

I probably lost some friends.


Before, though, I did manage to go 10 days without a drink.
The first week was okay. I optimistically searched for a meeting, but no one was there. The Grange Hall was dark on meeting night and the door was locked. Perhaps they went to Karaoke night at the Round Up Room.

I have a lot of sad painful angry lonesome bad-ass shit going on with me these days, even ASIDE from the drinking.The second sober week just sucked the joy right out of me.
So I drank . (and apparently cooked a ham.)

Those people still speaking to me, were frightened, and worried, and don't want me to die or be sad anymore.

I'm better off than I thought I was. These are GOOD FRIENDS! I had though they had written me off.(oH great. I'm crying)

I will see a recommended counselor, find a meeting, and I've already gotten some coaching from a veteran 12-stepper, who has seen and heard EVERYTHING!
I got a lot of candy, and some ice-cream, and I'm not drinking tonight.

Lets see what can be salvaged from this hot mess.
That ham is a total loss.

[applegrove]

1. You've gone 10 days, you can go all the way. And it just gets easier. Good luck

to you.

[Joe Shlabotnik]

2. Best wishes to you.

I've been there AND I continue to go there, so I really don't have any advice. So just saying 'you're not alone'. It sounds like you want to do the right thing, so keep trying to follow your heart.

[LiberalAndProud]

3. (( Vanje ))

You know you can get better. I hope you will, and soon.

[oldhippydude]

4. good luck my Idaho friend

it's doable of course you know that, or you wouldent be here.. keep posting... havent been to any lately but i know there are online aa meetings..sometimes they get you trough when you dont have a f2f handy..

[Old Codger]

5. I am guessing

That you don't have a sponsor, you gotten some coaching? from a veteran? but no sponsor, will that veteran be your sponsor? if not find one and use him/her all the time.
An AA meeting is defined as "any time two or more alcoholics get together and talk about alcoholism" does not have to take place in any special place just has to take place.... so get a list of people you can talk to, anyone and everyone associated with AA in any way, or anyone who will talk to you when you need them and call them as needed.

[Vanje]

6. Yes, Codger

She offered to be my sponsor, and urged me to call at any time of day.
She is my lifeline for now, but ......Maybe A&R readers can help me with this......We have friends/relationships in common, one of which is very principally involved with current emotional turmoil I'm having.

In my first 24 hours alcohol free, I have not separated my tumultuous relationship trouble from my drinking trouble.

I trust my mentor to be fair , but, is it a good idea for a sponsor and sponsoree to have close relationships in common?

[Old Codger]

7. Hmmmm

I am not sure how to answer that one. You need someone, that is a fact, you do not need any sort of turmoil in your life while trying to reach some level of sobriety, it is a difficult journey and contains many many pitfalls, some caused by circumstances beyond our control some caused by our unwillingness to do whatever is necessary to reach our goals. We quite often sabotage ourselves in ways that we do not even realize. There may come a time in your trip that requires that you do something that may be quite painful, I personally have had to do so and would feel pretty safe betting that it is something that almost 100% of us have been required to do, how that manifests itself is something that I cannot even guess in your case since I do not know you well enough, but this person who is helping you may know and may be able to help.If they are involved in AA and have some sobriety behind the and have a good strong program they can be a tremendous help. If they are involved too closely they may have some misgivings but the fact that they offered says that they believe they can handle it... but your feeling in that matter are the deciding factor really, if you do not feel comfortable with that then maybe they know of someone who can do that instead.
This group has been quite sharp and there is a lot of long term and apparently strong sobriety here so hopefully someone with more smarts can jump in and add to this discussion.

[NMDemDist2]

9. My thoughts

while i'm not clear on We have friends/relationships in common, one of which is very principally involved with current emotional turmoil I'm having. exactly what that means, if she's a long timer in the program you are attempting AND you two clearly discuss what is expected re: these other relationships, I don't see any problem

a strong 12 step program usually means that we don't fall into the sick relationship stuff that so many of us suffer from when we get here. As long as her advice isn't partisan toward either party of the turmoil, there's no reason she can't take you through the steps. in fact, if she's had the opportunity over the years of observing your relationships, she might be able to offer clarity that an outsider may miss.

i've know women who've gotten sober when their husbands/lovers continued to drink, i've know spouses who actually came into the program because the other spouse started working a program and they ended up with a strong program AND marriage on the other side.

i don't know anyone who hasn't stayed sober no matter what the circumstance if they really did the work and were willing. the Big Book tells us in "Working with Others"

Job or no job - wife or no wife - we simply do not stop drinking so long as we place dependence upon other people ahead of dependence on God.

