I'm just trying to attach some electrodes to this anger...
... so I can channel all that negative energy into positive stuff.
Good Lord give me adequate bridge rectifiers.
It's not going all that well for me, I'm burning badly, but I'm still optimistic.
No worries, absurd stuff. I'm not going to run away and revert to my feral state as a dumpster diving for food crazy homeless guy.
I guess it was my good fortune, or bad fortune, to have experienced worse when I was young.
Nobody is bleeding out in my bathtub.
But please, universe, it seems the most intense dramas come to those who are most trying to avoid them. How the fuck bloody hell did I grow up to be a semi-responsible adult?
Seems like just yesterday I was a worthless human being living in my broken down car in a church parking lot.
At my core I'm still that guy. Beyond that I'm an impostor.
= new reply since forum marked as read
I'm glad you have this safe space to vent into.
I'm pretty sure you're not a worthless human being. We all have moments like that. Sometimes I feel like an imposter too.
Any long-term member here on DU has at least some redeeming qualities. You certainly have potential for good inside you.
Be good to yourself!
spotted this before I logged out for the evening.
I hope I can help.
You are NOT an imposter. Having had terrible experiences does not invalidate the good ones and all that you've accomplished.
All of us have countless good and bad experiences, and while we can't change our history, we can change what we focus on. You should celebrate what you've accomplished, not question or negate it.
Remember these lines from Walt Whitman:
Do I contradict myself?
Very well then I contradict myself,
(I am large, I contain multitudes.)
We all contain multitudes.
Including strengths to counter the weaknesses.
From what I know of you from here on DU, you have those strengths. You have a strong family you've made stronger. You have every reason to be proud.
We haven't always agreed on this board, but I'm very glad I've met you.
Sending hugs. 
See my post above.
I mean, I was in my mid thirties, which seems really young now, but in reality, that is not so young. Just do what you can and know you have people who appreciate and care here. Also, bear one thing in mind. It seemed that survival and being responsible were different things when we were young. Now, we understand that they are the same thing. It is just that these days our survival requires more than it used to. 