OK, so the house was sold yesterday.

[no_hypocrisy]

I'm more OK than I thought I would be.

But the day ended with my sister un-inviting me to her home for an upcoming visit with our brother. It would have been the first time we've been together since 2014, nine years.

My transgression: I'm "woke" (so to speak) concerning our dysfunctional family.

Please follow me. I posted in FB about selling my childhood home yesterday. My loyal cousin wished me, by commenting that he hoped that I could walk away from the "malignant" family memories. My sister read it, took umbrage, and demanded that I tell our cousin to delete it. I refused, partially because it's true and partially because I don't censor anyone who posts on my page. (BTW, it wasn't a public page, just my FB friends.) And she un-invited me and called our brother to tell him.

OK, I didn't lose sleep over it, but it wasn't the ideal way to end yesterday under the circumstances.

My sister is a bit of a narcissist* and can only see how I've besmirched the family's reputation, IOW, keeping up an illusion. The parents are dead; nobody cares that we're not a perfect family.

She thinks she's hurting me. I'm not engaging with her.


* This is the same person 30 years ago, who insisted that I go to an appointment for a fitting for a bridesmaid dress on the day before my last exam for law school. I refused and told her why. She got on the horn to our father, who in turn called me to yell at me for saying "no" to the dress fitting. Which made no sense as graduating law school was not a given and you'd think he'd want to see his investment paid off. I took the exam, graduated, had the fitting, etc. The same person also was morose at my graduation from law school until the family focused on her and her wedding (in five months). This is a trivial story compared to what I could tell you.

[niyad]

1. huggggs. please take good care of yourself.

[mercuryblues]

2. Take care of you 1st,

Call your brother and see if he wants to meet you for lunch. Be bright, cheerful and funny. IOW never mention your sister other than wishing her the best. That will drive her crazy.

[badhair77]

5. Meeting up with your brother without the sister

sounds like a good idea. Good luck.

[ProudMNDemocrat]

3. I have a sister similar to yours....

Mine wants nothing to do with me over a sibling, our brother, whom she took in in 2016 despite my husband's warning NOT to do so after his months long hospitalization. Long story short, in 2017 when I last saw her, she blamed us for not having more control over him while he was in her care because she and her middle daughter were stealing his pain meds to feed their addictions to them. She has not spoken to me since 2017, nor answering my letters.

She did respond in early 2019 saying that she was not interested in having a relationship with me due to that matter of our brother. Now I hear through another source he is gravely ill with Pancreatic cancer. Dysfunction runs in families. Mine was not immune.

Hugs to you. You are not alone. Being "Woke" is just an excuse for more underlying issues.

[badhair77]

4. My gosh, you have things to deal with,

but it sounds as if you have a good attitude. Also sounds like you have a good cousin. Wishing you the best.

[MLAA]

6. On the other hand, your sister finally did you a favor! She uninvited you to her home.

If your brother is a decent human and treats you well, you could reach out to him. If he is more like your sister, count yourself doubly lucky and stick to friends and other family that treats you well like you deserve 💕💗💗💗.

[UpInArms]

7. You have done well, dear no_hypocrisy

Bio-family is or can be difficult … take care of you

[AllaN01Bear]

8. be good to your self first and foremost.

[Trueblue Texan]

9. For one thing...

...it sounds like your sister is jealous, extremely manipulative, and yeah, probably a narcissist. I had a similar relationship with my sister, who is dead now. For years, after I decided I didn't have to take her abuse anymore, we fought like the Israelis and Palestinians. I mostly tried to avoid her. About a year or so before she died she made me promise that if anything ever happened to her and she died, that I wouldn't come to her funeral. I guess she was trying to make me feel guilty. Instead I told her that would not be a problem. Inside I thought, "Halle-effin-lullah!" It must sound strange to people who have better relationships with their siblings, but I do not miss her one iota. Healthy people don't miss their abusers, yanno?

Anyway, good for you that you can walk away from the relationship. I promise you, your life will be easier and more peaceful--just be careful you don't attract similar relationships to replace the familiar. That can happen.

Take care.

[Biophilic]

10. Good grief, families are such a trip - often unpleasant if not bad.

On my sister's 40th birthday our parents spent the dinner arguing over who's contraceptive failed. Good gravy. Seems like you've got the right attitude to take care of yourself.

[LoisB]

11. It seems to me that you have got the right attitude. Best to not engage with toxic people, you

end up being poisoned. I know from experience with my own "family".

[flying_wahini]

12. Her loss. She will figure it out eventually.

The world doesn’t revolve around her opinions.

[TeamProg]

13. We can pick our friends, but not our family. I'm not sure I would be friends with my siblings if

we were not family even though we are all liberals.

Sure, I love them having known them my entire life, but different ages, interests, hobbies, lifestyles..

[OldBaldy1701E]

18. You just said what I always say about my mother.

I love my mother. But, I don't like her. And, I am pretty sure the feeling is mutual. As stated, if it were not for the familial connection, I would not give most of my family the time of day. And understand... this is their choice. All they had to do is be civil and non-judgemental. Alas, that proved to be beyond their abilities.

[Joinfortmill]

14. I hear you. I have a few stories of my own. Just live your best life, it's the only one you have.

[Warpy]

15. I could tell you about my wacky family, might give you a laugh

but the problem is that they were so far out there, nobody ever really believes any of the stories.

It sounds like you've hit the nail on the head, your sister has strong narcissistic tendencies if she's not the full blown personality disorder. Next time this happens (and it will, you know it will), just say "I didn't write that, tell (whosis) to delete the post." The drop kick is the most satisfying strategy.

Your sister has a hard life pretending she's an ideal person from an ideal family and should be admired for that. It must be absolutely exhausting. Don't worry, you'll be back, she needs the admiration for a united and happy family.

In the meantime, come sit by me and listen to some of my stories. You'll be entertained even if you don't believe them.

[iluvtennis]

16. Hugs to you @no_hypocrisy.

[Skittles]

17. I very often think family is very overrated

you make a good decision "not engaging her" - yes indeed