I'm taking a deep breath and asking for help to face my fears

[Siwsan]

My only sister is fighting her 4th battle with cancer. Started as breast cancer about 15 years ago and she was free and clear until November 2010. She had another mastectomy and did chemo. Everything seemed ok. Then it showed up in a lymph node in her neck. More chemo, radiation and all was going well until recently when it is now in her brain, in the myelin.

They've had to pause the radiation, to let her blood count recover. She's on an oral chemo.

I talked to her today and she broke down, telling me that she doesn't think she will survive this round. I did my best to pep talk her and she seemed better, by the end of the conversation. But I am terrified of losing my best friend.

Chris is just 54, with a wonderful husband and 3 great kids. I feel guilty as hell because she has so much more to live for. I don't even know what I'm asking for - maybe just input from others in a similar situation.

Anyway, thanks for letting me ramble. This has just been a really, really rough day.

[ZombieHorde]

1. I am not very good at this, but I can offer a cyber hug...

I know it is not much of anything, but it is all I have. I wish your sister health, and I wish you and her family peace.

[Siwsan]

2. Thank you, from the bottom of my heart

I lost my father to brain cancer, too, so this is just a huge, horrible flashback.

[man4allcats]

3. Hang tough, my friend, because

neither you nor your sister know how this will end. Yes, it could end badly, but it also may not. Today's medicine has a lot in its bag of tricks, and it's often enough to defeat those things that once would have killed us. It is a scary process - no doubt about it, but the battle won't be won by letting fear take control. Perhaps more importantly, don't let the battle become all there is to life. All of us, whether we're sick or not, live with the imminent possibility of death everyday of our lives. Whether you're lying in bed asleep or stepping out of bed in the morning and headed to the shower, it can happen to anyone of us at anytime, and sooner or later it will. Just don't let it rule you in the meantime. Hopefully your sister will beat this, but if she doesn't, know at least that there will come a time of peace when she's able to accept it, and if it comes to that, that in itself is a blessing. Sometimes the hardest thing is for those left behind to find that same peace, but that too will come eventually for those who are faced with that outcome. For now though, neither you nor your sister should think about that. You should both think about life and live it while you can because both of you, like all of us, will leave it soon enough. No point in rushing the process. Best wishes to you both. My thoughts are with you.

[Siwsan]

4. I'm doing my best to be optimistic

I am doing a lot of rationalizing - wondering if she's emotional and discouraged because she's worn down by the radiation treatments and steroids. Up until now, her attitude has been amazing so hearing her break down was really hard to hear.

I told her pretty much what you wrote - none of us have any assurance we will be here, tomorrow. And that there's no reason to give up hope. Her sons are coming home, this weekend, and I think having all of her kids around her will do amazing things for her spirits. Saturday is my birthday so we will probably all get together and talk about anything BUT cancer. I intend to make her laugh, alot.

Thanks so much for your support, encouragement and wisedom. It really means the world to know that I have such good people in my life, like the great people here on DU, even if it is just through cyber space!

[man4allcats]

5. I'm sure the drugs and treatments are enough to wear anyone down.

PM me anytime if you want. I'm not a shrink, but I have broad shoulders when it comes to problems.

[Siwsan]

6. Thanks

And Sophie, my little tuxedo cat, says thanks, too. At least I think that's what she's purring.

[tavalon]

15. Don't disregard, no matter how hard it may be to hear, that she may be

telling you her truth. That she trusts you with such important information says loads about you and about the relationship you have. Laughter is so important but so is truth. Please don't let the important and truthful parts slip away unnoticed. Honor them with the reverence they deserve even if they scare you shitless. I have a lot of current experience with scared shitless. I just hope that I have the guts to recognize the nuggets of gold. The real stuff, you know.

My husband is so scared right now, tharn, really ( watership down) that I'm grateful when we have a light moment, one that isn't predicated on the possibly of this being the last time we.............

