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bif

(24,002 posts)
Thu Jul 6, 2023, 03:37 PM Jul 2023

Almost 5 years sober and there are still things I don't do

Actually there a lot of events I don't participate in. Especially parties where I don't know many people. My wife loves those sort of things.

The other night some friends invited us out on their boat. I told my wife I didn't want to geo (Boats=Drinking).I think she was a little pissed about it. She actually said something to the effect of "So when are you going to be okay doing stuff like that?" My somewhat childish response was, "Look, you're the one who decided I needed to quit drinking, so you need to get used to doing some of these things by yourself." She's usually pretty understanding about these things.
Okay, enough of my bitching.

11 replies = new reply since forum marked as read
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NoRethugFriends

(2,997 posts)
1. Did you not think you needed to quit drinking?
Thu Jul 6, 2023, 03:41 PM
Jul 2023

Pinning on her unfair, but I guess you are recognizing that.

applegrove

(123,130 posts)
2. I found people who are drunk are pretty sweet when I quit alcohol.
Thu Jul 6, 2023, 03:43 PM
Jul 2023

I am sweet. I surf that sweetness instead of booze. That is my trip. Have not been out much, but I find I am not vulnerable and enjoy myself. Been quit 10 -11 years. Everyone is different though. Do what is best for you.

Bristlecone

(10,489 posts)
3. If you don't feel good about those types of events and outings, don't go.
Thu Jul 6, 2023, 03:49 PM
Jul 2023

But is it the booze, or is it you don’t want to be put in a position to step out of your comfort zone, and use the booze as an excuse?

It’s a rhetorical question really. Like I said, if you don’t feel comfortable in that environment, don’t go. I’m on your side.

 

Hugh_Lebowski

(33,643 posts)
4. Totally remember those conversations ... back in 2010 when I was sober and my (now) ex-wife was not.
Thu Jul 6, 2023, 03:51 PM
Jul 2023

Now I'm back 'out' and wish I'd put my foot down a tad more often in that sort of regard. She often guilted me into going with her to situation I knew were going to be hard for me and one of the TOP ONES ... was parties where it was mostly people I didn't know.

In fact one of those that I HAD to go to with her was what broke a 3 year stint. I mean, it was the cliffs of La Jolla at like a $10M mansion overlooking the ocean that had it's own freaking arboretum on the grounds, so I did want to go, but felt I really shouldn't to protect my sobriety. She was not understanding.

Funnily enough, she's now in AA and over 1 year sober, and I've barely drawn a sober breath in 2.5 years.

Stick to your guns my friend, that's all I can say. Stick to your guns, and keep on keeping on!

Then again, looking back ... this pic is just moments before I messed up. How was I supposed tell my wife, no, you go alone to the La Jolla Cliffside Wedding, I can't handle it and if your pissed off, then sorry? I WANTED to go, and stay sober. But I failed. And it was a couple years before I was sober again.

Stuart G

(38,726 posts)
10. DON'T GIVE UP ...Hugh....DON'T EVER GIVE UP...............and........
Wed Aug 2, 2023, 02:33 PM
Aug 2023
If it were...EASY....it would be....EASY!!!!
 

Chainfire

(17,757 posts)
5. There will come a time that is does not phase you to be around people drinking.
Thu Jul 6, 2023, 04:10 PM
Jul 2023

I quit nearly 20 years ago and I don't do parties. I don't mind being around people drinking, but I can't stand to be around the drunks. Parties that revolve around drinking will usually produce a few obnoxious drunks.

BWdem4life

(2,466 posts)
8. The answer to most questions
Fri Jul 7, 2023, 01:50 AM
Jul 2023

are printed on the AA coins:

"To thine own self be true."

Be truthful with yourself about your reason(s) for either wanting to go, or not wanting to go. Make sure the reason is valid (self-reflection, self-evaluation, ask another person or two for their opinion).

Then do whatever it takes to stay sober. Be considerate to your wife - let her know you understand how she feels and that you'll stay open to the possibility of participating in things she likes to do when you feel ready. But there can't be a specific timetable, it's different for everyone.

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