I hope someone here can advise me

[cyclonefence]

I have a dear friend (from college, and we're in our 70's now) who has bipolar disorder. She is medicated, with varying results.

During some two-three week periods she calls me maybe three times a day, usually when I'm not able to answer. When I call her back (which I do, every time), she begins talking very rapidly, skipping from topic to topic. Some of what she says is highly unlikely, involving celebrities she met who asked her out to lunch and refused to let her pay "because I make lots more money than you." Some of what she says is untrue, some of it is based on things we've both read about in the paper.

I do not challenge anything she says, just saying "wow" or "that's amazing" at the appropriate times.

I would not have a question except that telling me all this stuff--it takes half an hour to forty-five minutes every time--seems to calm her down. Then I tell her I love her and hope she has a good night's sleep.

She doesn't live close enough to visit, and I think these phone calls are kind of a life-line, but I'm not sure. Am I doing the right thing, essentially encouraging her to engage in these fantasies (hell, some of them might be true, for all I know), or is that somehow feeding her mania? As I say, listening to her sympathetically does calm her down, but is it the right thing to do?

Advice would be appreciated if anyone has an idea of what I should be doing. Thanks.

[onecaliberal]

1. I don't know but I love your heart and kindness for her.

[BigmanPigman]

2. Has she been doing this since you've known her

or is this a new thing? I've screened my calls since 1984 and it has saved me from many conversations that I frankly didn't have time for. On the other hand, I know I did that myself to my friends for years and years when I suffered from severe anxiety and was often very, very hyper. My friends tried to hang up after listening to me rant for 45 minutes but I would go on and on and on. I feel sorry for them in retrospect.

[cyclonefence]

5. This began (with me) a few years ago

but I don't know how long she's been calling other friends. My problem isn't that I'm bugged or inconvenienced by talking to her; it's that I worry I'm contributing to her mania by not telling her what she's saying isn't true. Another friend told her she was lying, and it hurt her very much, to no good purpose I could see. Another friend's wife told her he had died (he hadn't) because he didn't know what to say to her.

I'm not a therapist and I don't have any delusion that whether I let her tell me these stories (they involve Beverly Sills, E.L. Doctorow, Keith Richards and John Lithgow, to name a few) is going to make her condition better or worse. I'm just worried that it doesn't help her to feel that someone believes her, that she's clinging to my "belief" to keep these stories true in her mind.

I do love her and wish I could help. A very close mutual friend (my maid of honor) committed suicide at age 28, and my friend's father also killed himself. She has assured me she would never harm herself, but I worry.

[MOMFUDSKI]

3. Sounds like she is in the manic phase when

she calls. Just listen to her. You are being the best friend she probably has.

[cyclonefence]

6. Thank you

I think you're right.

[Ziggysmom]

4. Many years ago I was involved with NAMI, they suggest not confronting or arguing with

a person having a manic episode. I had a friend who frequently went off meds, and their support helped me a lot.

https://helplinefaqs.nami.org/article/285-how-can-i-help-my-loved-one-during-a-manic-episode

[cyclonefence]

7. Thank you

NAMI was a great suggestion (I have actually fund-raised for them--why didn't I think of them?!), and their page on how to help a friend with the manic phase of bipolar II was really helpful.