[Irishonly]

7. We will be here for you

The chemo and radiation are like going to Hades and back every time you have a treatment. You get through it by taking one baby step at a time and learning how to breath with a sledge hammer attacking your stomach. You and your sister know this and I am so sorry she is going through it again. When I light my candles I will think of Chris and of you also.

[jumptheshadow]

8. You have our support

I'm sorry you're sister is sick again. Betty88 and I offer our support. Even though we're strangers, we'll be here for you.

[Siwsan]

10. The longer I'm on DU, the less the people here seem like strangers

I'm so glad I was guided to this forum.

[sinkingfeeling]

9. I'm very sorry that your sister is facing this. I don't have any words of

wisdom, but we're here for you. Do you know what type of cancer has affected her myelin?

[Siwsan]

11. I'm not sure, but her breast cancer is an 'estrogen reception' type of cancer

The really strange thing is, there is no history of breast cancer on either side of the family. Two female relatives (grandmother and aunt) ended up with uterine cancer after their doctors put them on HRT, far later in life than should ever have happened (my grandmother was in her 80's, my aunt in her 60's when their doctors put them on Premarin). The cancer my sister has was tested as having no genetic indicators. At least that's what they told her.

She was exposed to a really, really bad black mold situation where she works and more was discovered in the attic at her house. I can't help but wonder if that exposure compromised her immune system to the point where the earlier cancer (which they now think was never fully eradicated) found the opportunity to take off, again.

[Irishonly]

12. My cousin and I were diagnosed with breast cancer within a year

We were the first. Uterine cancer runs in my family. My great grandmother and grandmother died from it. My mother and and aunt had it and survived. One of my cousins caught it early but because of the family history went through full treatment. My cousin and I were shocked about out diagnosis. It still doesn't make sense. I live on the west coast, my cousin the east coast. We both were teachers for many years.

I would ask her doctor about the mold. How is she doing?

[dmr]

13. I've stage IV breast cancer

The cancer in my body is in all kinds of nooks & crannies. I'm on the daily oral medication, & my last scan showed the oral meds are shrinking the tumors. I had a fast growing breast tumor that was the size of a baseball & too dangerous to surgically remove - my cancer drug has stopped it's growth & is not as huge, it has also halted the cancer growths in other parts of my body.

I was diagnosed last autumn. I will never be cured. My oncologist has patients who've been on this medication for more than 5 years & they are still doing fine.

The worse are the drug's side effects. The cancer invaded my bones, & I have bone pain. I'm trying my best to deal with it. But I'll suffer the side effects if it's what keeps me alive & kickin'.

I'm suppose to start a series of infusions to help my bones. I'm still not too clear on how or what this will do. I have many questions to ask my oncologist.

I'm hoping your friend's meds are doing her well.

[geckosfeet]

14. I am sorry to hear of your sisters illness. As you know - it is very difficult

for everyone but especially for your sister.

She knows her body and and how it feels better than anyone. That has to be respected. The side effects of chemo and radiation can wear anyone down. As others have suggested, it may be beneficial for your sister to see a therapist or join a support group. Cancer patients know that death is sometimes part of having the disease.

My wife died in her mid forties from cancer. In her case death was a relief from the pain and indignities dealt by her cancer. That was nine years ago, and I recently had my own diagnosis and treatment. I am hoping that when I go back for a check up in two months that nothing new has developed. But at this point I want to live every day and enjoy life for what it is. That is hard while you are going through treatment and it is easy to get depressed or just down. I know I became somewhat depressed and frightened.

Your sister does need support and encouragement, and I think that being with people who have had or are having similar experiences is important. Having cancer is one of those life altering experiences that can cause you to reconsider your core beliefs and assumptions about life the universe and everything.

[tavalon]

16. Cancer is just as you described it

My whole life is up for review. So much unnecessary, so much missed, so much still to be experienced. So little time that is flowing like molasses on a cold day. It feels like my whole life suddenly got swallowed up in amber.