Burn the idea into the consciousness of every man that he can get well regardless of anyone. The only condition is that he trust in God and clean house.

So you must ask yourself, are you willing?

[tavalon]

14. So true

My heart shattered yet again last week, but I did the right thing, the moral thing, the heartbreaking thing that had to be done and I couldn't have done it without the program. I don't yet have a sponsor but since in one way or another, the question of a sponsor comes up in one way or another every day , it is clear my higher power is nudging me. And I no longer ignore her. For some reason, getting a sponsor scares me - but I'm going to be scared and do it anyway because I know the other road and I cannot go down it again, at least not without destroying myself. And I'm not willing to do that.

I will say I am so grateful for the easy days when they come. They are grace in the midst of the storm. It's like my higher power knows when I need a little break. It's always just a little break, but that's all I need. Well, I think I need more but I give my will to Evelyn. She is the one who guides this ship these days.

[progree]

10. Maybe call the local A.A. number....

She offered to be my sponsor, and urged me to call at any time of day.
She is my lifeline for now, but ......Maybe A&R readers can help me with this......We have friends/relationships in common, one of which is very principally involved with current emotional turmoil I'm having.

In my first 24 hours alcohol free, I have not separated my tumultuous relationship trouble from my drinking trouble.

I trust my mentor to be fair , but, is it a good idea for a sponsor and sponsoree to have close relationships in common?

If it were me, I'd look for a sponsor that was more distant from my personal relationships and life and turmoil, especially to start. Perhaps calling the local A.A. office -- in my area they help people get a sponsor. Or ask at a meeting -- especially at the larger meetings they are always looking to furnish people with a temporary sponsor. I always like the phrase "temporary sponsor".

[Broderick]

8. I feel for you

Had many struggles with similar stories that just caused me to do more of it.

[irisblue]

11. ((Vanje))

i woke thinking of you. you are in my prayers. let us know how you are doing, just today

[Vanje]

12. Thanks for the support, all

It means everything to me.

[Rhiannon12866]

13. That's one thing I've heard a lot in AA,

That we just can't do it alone. I know that I couldn't, and I tried. Being able to share with others who have been there and understand means so much, so you know you're not alone. I felt pretty much like a freak until I walked into an AA meeting and heard stories that I could identify with and learned tools for coping from others who came before me. You're in good company here, so keep coming back...

[Tripod]

17. Fuck! We need help!

[Tripod]

15. I trust you will find the support you need.

It is available every where, AA. Good fortune to you. I'll pray for you tonight. You can do this!

[demosincebirth]

16. I would suggest you find a tough sponser with long term sobriety and listen to him. We

just had member with 3 month sobriety start drinking again. A bad ending to his last drunk - killed a guy with his car, sitting in jail, so far no bail. Has/had a house with a picket fence, a wife and two teenagers. We should all think about this. Many "yets" are still out there for us. But by the Grace of God...

[JayhawkSD]

18. You're making jokes about a ham?

You're making a total wreck out of your life, driving away friends and family, and you're making jokes about a fucking ham? Not one word admitted that you need help. You're not ready yet. When you're ready to quit making jokes, ready to see your situation as not even remotely funny. When you are without hope and are ready to ask for help, then look for an AA meeting.

[blueamy66]

19. I have to respectfully disagree.

I went to my first court ordered "class" last night.

The group leader impressed the hell outta me. Very smart, very down to Earth, seemed to be very caring....but he infused a bit of humor into the situation.

It's obvious the poster realizes that there is a problem or they wouldn't have posted in this Group.

[cally]

20. One of my favorite parts of AA is that we laugh at our mistakes

I'm often amazed at what other folks bottom is. I know many old timers who seem to have had fairly low bottoms and others who lost everything. I know I can't judge who is likely to stay sober. I'm often surprised at the progress I see in others lives who attend AA.

[Vanje]

21. Went to a meeting tonight. My first.

A friend of mine who is a longtime sober 12-stepper took me there.
It was a small meeting at a 12step club.
There were about a dozen people.
I felt quite at home.
I didn't share much, but listened carefully.
A good group.
Time very well spent.

I'll be back.

and....

They have Karaoke on Saturday nights!!!!!!!!!!


Edited to add, ...and they drink coffee like I do , like we mean it.

[Vanje]

22. Things are looking up. Hope all is well with everyone here.

You've been helpful.

[wildeyed]

23. Great!

Hope you had a good weekend!

[irisblue]

24. (((vanje)))