Does the fear ever stop?

[unreadierLizard]

One of my best friends was just diagnosed with Ovarian Cancer just last month. She's only 20 years old and it caught her completely by surprise. As it did with me.

Now, the good news is that her cancer is only stage 1C - which if I understand it, is confined to the ovary itself still. So, her odds are much better then they could be. Even so, I can't help but find my thoughts wandering to her and hoping she is alright. She's busy a lot with her husband before he heads to Afghanistan(he's in the Navy) and thus, we haven't talked very much.

I know this is probably a stupid question, but my question is - why can't I stop being afraid? I know that she'll probably pull through but it's still hard for me to accept that she will be.

Thank you in advance.

[YvonneCa]

1. Your friend is lucky to have...

...such a caring person in her life.

Fear is pretty normal whenever there is a cancer diagnosis...even at stage 1. I had stage 1 breast cancer and while my prognosis is good and I am very grateful to be stage 1, sometimes the fear still pops in.

The best antidote I have found is knowledge. As a friend, I hope you will educate yourself (as it seems you are doing) about your friend's situation, and then just be there to listen and support her. Remember that fear is normal, but it is also a choice. Push through the fear to enjoy each day. None of us knows what the future holds.

[unreadierLizard]

2. Thank you for your post. It does help :) n/t

[YvonneCa]

3. You are welcome. Good luck to you and...

...your friend. Let us know how things go...this group is a great support system.

[sinkingfeeling]

4. It is completely normal to be afraid. Some people are so afraid they

can't even say the word 'cancer'. The fear lies in the unknown future of everybody who gets any type of cancer. Although the tumor may be eliminated, there can be recurrences and side effects from the treatment.

Since your friend's husband is in the Navy, she will have excellent care. Just be there for her.

[Irishonly]

5. Fear is very normal with a cancer diagnosis

She is lucky to have you and I know you will be a great help to her. If I can make a suggestion -tell your friend not to see the oncologist alone. Two sets of ears are better than one and between your friend and her companion she will have a better idea of what the doctor said. When I was in treatment I found myself paying more attention to the negative but my husband would hear the positive.

[norhdral]

6. Fever

Is there any other way to stop the fever?

[Irishonly]

7. I am not sure what you mean about by the fever

Even after 13 years I still hold my breath when I any kind of cancer screening tests. I had breast cancer and uterine cancer runs in my family. I am not sure I breathe freely until the results come in. For me, the thought of cancer isn't the first thought in my mind but it is always there.

[tavalon]

8. The fear changes and morphs but no, that fear never really takes a hike

Would that it would. I find brief respite at work when I have a really sick baby who needs all of my attention. And the two minutes after the wake up alarm has gone off but before the waves crash over me.

It's not surprising that you are afraid, but if it seems out of proportion to what your friend is going through, you could be grieving something else at the same time. Grief, if stuffed, can piggyback onto all sorts of things. I grieved my mother's death (from 30 years prior) as I was losing a relationship with a man who reminded me of my mother's nurturent way.