Fathers Day and I'm done.

[no_hypocrisy]

My father was a controlling, authoritarian, malignant narcissist. And I was his victim, the family scapegoat.

He died 10 years ago. I take some solace that he's cremated and still in the attic of my estranged sister.

I realize how many years I wasted trying to understand the dynamic.

I have released myself from his anger, his actions, his need to hurt me.

I went to therapy twice a week for 3-1/2 years but left with unfinished business.

This past year, I focused, I relived, and I moved on.

Not that I've forgiven him. But as we say on DU, he is no longer living in my head rent-free.

[FirstLight]

1. Good for you!

It's difficult to deal with forgiveness and the [ain caused by that kind of mental abuse, so sorry.

I'm grateful I had the therapy and grief counseling when my parents died within a year of eachother...I had an extra year with my father and having to handle his dementia was hard - he could be a real bastard. But thankfully in the end we had nothing but love to send him over.

Mother's Day, Father's Day etc are all bullshit anyway. We either appreciate the people in our lives who care for us or we dont.And we dont have to acknowledge anyone who doesn't deserve it! :hugs:

[3catwoman3]

2. It sounds like he was more of a sperm donor....

…than a father.

Best wishes for a more serene future.

[Deuxcents]

3. Good for you. It is said to forgive the offender and then forgive yourself for all the time you've spent

Putting yourself in doubt and thinking maybe it was all your fault. Free yourself on this milestone and never look back. ((hugs))

[MOMFUDSKI]

9. From "Good Will Hunting" -

It’s not your fault. Peace to you

[Walleye]

4. Good job. Letting things go is one of the hardest things we have to do

[Think. Again.]

5. I believe that it can only be forgiveness if there is remorse on their part...

...if there isn't that remorse, it isn't forgiveness, it's permission.

[Skittles]

6. honestly, have you released yourself?

I mean, ranting about him on Father's Day - doesn't sound like it.

[MLAA]

8. I didn't see this as a rant as more of a declaration of the progress made.

[Skittles]

11. which can be done on any day

yup

[no_hypocrisy]

10. OK, today is Independence Day, not Fathers Day.

[MLAA]

7. Thanks for sharing your journey.

It’s our right to dismiss anyone from our life who mistreats/abuses us regardless if we share DNA or not. So, good for you and congrats on your progress!

[OldBaldy1701E]

12. Yeah, that 'forgiving' thing.

I am with you in that neither parent 'live rent free in my head'. Also like you, I am not seeing the 'forgiving' thing happening. Sure, it is soul -eating. Sure, it can darken anyone'e demeanor and make them sallow and bitter. But, there was just too much manipulation. Too much favoritism. Too much misdirection to get what they wanted.

That is what I am trying to work on. But, this is a deep pit and it is dark... I don't like it but climbing out just feels like betrayal of what I swore to do when I finally was released from the mind games and manipulation.

Ya know?

[no_hypocrisy]

13. Oh, I know . . . .

How can you forgive when it's more than they hurt you? How CAN you forgive when the whole journey was predicated upon they had an unrelenting intention to harass, to browbeat, to injure your self, to demean, and/or to destroy you? Your freakin' parent(s)!!! And you live with them and can't escape.

Some things you can forgive. Some things you can't.