I am very mad. On Sunday, I ordered a teddy bear, balloons and chocolates for my sister who has

[debm55]

cancer. I called today to see if it arrived. Big mistake. Since my mother now answers all calls, I told here what I ordered for Diane. I told her I wanted it to be a surprise. I would call back later as they were going to the store. I asked my mom if the packaged arrived it didn't. Checked my phone and it was delayed. However, it will no longer be a surprise as my mother told my sister what I got her. Will not tell my husband as no cards, calls, or flowers were sent from my family to my husband when his parents died. I can't say that I am in shock as she did not send me a card, visit me or send flowers when I had my skull operated on . Nothing.Her answer was "why did you tell me. " and on and on about what a selfish person I am.

[Eko]

1. You are not responsible for what others do.

If your mom ruined it then its on your mom. Now that you know she cant be trusted to keep something like that a secret then its on you next time if you tell her. You did a good thing, take responsibility for that. Mom did a bad thing, don't take responsibility for that. Be happy you did a good thing.
Eko.

[debm55]

3. Thank you, Eko. My family has a habit of not consoling, helping anyone in the extended family then

they wonder why no one is there for them, What is really hard is they went to a Holocaust denier's funeral. He and his family used to live next to my family. They sent flowers and a card to the two adult children. My husband was treated like shit when his parents died.And he does everything for them.

[Eko]

6. I'm sure there are worse out there

But mine was pretty bad also. Some people are like that. I think that's the best thing I can say about that. It hurt me bad for so long. Now I just take responsibility for what I do, good and bad. I don't let other peoples actions including my family affect my emotions. What other people do is what they do, it's what I do that counts for me. I still love my family tons, but I figured out a while ago that they like to use my caring to control me. They would manipulate my emotions to get what they wanted or to hurt me. Like I said some people are like that. As far as my emotions now they are mine and I protect them like the treasure they are. Cant say it's the way but it is a way.
Eko.

p.s. Sorry they treat you that way and I hope things get better for you. Prob should have led with that. But I will leave you with the best thing I think I can say.
Keep on Keeponing.

[debm55]

8. I was physically, sexually (by my grandmother) told by father with a hunting rifle in his hand that

would blow my head off, called by my psychotic brother that I was a pimple face whore., black eyes, missing teeth-you get the jest. I feel for my sister who endured much of the same, I lef she didn't.t

[Eko]

9. I feel for both you and your sister.

And I'm glad you left. I think Deuxcents said it well when they said put a little bit more of all that love you have in your basket.
Added, and to back off slowly.

[madaboutharry]

2. You tried to do a kind and loving thing.

That is all that matters. Hopefully, your sister would think so too.
You’re not responsible for other people’s lack of respect. That’s all on your mom.

Hugs.

[debm55]

4. Thank you madaboutharry. My sister got a card from my husband's sister. My sister got the card on

Friday. We only found out about it today. Mother was upset that I told SIL.My sister continues to work as a nurses aid at a nursing home. I advised her to wear a mask as her system is compromised. Told do you know what it's like to wear a mask. Also advised my sister to get a counselor that would explain everything to here-one who is trained and can help. She tells my mother, mother calls me up and calls me every name in the book--who best to help their child but the mother bullshit.

[Marcus IM]

5. My mother used to do stuff like that too. I learned to minimize the personal info exchanges.

My siblings would confide serious and deeply personal things to my mother, only to have her tell the other children. I warned them. They didn't learn. I know things about them that I NEVER wanted to know and I'm sure they didn't want me to know.

As others have said. You own what you did, and that was kindness. Don't take involuntarily ownership of other people's issues and bad traits.

All the best to you.
Big hug.

[Deuxcents]

7. All good advice here, dem.

Maybe it’s time to back off slowly from all the drama and put a little bit more of all that love you have in your basket. 🌺

[irisblue]

10. I am so sorry deb.