Trump's election has been a major blow in my grief journey (lost my son to suicide)

[crimycarny]

I'm not sure if this is the correct forum to be posting this, but I lost my son in 1/2022 to suicide (was a shock to everyone, my son had no diagnosed mental illness). He and I talked politics all the time and were worried about the 2020 election. My son was able to see Biden be elected President, but I think the mental damage from the toxic and chaotic environment Trump created as well as the havoc and isolation of COVID were just too much for my son. He ended his life about 3 weeks after January 6th.

Rightly or wrongly, I was hanging onto Harris's beating Trump as a "sign" that there is a point to this life. It may sound odd, and I'm not exactly sure why Trump's re-election delivered such a blow to my faith, but the tiny tiny thread of hope I had in any sort of afterlife, or point to this life, disintegrated after Trump's re-election.

There is no "Creator" guiding this world. There is no point in choosing love versus hate, or trying to live a good life, because if someone as evil as Trump can destroy so many lives yet suffer zero consequences, then our existence in this world and what happens to us is just random coincidence. There is no "karma", no consequences for evil, and no reward for good. We're just random beings with zero point and when we die, that's it. Nothing we do matters.

Since Trump's re-election, I no longer try to "talk" to my son as if maybe he is there in some sort of afterlife. My soul was mortally wounded when my son died, only a small whisper of it still hanging on to hope, now my soul is completely dead. I can't wait until this life is over.

Sorry to be so depressed, but I just had to get my thoughts out.

[XanaDUer2]

1. I'm sorry

For your deep loses. I'm praying he dies, but I'm startingto feel its pointless

[flying_wahini]

2. I'm sorry for your loss. It's so painful when it's without warning. Suicide is unimaginable and I'm sure it's a horrible

Experience.
I fear there will be loads of at risk people wondering what Trump will do. He is like a big dark cloud that follows you everywhere. My condolences.
I do believe that Trump and his minions will pay for it but maybe not anytime soon.

[crimycarny]

8. Farmer suicide rate increased drastically after Trump tariffs

Farmers have a higher rate of suicide than the general population, but that rate skyrocketed after Trump's tariffs destroyed so many family farms.

I fear the suicide rates will again climb, in all areas.

[ZZenith]

3. I completely understand.

In my life, when I have reached the point where I can no longer see the point of it, the only antidote that I have found is to find someone I can be of help to and do something for them. Some days the only thing that keeps me going is knowing that the dogs need to be fed tonight. To deny life’s meaningless by action is my rebellion against it.

I wish you strength and courage, crimycarny.

[crimycarny]

5. I too am grateful for my dogs

The problem with grief, particularly losing a child to suicide, is you don't have the energy to do much more than exist. It's also very isolating because no one can understand the complications of suicide loss unless they have experienced it as well. The massive guilt, the constant "if only", or "why didn't I", or "why did I"? (Parents who have lost a child to suicide are 60% more likely to attempt suicide themselves.)

As a parent, I failed in the most horrible way a parent can fail. So the idea of helping someone else doesn't even come up in the equation, if I wasn't able to help my son how can I help anyone else? It's hard to explain. I feel I'd be more of a danger to someone else than a help, after all, I was the person my son talked to the most and look what happened to him!

Even Suicide Prevention campaigns add the the stigma. The "prevention" message implies that those surrounding their loved ones didn't do enough. Would we go up to a mother who lost a child to cancer and say "You know, your child's death could have been prevented?". No. But the suicide prevention campaigns imply that exact message.

It's also a damaging message to those suffering from suicidal ideations as it oversimplifies it into something within that person's control, which isn't always the case. Prevention campaigns, though well-meaning, continue to downplay to PHYSICAL conditions underlying suicidal ideations. Would we expect someone with Parkinson's to use their brain to stop their tremors? No. But we expect someone with depression, anxiety, bi-polar, etc. to somehow heal their condition with the same organ that is causing it.

But, back to dogs. The only thing that has helped me get outside my house is my obligation to make sure I get my dogs some exercise. If not for that, I'd never leave the house.

[ZZenith]

7. I understand completely, crimycarny.

The sadness and the self-recriminations and the paralyzing inability to accomplish the most simple of tasks and the knowledge that tomorrow is only going to bring more of the same and having to go out in the world and see people enjoying themselves and the fucking emptiness that can’t be filled by anything.

My loss is not as fresh as yours but I have not forgotten any of it. You did not fail your son but I have no way to prove that to you. He was clearly a kind and caring person who got overwhelmed by the senseless brutality of the world and had he managed to get through one more day he might have found a spark of hope.

I only have words and thoughts and a sympathetic ear to offer you, but please know that such a loss is survivable and there is beauty and kindness still left in the world. I would take your burden from you if I could. Please give your dogs a hug from me.

[Basso8vb]

4. I'm sending you a virtual hug because I need one, too.

[Wicked Blue]

6. So sorry