have u ever convinced someone to get help?
or has anyone ever convinced u?
here’s the sitch. i’m in love a a man who is absolutely a borderline. he knows he’s ‘crazy’. he’s mused out loud several times that many ppl think that, but he doesnt, maybe, sorta. he loves me in that borderline way. said the words. he thinks he rly knows himself, but completely blames his freakouts on others.
i’ve known him for 4 yrs now. he was my weed guy. we had a warm friendship, w hugs and endearments from day 1. we almost got together 2 yrs ago, and it exploded on take off. i didnt take it well. turned myself inside out trying to get through to him. didnt speak for over a yr. he unfriended me on fb, but we have a lot of mutuals. a few mos ago, he reacted to a couple posts, so i reached out. we chatted a little.
then nye he texted me. i had posted that i wanted to reconnect w old friends for ny. he didnt react to that, but msgd me that he needed to move some weed and wd give me a great deal. i would’ve taken as it as just trying to get a good customer back, but yeah nye. several texts over the course of the evening. i said yes, then it took him 2 days to show up. we had a lovely evening. talked, listened to music, even sang a little.
i knew he was gonna make a pass. i was determined not to catch the 1st pass. when he got up to leave, he kissed me ‘goodbye’. then turned into an octopus. lol.
i told him next time i wd say yes, but i srsly wanted him to think it over. he said he had.
then, for the next 5 days, we kicked around when. it was always something. we talked on the phone for an hour and a half on saturday. sunday morning i sent him a sexy text and the shit hit the fan. i’m ‘pushing’ him. no honey, i’m just tryin to pull u.
i’m not sure y it is that when we actually talk it’s 1 thing, but texts get twisted into threats to his person and sanity. tried to get him to just pick up the phone. he blocked me on fb, and blocked my number.
it’s not me. he’s pulled this same shit w other women i know. it honestly hurts my heart. he’s as thirsty for love as anyone i’ve ever known. yet he does this to himself and can.not.see.it.
he had a traumatic life. dad was a drunk, etc, etc. been to jail. did too many drugs. i accept all that. i’m not the sanest person on the planet. i can b hard to take.
he’s a musician and he has a regular gig in the hood. i know it’s no use tracking him down and talking to him. he’ll prolly threaten to call the cops, tho he wont. he’ll lose his shit.
but if i thought it cd shine a teeny tiny light for him, maybe it starts something.
whether we ever get together is irrelevant. i love him as a friend. i want him to find love. it’s probably not me anyway. he’s much younger. but i feel like i have to at least try to throw him a rope.
so i’m just wondering if anyone here has been through this and come out on the other side. cuz i’d kill for a clue here.
and yes, i know this is all bad for my sanity. but if i’m anything, i’m a rescuer. i’ve have given exactly zero grounds to distrust me, but i dont think he has the gear for trust.
i also know that it’s notoriously hard to treat borderlines, so telling him ‘get help’ is just useless to the point of cruel. he’s a powder keg. but i’d take the blast if it cleared the smoke for him.
yes, i am ‘crazy’ too.
= new reply since forum marked as read
It's genuinely kind of you to want to help this guy...but this is a losing proposition.
I'm sorry if you have fallen in love with him.
You can't commit him (to care), and he doesn't love you, so you have no power over him...
Find a whole man..not this guy.
HTH
Yes, that's a cliché, but that's only because it's so doggoned true. Another way to put it that I think is applicable to this situation: you can throw a drowning person a life preserver, but you can't convince them to reach out and grab it.
I understand the urge to rescue all too well, but some people just. Will. Not. Allow. Themselves. To. Be. Rescued. No matter how desperately you want to rescue someone, it may simply not be in your power.
If this guy does have borderline personality disorder (and it sure sounds likely), I'm afraid the chances of your being able to convince him to get help are vanishingly small. I really wish I had some brilliant advice on how to get this guy to understand what he needs to do, but I just don't. I am so sorry. 