Was I wrong?

[XanaDUer2]

I've spent $1200 in two weeks at car care center. 600 last week thinking the nonstarting issue was fixed with a new alternator. 620 this morning for some code engine light thing their A plus tech was working on. I'm stressed and need a reliable car.

The ladies at the desk said I could ask the tech the details. I sorta have ocd. So, I politely asked to talk to the tech to get the details. I was very deferent and polite and good humored. I did ask a few times if the issue was fixed.

Walking out to the car, my SO told me I embarassed" him by "questioning his competence" and that was "a bad idea" btw, my SO constantly embarrasses me. He derided me in the car on the ride home. Again, I was polite and appreciative to the mechanic bc I wanted to know how they drilled it down, I hope, bc seeing a check engine light after droping 600 is very distressing. I'm undergoing TMJ therapy thats $$$$$$$$.

Was I wrong to ask the tech? I'm not speaking to his mfing ass. I don't think I did anything awful. We spoke abt 5 mins. When I worked, I had to come out and explain things to patrons sometimes.

I'm not happy in this relationship. But we pool our money to live. He said he's never coming with me again to the car care center due to the humiliation I caused. Pls be honest. Did i do something awful?

[Ocelot II]

1. You did nothing wrong. You did not embarrass the tech by asking him to explain

what was wrong with your car; that's his job. But you don't need a new car, you need a new SO; or at the very least you need to tell him to STFU and stop undermining you. I say, dump the asshole - he's worse for your mental health than any financial problems that might turn up. Those problems can be dealt with but assholes can't stop being assholes.

[XanaDUer2]

4. He won't leave

Weve had some bad fights over many yrs and hes a pos frankly.

He's yelling at me now

[ms liberty]

2. No. You spent the money, and deserved a full explanation of the services performed

The mechanic didn't mind explaining his work to you, so your SO and his feefees were irrelevant. Your SO wasn't the mechanic so his competence or lack thereof was irrelevant. Since you were the one paying the bill, his opinion was irrelevant, period. Not his business. Tell him you don't want him going with you to the car care center anyway. He sounds like a jerk.

[XanaDUer2]

3. Ty he meant it was a bad idea to

Question the techs competencr. I did nothing of the sort. He just asked me if i was mad and i said yes. I'm not talking to him. Honestly if it wasnt for the money Id be gone. Id be homeless tho.

[XanaDUer2]

5. He's a first class asshole

And if i wouldn't be homeless id b gone at this point. He's been a real pos for yrs and yrs. He said my discussion with the tech made him stand too long (he has pain issues but was cut off opioids for playing reindeer games) and now has a patch. He said I'm "going to kill him" when I do things like take longer at a counter.

[Goddessartist]

6. Wow

I'm so sorry - I left two husbands - I cannot abide by that kind of behavior. I'm sending you love and good vibes.

And no you did nothing wrong, but he clearly did. He must be at heart really insecure to be so nasty.

[XanaDUer2]

7. I consider myself emotionally abused

He's going to be 72. I'm supposed to get his pension when he dies. God knows. I tell him its over and he just won't leave. I know I didn't do anything wrong, just looking for sane ppls responses. Oh he smokes and drinks n has barrett esophagus. He eats shitty chips all day. I used to try to intervene, but he didn't listen so I'm letting him do what he wants wo concern now. He's currently stuffing his face with chips

[Goddessartist]

8. You are.

Giving you a virtual hug.

I'll have my youngest grandson soon, but I'll check in and see how you're doing. Reach out if you wish.

[XanaDUer2]

9. TY!

my fault for asking him to go with me. I need to keep interactions with him to a minimum

[XanaDUer2]

10. Its called the honeymoon period

Things go smoothly between us and we go to a concert and have a good time, and I think its not so bad and i can stand it.
Then shit happens again

[Karadeniz]

11. You two have reached the fork in the road.....your purpose in life is not to

walk on egg shells to protect his ego !!

[Iris]

12. You're better off going without him.

Most mechanics I've had contact with are glad to explain what the problem is.

If all you are doing is pooling resources, then why not just do your own things without him?

[XanaDUer2]

13. Ive been discussing that

Very thing with friends and relatives. As my SO, I keep turning to him for help and comfort. I'm the ACoA w with some emotional/ mental problems. I have terrible anxiety. I was just vomiting earlier from it.

I should just accept the Financials, avoid arguments, do my own thing. If he wants to pay for a concert, I'll go and enjoy it. We'll argue about catfood. I never dreamed this would be my life at my age.

My financial reality exists. I don't want to be homeless. I'll kill myself first.

[Iris]

14. Yes. Making sure you have shelter is taking care of yourself.

And it sounds like you are working on taking care of yourself within that shelter.

Your decision to get the TMJ surgery is an example of that. I was glad to see it.

[XanaDUer2]

15. Ty. I tried hobbling along w the temp splints

I tried to save money by still using the temp splints. But I can't do that the rest of my life. It was very stressful deciding what to do. I tried weaning off the day splint and the gap between my teeth started putting pressure again on my jaw.

I'm not having surgery but the restorative dental work. My dentist said they'd do everything to keep the work to a minimum.

I've been stress puking this morning. Truly, I'm at the point where I'm almost done with life. I'm 58.

[XanaDUer2]

16. I have GAD and OCD

apparently what i do is called reassurance-seeking.

[XanaDUer2]

17. Hes apologized twice

He said he was in pain and I kept him standing in the car center too long while in pain.

Hearinghis health problems constantly is depressing. I told him if this car acts up again, i want it gone and use ride share. He told me stop thinking ahead. I can't afford to keep pouring money into a car.

[debm55]

18. Dear XanaDUer2 you did nothing wrong.

[XanaDUer2]

19. Thanks

Just needed a reality check. Its hard when you're home with one person constantly