Really worried about my wife and also myself

[FirstLight]

Im typing on my phone and some talk to text so forgive my run ons and spelling.

She just had major neck surgery and they of course gave her oxycodone. She is a former addict and she was being super careful about the meds, not taking her anxiety valium in between doses because she was afraid of the breathing depression...i get it, but I have no idea how many psych meds shes on, and had no idea she was cold turkey off anxiety meds for over a week.
It all came to a head in the kitchen when I was boiling veggies wrong, and shit went sideways.
She got mad and stares doing a whole meal for herself while talking about how i cant take care of her and she should do it all or hire someone...and then mocked me because she criticize me and said now you're gonna cry about it and its all about you.
I told her im not crying anf im fine but she can let me handle it and the next thing I know shes got me pushed against the freezer and garbage can and on the kitchen floor with her hands on my throat and face

I got to my phone and decided to call her therapist so she couldn't hear and she was no help.told me to leave the house...
Meanwhile im screaming cuz shes on me again and then hit herself saying my name and if I call the cops we'll both go to jail...

An hour past the escalation, shes in her room and is saying she will sell her stuff and leave...im not afraid of her but im feeling like she needs better care than I can give her right now. If I say anything about it to her dr idk if theyd put her in a place or not. She is making the suicidal threats but how much if that is post abuse guilt?

Ive been abused before but not like that. Weve had 2 other incidents in 3 years and two of them were due to medical procedures that messed up her balance. She does have autism too so the inability to understand my social cues and regulate her emotions (anger especially) is there.

I don't want her to leave when she's got a 7 inch gach in her neck and 13 weeks of recovery ahead. But I feel like it's out of my wheelhouse...

I hate that my first response when I get hurt or something is to "worry" about the other person.
I also have a dr appointment tomorrow with my own physician, um not going to be able to hide the bruises on my face and neck...


WTF do I do ???

[Deuxcents]

1. Perfect opportunity to talk to your doctor at your appointment. Ask a professional for an opinion

Whatever happens, please take care of yourself 🌺

[The Wizard]

2. Involuntary commitment.

[Dear_Prudence]

3. Get out. Now.

You got professional advice from her therapist. She told you to leave. Her assessment is that you are not safe. Get your phone, the phone charger. Your meds, and get out. Go to a hotel or to a friend's house or call an abuse hotline for a shelter. If you don't think you can find shelter, bring blankets with you to stay in tge car until morning. Talk to your Dr tomorrow about how to get help. I am worried about you. Having the threat being someone you care about must be so painful, but you save yourself and save your partner from serious regrets that would happen if she were to seriously injure you. Please take care.

[FirstLight]

5. I own this home I'm not leaving.

For now it's relegated to us in our own separate spaces. I sent a message to her doctor and I'm waiting for a call in the morning I told them that this is out of my wheelhouse and I need more help and I guess I'm going to have to ask my doctor tomorrow too and they'll probably come after us for domestic violence and all the other bullshit and I don't want to involve the police

[Dear_Prudence]

6. Understood.

I hope you can sequester yourself in the house. I understand about calling the police. My dad had a violent psychotic episode and the policeman who came was able to convince him to go peacefully to the hospital. But we were very lucky. I shiver every time I hear a tragic outcome because a family called for help. I can only hope that you can get the support that you and your partner need.

[2naSalit]

4. See your Dr...

And talk about it, as mentioned above, they have contact info if nothing else. I would call her therapist back, but maybe after your talk to your Dr.

Take care, the answer will come. I hope she can get balanced again soon. Hopefully her Dr knows all the meds she's on and how she's using them. You should know that too given how her episodes are so intense.

[FirstLight]

7. Unless she wrote it all down on the Kindle tablet but not really.

She writes down the times that she takes her pain meds and everything else but her normal daily meds are so many that she says there's no way I could possibly keep track of them and basically I couldn't understand it because of my ADHD so whatever

Now that I say that it feels like gaslighting

....fuck....

[FirstLight]

8. Woke up about 30 minutes ago...

I keep running through everything and my mind is not helping... Got a headache and my shoulder hurts...but im sick to my stomach realizing that she could've killed me and that's not hyperbole.

I've been checking on her all night, because I am still caretaking a surgery patient..and to make sure she doesn't od or something ( we set up a camera before surgery so I could see her breathing etc) she's dozing but sitting up.

The silence in the house betrays the internal monologue in my head...

[FirstLight]

9. I called the women's shelter this morning all they want to do is the usual make sure I'm safe give me references blah bl

My wife's doctor of course is not in the office on Fridays so there's no one to address her meds. And I'm not going to call 911 and get an ambulance to take her to the hospital. This morning she's got a horrible black eye cuz she punched herself good trying to make it look like I did it. She's also doing the whole I'm sorry plus guilt Trip...
She tells me she's doesn't want to upset me I'm leaving her room to go to the toilet or get something out of the kitchen which is ridiculous. And she's also telling me to let her know when I want her gone etc etc.
I'm at the doctor's office waiting for him right now you really can't see much on me my shoulder and back are killing me from being thrown over the back of the chair and on top of the garbage can.

I'm done. I'm mad. I don't want her to be left with nothing I don't want her to go to jail I don't want all of that bad stuff to happen. But at the same time I have to protect myself and my interests so I don't know what the fuck

Nobody can help nobody can do anything