I was once told by a career counselor once

[BlueKota]

"that the world needs people like me, but the world doesn't value people like me, and I was going to struggle going forward because of it.

He said it's because most people prefer to act first and deal with consequences after, but I like to consider possibe outcomes before acting, or choosing not to act.

I also tend to tell people hope for the positive but be prepared for the negative. But a lot of people want to believe that thinking positive is enough in and off itself, will make things turn out that way. That's not logical to me.

I am struggling to hold it together. I am torn between speaking out, or holding it all in. I feel strongly because of my past studies of history that very bad things are going to happen, if we just assume it's all going to be all right. That action needs to be taken before it's too late, but no one wants to hear it. But if I keep it in, my anxiety gets worse.

Also I just feel like I wasted my life studying history because humans as a whole don't seem to learn much from it. I do feel like I don't have a lot of value to the world and never have.

The only reason I keep going is because I made a commitment to my dog and cat to feed and take care of them for the duration of their lives , and I will honor that. I just don't know how to quit feeling tired, scared, and 😔 sad.

[Biophilic]

1. Quite bluntly that's a hell of a commitment.

Sometimes we make them to people. Sometimes to the animals that need and deserve them. Commitments aren’t easy. I honor yours to your animals. It’s important.

[BlueKota]

3. Thank you

The dogs and cats I have had throughout my life have always given me love and comfort, so I want to do the same for them.

[GPV]

2. It only takes a millisecond to go from worried

to panicky and depressed. The cascading thought chain is so damn fast. I'm a catastrophizing black and white personalize. I always jump to the worst case scenario, and my personal guilt is always at the end of it. Very painful way to live life, esp since I'm an emotional eater. I get to beat myself, too. The only thing i can do is stay on my meds and fight back with rational, positive thoughts while pumping up my self worth.

I hope you can find a way to switch to a positive filter.

[BlueKota]

4. Thank you.

That's insightful about the guilt leading to catastrophic thinking. I do feel guilty when I see others suffering. I feel like I should be able to stop it when realistically there is nothing I can do.

That's good about staying on the meds. I am taking mine and went back into talk therapy. I am also watching videos about a man who volunteers to sit with shelter dogs, who are so frozen with fear, they just huddle as far against the back wall of their kennel as they can. He says it hurts their chances for adoption, so he does his best to bring them out of the fear stage.

People like him remind me that there is still good people in this world.

[OldBaldy1701E]

5. So, how long were you spying on me before you wrote that description?

Hehe.

You just described me to a 'T'. I wish I had some answers. To use one of my favorite quotes: "I am sick and tired of being sick and tired!" (Lou Mae Farmer).

Also, studying history was not a waste of time. Trying to convince idiots to learn from it was, though. Sorry about that. It is the same with sociology. No one wants to hear about how we can meld together better, they just want to know that 'their kind' still have the upper hand. It is one of the great ironies in life. The 'waste of time' is always in dealing with people. And, we don't care to change this. (For now. It will change. It cannot stand for much longer. All the inequity and injustice in the name of the oligarchy and their cronies. It cannot stand.)

[BlueKota]

6. Thank you. It helps to know there are other people who understand,

and I am not alone. What you are saying about the current situation not being able to stand much longer helps too. It reminds me of what one of my professors said back in the 80s when that movie, Red Dawn came out. About the Soviets trying to take over the U.S.

He said it would be ten times harder for a dictator to take over a country who have experienced having the amount of freedoms we have. He said countries used to a corrupt monarchs really didn't have many rights to begin with, so they were basically aleady conditioned to accept it.

He said he thought if push came to shove and people in the U.S. started to lose their rights one by one eventually they'd fight to the death to get them back. He said the push back might not come right away be he said he had no doubt it would come eventually. He also said we are too large and diverse a population for anyone to successfully control for any lengthy period of time.

Hope this is all true!

[OldBaldy1701E]

7. Hehe... buddy of mine is in that film. (n/t)