So when do I get over feeling like it was my fault....

[a kennedy]

Last edited Tue Jul 13, 2021, 07:55 PM - Edit history (1)

My husband has 3 health problems…….can’t poop on a regular basis, pees 4 times a night and has lost 10 pounds in the last two months. Had bowel surgery to remove a polip because it was long and flat. The doctor told me they cut the bowel in half to remove it and my husband hasn’t had a normal BM since, that was in 2018. He’s 75 now, and has been peeing like 4 times a night, like every 2 hours, and now eats like a baby…….HE WEIGHS 121 pounds……..121 pounds!!!!!!!!! So the RN in the emergency unit, (we were there because my husband couldn’t expel what was in his bowel), says to me, this is bad……..his weight loss is not normal. I DON’T KNOW WHAT TO DO. Have an appointment with his PCP on Tuesday to determine what to do next…….all I do is cry.

[vanlassie]

1. Question. What would be your fault?

[a kennedy]

4. Because I didn't do enough to make it better for him.......

[elleng]

5. Sounds like nothing you COULD do, unless reason to think his docs not competent;

seems that docs etc have done what they could.

Its NOT on you.

[vanlassie]

6. You did what you reasonably could? Given the fact that you are

simply one human being? None of us are perfect, but you have struggled to respond the best you could? First, you are having a belief- not a feeling. You are at some level believing you could have done dramatically more- is this true? (I bet not). You are not omnipotent, right? WHAT IS, IN FACT, TRUE about this situation? Verifiably?

[a kennedy]

8. Thank you..... I just can't believe this is where we are now......his bowel, his prostate and his weight.

gonna find out our path ahead……..all I do is cry, he’s not the man he was 40 years ago when we married…..I’m not the woman either. It’s just dawning on me now that we’re OLD and health IS THE ONLY REASON WE’RE NOT AS WE WERE 40 YEARS AGO.

[Walleye]

2. Hard to hang onto your sanity in this situation. Wish you the very best of luck

[multigraincracker]

3. Sounds like you are doing your best.

I can tell you as someone who has watched a love one suffer, it's not your fault. After dad passed, the doctor explained to me, there was nothing more I could have done. That really helped me. Hope this helps you.

[questionseverything]

7. Try merilax for the bm prob

Stop blaming your self, as we get older, things change, do your best, that’s all anyone can do

[XanaDUer2]

9. Sounds like you're doing what you can

[Croney]

10. Eating like a baby would be the reason for losing 10 lbs.,

wouldn't it? If he weighs 221, losing weight might be a good thing, unless he's very tall. Good luck with the PCP on Tuesday and let us know what happens.

[a kennedy]

11. I made a mistake, he weighs 121 pounds........

He’s scheduled for ANOTHER MRI on his stomach area.