I've decided to prepare for today's therapy session by watching the Michael Keaton 'Batman'

[Siwsan]

Seriously, it 's been a rough 3 weeks since my last appointment. It started with me worrying about my brother who drove across country in his 22 year old Saturn. Mind you, he still has to drive back and has already had to do a repair. Then my car started acting up and then things just spiraled. He's helping a friend who has a very unstable son and I'm worried about that dynamic.

Today is a real capper. I've taken in a sick little kitten. Her mom abandoned her and her 2 sisters. They have crossed the Rainbow Bridge, both in my arms. Now I'm hoping the 3rd one will be OK but I am preparing myself for yet another loss.

Long story short, after 2 intense days and 2 sleepless nights with kittens (one died yesterday morning, the other died 3 weeks ago) the surviving baby seems to be holding steady. Now, last night I thought I would get some sleep but Gryff, my house panther, wanted to comfort me. Suffice it to say that I got little sleep.

Then at 5:30 this morning, Gryff jumped up on a shelf that's in an opening between the hall and living room, hit a small ceramic base that then rocketed into the glass globe of a lamp, shattering it.

Oh, and the kidcats have been on a hunger strike because of the kitten.

Then I went out to feed the ferals and I got RUSHED, with one of them ending up getting into the house!!! Fortunately, that ended with zero drama.

Add to that all of the nightmarish decisions coming out of SCOTUS and realizing, full well, that the convicted felon will likely get most everything charge dismissed and just might end up back in the White House. Then Liberals will collectively have targets on our backs.

Suffice it to say, my stress and anxiety levels have passed the red line and are heading towards black out. Still another 5 weeks until I can get a medication assessment, though. By that time they might prescribe a straight jacket.

[scarletlib]

1. Hang in there. Good luck.

[Siwsan]

2. Thanks

It's been an absolutely horrible year, so far.

[KarenS]

3. ((hugs)) to you.

Just hugs and caring and hoping the best for you.

[Siwsan]

6. I'm dressed in turquoise - head to almost toe. I need to find some turquoise shoes

It's my favorite color and usually helps me feel better. Truth is, I don't want the outside shell to resemble the inside mess.

I have skirts that I used to wear to work. Long, cotton, some have spangles and some have beads sewn in to a pattern and most are sort of an Indian influence. Someone once told me that I dressed like a belly dancer!! I think I dress like what I am. An aging Hippie.

[KarenS]

7. aging hippie,,,,

me, too.

[The Magistrate]

4. Best Wishes, Ma'am

Things around you might not be, but you are good.

[Willis88]

5. Take care and best wishes!

You’ll get through this!

[ShazzieB]

8. Hugs and all good wishes!

Anxiety is a beast. Please don't let it devour you. Use this forum for support as much as you need to. We all understand, and we all care about you.

[2naSalit]

9. Yikes!

What a nightmare.

I hope you can feel better after therapy. I was at mine yesterday and we talked about how much danger I will be in should the worst come to pass.

I am in a quandary about how to respond and hope to come to some solutions soon.

Hopefully you can find peaceful moments through the day... one day at a time.

[niyad]

10. hugggggggs. Holding you in love and light, dear Siwsan. Your DU family

is here for you. Lean as hard as you need.

[HeartsCanHope]

11. Siwsan, I'm so sorry that you have had such a difficult time.

I will be thinking of you. I have lurked on DU for a while, and have followed the stories of the indoor and outdoor kidcats with great interest. I share all the stories with my husband and son. The kidcats are all celebrities at our house! I've cried with you when you've lost one, and rejoiced in each of your stories of success. Every picture you post of your babies lifts my spirits. I admire you so much, and I am grateful every day that there are people like you who try to make the world a better place for ALL beings, not just humans! Thank you. I am so very sorry you lost another kidcat, and will be keeping the new kitten in my thoughts. Hugs to you all.
By the way I have an ancient Saturn sedan that I bought in 1996. She is the 2nd Saturn that I have owned. The interior is falling apart, someone damaged the driver's side a while back in a parking lot, and the air conditioning has finally conked out, (although I think it might be just low on coolant.) I have resisted buying a new car all these years. I have never been attached to a car before, but "Ol' Girl" has served me so well, she's like a member of the family. It's past time to replace her, and yet I can't bring myself to let her go. I hope your car gets better, and your brother's Saturn brings him safely home!

[Siwsan]

12. Thank you for your kind words

I've been dealing with a situation I haven't shared because I'm tired of so much sadness but maybe if I share it I will feel a little better.

I rescued 3 kittens from a mom who abandoned them. Beautiful little girls I named Twyla, Dwyn and Tegwen. Unfortunately it seems the mom knew they were not going to survive so I've suffered through the loss of two of them and the third one, Tegwen, is on my lap as I type this. I'm not sure if she will see another day, or even another hour, or if her sisters are calling to her to join them.

I suspect that the problem is 'Fading Kitten Syndrome'. There's really not much that can be done as a treatment because the causes can be many and it is mysterious and usually only found by performing a necropsy. A friend of mine took a litter, with similar issues, to the vet every day for 5 days and nothing could be done. They seem healthy one day and then you can see them, well, start to fade. Sometimes it's pretty rapid, as with her sisters. Tegwen has always been a strong kitten and the last that the mom rejected. I was so hopeful she would have a different fate but now I'm not sure.

So my life is on hold, right now, as I cuddle this baby through what ever life has in store for her. If she goes to be with them, she will have a resting place right by their side.

A few kind thoughts for her would be most appreciated.

[HeartsCanHope]

13. Oh, Siwsan, my heart breaks for you and with you.

I have nothing to offer you but kind thoughts for Tegwen. I wish, my friend, that there was something more that I could do. If it is to be that Tegwen has to leave you, she leaves knowing love. Thank you so much for that. Please give her a cuddle from me, and I will be thinking of you both.

[Siwsan]

14. I will do that. Thank you

She's still with me, which is pretty astonishing. She goes from an almost comatose state to looking around. I took her outside and she just wanted to get up on the deck. It's just one step and she made it but it really tired her out.

She has something wrong with her digestive system and I want to try to wash her little butt and tail. I know she's not going to like it but there is a real mess back there. I'll have a tub of warm water all ready and take care of it as fast as I can. That can't be comfortable for her.

[HeartsCanHope]

15. I wish I knew something to help you.

Will be thinking of you both.

[XanaDUer2]

16. Hope you're feeling better