Emotional blackmail is the lowest form of manipulation (kind of a long story)

[Siwsan]

Dealing with so many losses, the kittens, Sian, and now losing a 2nd Biden term in the White House, has left me with zero reserves.

Top that off with a healthy dose of emotional blackmail being dished towards me by a remote 'relative' by marriage and I'm done. She contacted me via Messenger to announce that I have 'lost her as a family member' because so many feral kittens have died, due to the nightmarish flea situation that was triggered by the unusually warm Winter. Not quite sure how I'm responsible for that, or why I don't get credit for weeks of sleepless nights, doing everything I could thing of to save those babies. Even though I couldn't, they were cradled and loved, right up until the end and they are buried with my tears. She had been messaging me, demanding I obey what she's instructing me to do. I won't go in to that because it's delusional. I had flipped her into my Facebook 'reserved' list she to keep her from seeing anything I post, so she'd stop bullying me.

She sent me that relationship death notice just a few hours after I lost my beautiful Sian. I hadn't even begun to stop crying. She shouldn't have been able to see my post announcing Sian's passing, in the first place, unless she's using someone else's account to stalk me, so I don't know if it was a coincidence or on purpose she messaged me at that particular moment. The 2nd possibility would not surprise me, at all. She is a radically anti vaxxer, obnoxious vegan who food shames as easily as she breathes. Toss in that she's a demanding, Type A personality OCD control freak and you see what I'm dealing with. Or, was dealing with. Up until the past few weeks we've been able to get along - admittedly because I was willing to bite my tongue and change topics. Often. But this last episode has pushed me too far. She's blocked on all of my social media and on my phone. Unless she decides to write me a poison pen letter, this should be the end of her harassment.

Side note: her fostering history includes taking in a known vicious dog who then killed her cat, one of her dogs and seriously wounded two more. Fortunately they and their TODDLER DAUGHTER were not at home when the attack happened. Yes, she took in this dog despite having a child in the house.

It's a mixed bag of results, removing her from my life. She lives about 700 miles away and I haven't seen her in 5 years but was going to visit, this Summer. OK, money will be saved so that's an up side. But her husband and daughter are precious to me and I've accepted that by removing her from my life, they might be collateral damage. I guess that depends on the strength of his character.

The moral of the story is, emotional blackmail is BAD. Compassion and emotional support are GOOD

I had several errands to run, today, but it really feels like a good day to stay in bed and let my furry boys snuggle me back to sleep.

Forgive my ramble/babble. It just sometimes feels good to unload.

[Hope22]

1. Yes to the self care day!

It is always a startle when boundaries are broken. You probably already know that some things never change. It’s exhausting to deal with this type of person so much so that it sucks the life right out of us. Draw the line and don’t think too hard. You have enough to deal with. Remind yourself that there is one of you and you do the best you can balancing kitten life along with this crazy situation in our country. I don’t know how the people who are oblivious to the situation here do it. I’ld still rather be a thinking , caring human even though it can be difficult at times. Self care first, kitten care right behind with pampering until things begin to calm. Remember five easy belly breaths, slow in and easy out to reset the body. Love to you!💗💗🙏🏼

[Siwsan]

5. The frustrating thing is that I've always gone out of my way to be kind to her, even when she offended me

Her control issues should have been the first red flag.

I've always been very generous, financially, like helping to pay for her daughter's schooling when they refused to put her in public schools. Well, she's not vaccinated, so...... And helped them when their dog needed cancer surgery, just as a few examples. We all just let it go when we were told that getting vaccinated against Covid was a death sentence or that our internet modems would give us brain cancer.

All I asked in return for the financial help was respect but I guess I asked too much.

[Hope22]

7. Boundaries are not painless but often necessary.

I’m sorry they don’t respect you. That is on them. It never makes sense. My mom is 86 in memory care and my sister is 65. They were always the tag team against me. I don’t know what I ever did to them. All I can do is draw the line and stand behind it. When helping my other sister who was terminally ill I turned to the hospice nurse and said I don’t know what to do in terms of dealing with my mother and other sister. The nurse looked at me and told me it doesn’t matter what you do. Whatever you do will be the wrong thing. I took a long breath and embraced the freedom to make a choice. You can’t talk sense to these people. You try and try again. Do what you want with your finances. You don’t owe them anything. You can chose how and when to give. You can chose to stay away from the drama. Over time it will work out in one way or the other. You deserve better. Be easy with yourself. Love to you!💗🙏🏼

[2naSalit]

2. This is a good time to...

Just chill and do what makes you feel better. It's been a rough couple months.

The fur babies are there to help you through all this, embrace that for all it's worth!

[Siwsan]

8. Madoc is giving me purr therapy

I am constantly amazed at how he turned from such a tiny, VERY squeaky and sad faced kitten, into a big and very plush sweet heart. Sometimes when I scritch his head, he rolls on to my hand, as if he can still fit in it. He loves his mom, that's for sure.

[2naSalit]

9. It's the best kind of love...

I think.

I went out to Mikey's this weekend, he's doing fine for an 11 yo indoor/outdoor cat. Hard to believe he's that old, his mom says he's taken to catching rabbits along with the rodents in the out buildings. He still has to watch out for the wild turkeys and a few other species but he's doing well with a few safe places to hide when he needs them, and he still melts in my arms when I pick him up. He was right there within ten seconds after I got out of my car. I miss him a lot.

Today I helped rescue a kitten from the engine compartment of a car while I was at the credit union. It was hot out and scary because there was hardly any room to get near him with your hand. He got out after a few minutes, whew. I had to leave because I was on my way to the dentist's office down the street. A pretty tabby, maybe twelve weeks old.

It was a happy ending.

I'm glad you have Madoc and the rest to comfort you, I'd rather be comforted by animals than humans, myself.

[KarenS]

3. Please take care of you,,,

You deserve a break.

[Siwsan]

4. I had my first toasted bagel, since Sian's passing

We had a routine. She LOVED cream cheese but I would just let her have a tiny bit. Regardless, she supervised everything I did, from slicing the bagel, to toasting, to smearing it. Then I'd put a little bit on the edge of a fluted plate so she'd have to work at it to clean up every drop. Sometimes that was enough Sometimes it wasn't and she'd sit and START at me until I gave her a tiny bit more.

Same when I'd cut a couple of slices of cheese for a night time snack.

She was always by my side and had the most soothing purr. I'll never understand how things got so bad because I THOUGHT I was doing a good job of combing her and giving her medication.

[Hope22]

6. You always do your best!

Know that!💗💗🙏🏼