I feel invisible Update 2

[XanaDUer2]

Last edited Thu Dec 28, 2023, 11:58 AM - Edit history (2)

Sent another PM saying I loved them both, maybe we could visit. Nothing. I'm not PMing anymore






relative in NY reached out to me and my cousin by messenger. Me, being the pathetic puppy dog I am, I'm thrilled and wrote up this nice response. My cousin did the same.

Guess what? He just responded to her (I haven't seen this cousin in decades and growing up I thought he was the coolest). And ignored my response. Of course. I'm beginning to wonder if something is wrong with me. Like, nice response to her (which is good) me, crickets. I'm not tesponding again. I'm not in a good mental space and don't need this shit. Like, DU is the only responsive place I have. Thank you all

I PMd them both saying I loved them and saying. I'd. Love to visit. I'm not reaching out if no response

[AKwannabe]

1. Try not to take it personal

Tho hard. Possibly this person got delayed or is writing an equally long response and hasn’t finished…

[XanaDUer2]

2. TY

Could be, but I doubt it. He sent a short video of his grandson. I was oh how cute, I wish we could visit each other. Guess that was the kiss of death for me

[IbogaProject]

15. Sometimes things don't go quickly over in Meta land

I'd just ignore it and wait and see what happens, if they wan't to reach out they will contact you again.

[sheshe2]

3. I am sorry, Zana.

Don't let it get you down.
Take care of you and Happy New Year to you and yours.

[Maraya1969]

4. He wrote to you initially right? So he must respect your friendship.

Has he not seen her in decades either? Maybe he wrote back to her initially because of that.

Either way try not to get upset because you really have no idea what happened here. "Excuse them rather than accuse them for the sake of your mental health"

[Tesha]

5. It's almost worse

because you don't know, and you really don't want to know if it's negative.

Perhaps it's time to set the worry aside and just keep chatting, you never know what others are going though - just like us.
Right?

[XanaDUer2]

10. Maybe I'll say something

In a few days. Then its worse when there's silence

[FakeNoose]

6. Perhaps a phone call might be a little more personal?

I can't understand when someone uses messenger, but maybe that's just me.

[LoisB]

7. Maybe he thought it was a group and the one response went to the both of you???

If not, resend your initial response and see what happens. If no personal response then, don't worry about it...DU will respond.

[XanaDUer2]

9. It was a group PM

It was obvious it was I and she. To make me feel shittier, the cousin he responded to drives to visit me when there's a friend of hers to visit. I'm kinda the third wheel afterthought. Not having a good day. Anyway, she'll visit but we'll be meeting her friend Holly.

[LoisB]

19. Well, you are most definitely not a "third wheel afterthought" here.

Chin up and think of yourself as the star that you are.

[XanaDUer2]

20. Awww, ty!

[LiberalLoner]

8. I'm so sorry. It's very hurtful to be slighted by your family.

It’s absolutely true that in many (most?) families, there is someone who is the designated punching bag, and the family agrees it is a good thing and absolutely right to abuse that victim, over and over, for decades.

I was the designated punching bag for my extended family, and my only chance for happiness was going no contact with all of them.

If you are the one who always gets mistreated by your extended family, you don’t deserve it…and it’s okay to walk away from continued abuse.

[Ocelot II]

11. Maybe you could plead technological incompetence and ask them to re-send the message

because you accidentally deleted it and need to be reminded of something that was in it? You said you didn't want to respond again, but you could determine if something's off?

I understand that being ignored sucks, though. I didn't get any communication from any of my relatives - not even siblings - on Christmas. Not a phone call, not an email, nada. I don't think my nieces and their kids could even pick me out of a lineup. It's probably my fault for not trying harder at my end. But it sucks anyhow.

[Scrivener7]

12. I just read your edit. Well done. You did the right thing. If they do right in return, that's great. If they don't,

you STILL did right.

[XanaDUer2]

13. Thanks

[live love laugh]

14. If it's to be it will be... hands off.

[MyMission]

16. Sending you a big hug

DU is a responsive place, you're right.

I'm reminded of a famous quote, the opening of Leo Tolstoy's novel Anna Karenina: "All happy families are alike; each unhappy family is unhappy in its own way."

Saying nothing about my own unhappy family at the moment.
Sending you another big hug.

[XanaDUer2]

17. Hug back

[Warpy]

18. Well, you're not any worse off than you were before he contacted you

so you haven't lost anything but the fantasy of a reunion with a relative who's ghosted you for decades.

If he gets around to contacting you now that the holidays are winding down, that's great. If not, that's OK, too, you've still got the cousin he did respond to. You'll get a report.

You might not be in the best head space right now, but you're not the one with something essentially wrong. with you. Let go of the fantasy, those never work out, anyway, people are too complicated. Just take it as it comes, if it comes. If you do meet again and he's not who you remember, try to remember you're not the hero worshiping kid any more, either.

Don't take this personally, it's most likely not personal, at all.

[Ziggysmom]

21. So sorry you feel slighted. I gave up contact with my extended family over 20 years ago. Im

an only child, have just one daughter. Most of my cousins are magats or racist pricks, so I'm better off alone. I avoid confrontation with stupid people, even family, because it's a waste of time. Your story is puzzling; why would someone contact you, only to ghost you after you reply? Please don't go thinking something is wrong with you! You were sweet and kind by replying to his message.

In my mind, if someone does not reply to me without a good reason and is ghosting me, it makes me see them in a clear manner for who they really are. Not replying to someone is evidence of emotional and situational cowards. It is easier to blow someone off than to do introspection. I hope your cousin is not one of these people and answers you.

Hugs!