Your dental care and what you spend on it are none of her damned business. She's just pissed off because she can't get the money out of you that she wants - money that she has absolutely no right to demand from you.
If she is used to being able to get you to do what she wants, she needs to learn to stop expecting that. It may take some time, and the process may not be pleasant (sorry! ), but I think that's what needs to happen.
If she tries to keep bringing this up (i.e. the cost of your dental care, her financial situation and desire to get money from you, etc.), shut her down by saying, "I've said everything I have to say about this, and I'm not going to discuss it any further." If she tries to persist, end the interaction. If this is happening during a phone call, hang up. If it's face to face, leave. If it's in a text, don't reply.
You do NOT owe it to her to take care of her financial problems. She hs NO right to expect that from you. Please don't waste your breath arguing with her or trying to get her to see things your way, because you will never succeed. All you can do is make it clear that you are not going to discuss this any further, and then cut off the interaction if she doesn't stop when you tell her you're done.
I'm sure she won't like it at all, but that's OKAY. Any time you try to draw a new boundary with someone, they are likely to object. Don't be afraid to upset her. SHE is in the wrong, and frankly, I think she deserves to be upset.
Sometimes we are reluctant to stand up for ourselves because we don't want to upset people, but when someone is being as unreasonable as your sister is being, you have the right to do what you need to do (end the conversation). If she gets upset, that is HER problem, not yours. Please don't let her make it your problem. If she tries to make it your problem, say "I told you you I'm done talking about this," and immediately hang up, leave, etc.
Sometimes people eventually learn to stop certain behavior if they see that its not going to get them anywhere, but sometimes they don't. I don't know her, so I can't predict whether she will ever learn to accept this boundary from you or not. If she's used to a certain kind of reaction from you, it can take a while for her to get used to it when her tactics don't get the response she's used to. This is still worth doing. If she refuses to stop begging you for money, criticizing how you use your money, trying to make you feel guilty for not giving her what she wants, etc., you have every right to cut off contact with her.
The main things to remember are as follows:
1. You don't owe her a dime of your money.
2. You have the right to spend YOUR money as YOU see fit, whether it's on health care or something totally frivolous.
3. You don't owe her an apology or an explanation for what you do with YOUR money.
4. You have the right to say NO to her and to refuse to be drawn into any more arguments about this.
5. If she doesn't like it when you refuse to give her money, that's HER problem. Let her be upset, and remind yourself that it's NOT your fault.
6. If she tries to guilt you into doing what she wants, don't let her. I know this may be easier said than done, but please hear me when I say this: you have NOTHING to feel guilty about, and she has NO right to try to make your feel guilty, NONE whatsoever.
I hope some of this is helpful to you. Sorry I got so long-winded. I apologize for any excessive repetition. Good luck with this, and with your TMJ treatment!
= new reply since forum marked as read
